I think I made a big mistake

I am lucky that I am very good at making friends. Making them. That is it. I heard once the explanation of what a gentleman / gentlewoman was and that is me. Making other people feel comfortable. I am very good at that. But once we get past that... I seem to have a problem with

(1) keeping people interested and
(2) gaining those people's absolute loyalty.

Because of an incident a few years back I decided it would be a good idea to stop being friends with people at work. I reasoned that people at work were not "friends" and due to my unique position at work, where people feel like I am the key to something more powerful, I decided to only be as friendly as I had to and then, end it. I also decided to try to make sure people didn't know what I did in my person life. Even I had to lie. Because a lot of times it felt like they wanted to do things with me and I didn't want them.

My boss is an extreme extrovert and this policy I think disappoints him. He wants me to have fun with the workgroup and always be up for lunch and other things. Right now... I try to not be a downer when I go out but I try to avoid going out. People that worked for him I think they can't see any reason why I wouldn't be friendly with them once they leave. And it isn't personal, I Just know they are likely to want to use me once they leave so I cut them off the moment they are gone.

But I think all of this has backfired. I have pretty much zero friends lately at work. And almost everyone at work seems to use me anyway. I mean, it is just he nature of the beast. My policy now just makes it so I don't get anything back from them. I don't get to use them.

I feel like I need to do a heel toe and start being much more friendly. Then I would at least have a group of people who might feel an obligation to help me out if I asked. It is still hard not to have my head turned around my the fact that people are trying to suck up to me to suck up to the person behind me but, I figure, maybe I need to start embracing that..

I hear you, @Emily Fox Seaton! I understand your struggles. It's hard to have relatioships with our colleagues ESPECIALLY when we have an important position. I feel like it is still possible to make friends at work, but one needs to be ESPECIALLY cautios about who we want to accept in our lives. Of course that doesn't have to turn into paranoia as there ARE people who genuinely want to bond with us. Buf of course just be aware of what some people may be interested in. You seem to be cautios already so that's good! Hopefully you'll meet people who are REALLY interested in you as a PERSON and in what you have to say. let us know how it turns out at work! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Emily Fox Seaton, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for who you TRULY are! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING!

I think I might have tipped into paranoia. But there is some part of me that kind of doesn't want to do anything about it because I feel like, on some level, all I can really hope for is to be used by people and perhaps, I can use them a little bit, but due to my tendency of not asking for what I want... that won't happen.

So what do I do now?
1. Throw a party (small gathering at my house).
2. Refriend all those people on facebook I have gotten rid of?
3. make it my business to go see and talk to people 1x per day?
4. Go to court events and meetings that maybe I don't have to?

I would go for 3 and 4. I don't like parties, especially not at my place, though

I have some local acquaintances that turned into friends because of FB, but it's too easy for me to do a lot of socializing online and not enough in person. Also, I think people are moving away from that platform but I do not want to get sucked into another.

I also struggle with how to handle work friendships. Some of my closest friends are people I met at old jobs. I've also been disappointed when people I thought were good friends cut off contact once we no longer work together. I understand situational friendships but it's still caught me off guard. For the most part, I just want to go home and do my own thing after work. Do we really need to extend the workday with a two hour happy hour when I just want to eat dinner? At the same time, I regret not forming closer relationships at my last workplace, so maybe I should have gone to more of those happy hours.