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DazedandConfused254
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Default Jul 29, 2019 at 05:15 PM
  #1
I hope that I'm not sounding like a broken record but I've been feeling off these past few weeks due to some triggers of negative emotions that have been left unresolved. There has always seemed to be a pressure cooker where I live to follow the crowd by rushing into the dating and marriage asap. Because of failed attempts and my current transitions keeping up with the needs of another person is next to impossible. I also believe people are rigid to the point where if you don't follow a very specific "checklist" of their desires and needs, prepare for people to bail out as soon as possible. Plus I have enjoyed so many of my hobbies alone as a singleton without following the agenda that comes with frequently being around a partner. But the continued pressure arising from the death of my uncle (leaving me the last one possible to share my last name), continued conversations from my BFF about the opposite gender against my will and constant SM posts about my friends’ romantic success is about to blow my top off. IRL people have not been very supportive emotionally with this concern. My future life is going to be one massive failure because half of the world's population is female thus increasing my chances in the professional world and my personal life that I will be chastised for little mistakes or failed expectations.

Again I believe there are so many perks about singleness that outnumber the perks of romance in my stage of life but I get short-fused with society’s stigma against singles and pressure to date. What should I do to fully take advantage of the positives of my singleness and live my own life?

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DazedandConfused254
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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 02:22 PM
  #2
Sheesh, so apparently I'm the only one struggling with these thoughts.....

Might as well just continue suffering in silence

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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 03:13 PM
  #3
(((Dazed))), gotta be patient as sometimes other members have not read your thread yet and it doesn't always mean no one cares.

You are still very young yet and you honestly don't have to have a SO right now. Sometimes it seems like you should be in a serious relationship, yet, that's not a must have when you are younger and want time to explore YOURSELF for a while first. It's really ok to take your time to figure out what you want in life.
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Default Jul 31, 2019 at 04:18 PM
  #4
I hear you, @DazedandConfused254!! It is not easy as Society pressures us into making certain things, but that doesn't mean that you HAVE to do those things! Just do what makes YOU HAPPY AS THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! Just ignore whoever is putting pressure on you or simply respond with "I'm enjoying my Life right now, thank you very much!" or whathever you feel like it may be the most appropriate explanation! Your Life is YOURS and you don't OWE an explanation to others! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, DazedandConfused254, your Family, your Friends and ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you and Accept you for WHO YOU TRULY ARE! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING!!
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Default Aug 01, 2019 at 02:47 AM
  #5
Please explain what yuh mean by this: “My future life is going to be one massive failure because half of the world's population is female thus increasing my chances in the professional world and my personal life that I will be chastised for little mistakes or failed expectations. “ I hope it doesn’t mean what I think it means.

Society doesn’t care what you do. statistically speaking people marry later and later in the US so if you are in the US society isn’t pressuring you to marry in your young age. If for whatever reason your family and best friend want you to marry young (your uncle died or something else), Take it up with them

What should you do to live your life? Just live your life
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Default Aug 01, 2019 at 08:56 AM
  #6
I involuntarily became single in my 40s when my husband was killed in an accident. Can't tell you the number of people who've pushed me to be in a relationship. I tried being polite and telling I wasn't ready. When that didn't work I tried humor and said I was my parents daughter for we years, then married for 23 years, was going to try single for 23 years. That didn't work either. Now I just say I'm not interested. If that doesn't work I tell 'em i don't need a man to complete my life.

Dazed, it's your life. Live it the way you chose to. There are always going to be people who think they are a better judge of how someone else ought to live their life. Ignore them.

I read you post several times. I'm wondering how much pressure you are placing on yourself to meet TV "society's" expectations. Again, live your live as suits you, not what you think other people want.
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 03:24 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254 View Post
My future life is going to be one massive failure because half of the world's population is female thus increasing my chances in the professional world and my personal life that I will be chastised for little mistakes or failed expectations.
Are you trying to say or imply that women unfairly criticize you or target you?

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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 05:33 PM
  #8
You might find that the right person comes along just when you least expect it.

I honestly think most people feel pressured by society... in one way or another. I think it’s just the way life is for most of us. Many people feel inadequate for not following some special recipe or agenda that everybody else’s life seems to or that everybody else seems to expect from you. When I feel particularly left out or like I don’t quite measure up, I try to remind myself that this is probably how a lot of people feel these days.

Keep doing the things you enjoy. I think another singleton who enjoys your company is bound to show up. She is likely to be somebody who hates the pressures from others just like you.
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DazedandConfused254
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DazedandConfused254 On hiatus from MSF, except for PMs
 
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Default Aug 18, 2019 at 01:37 AM
  #9
Sorry if it seemed like I abandoned this thread - these past few weeks I’ve been busier. But I’m back!

@Open Eyes: Thank you for your affirmation that I don’t need a SO to be happy. After years of jumping through other people’s hoops I think self-discovery is my highest priority.

@MickeyCheeky: Thank you for your kind words like always! I could definitely use help in not doing something for the sake of everybody else is doing it. I value your advice for what to do when the pressure from others comes down! People like you give me hope again for myself and the people closest to me!

@divine1966: In your first paragraph I meant what I said about living in fear of making one mistake and having the world turn on me. I used to be the person who rarely made such statements, but my comfort around people (esp women) has disintegrated. Part of it is stress because of a transition period but after having a bad first work experience and being in an environment where people are rather superficial has turned my fears into an avalanche. Now every seemingly little rejection has made me uninterested in engaging with the opposite gender, even if it’s not serious. Maybe my generation isn’t quite as pressuring as I thought if there is a trend for my generation to marry later. But even at a young age though I am hardened enough to be afraid to try again with things involving love or being friends with the opposite gender.

@lizardlady: I appreciate and value the sharing of your experiences! As you can see this is highly relatable. I am sorry about the pain that you have endured since losing your spouse. How inconsiderate for people to expect you to just put on a happy face even after such a loss! So far balancing my closer relationships has helped me to cut out some of those nagging outside forces. But like you have said a lot of this pressure is self-inflicted in the world of social media, and living in a rather conservative part of the country where younger marriages are more common. Thankfully I have had a lot of weight lifted off when I discussed this matter with my parents, who mutually agreed they never meant to cause me years of pain of feeling pressured after losing my uncle.

@sarahsweets: Actually yes. I had quite a few friends who happened to be female when I was growing up, but all of this seemed to change once I got to college. The groups I hung out started out with good intentions, when I thought they would be a safe haven from people who partied and got stoned all the time, but I feel sorry now for meeting the people I hung out with through my college years. I won’t diverge into all the details but a large part has been with my social groups being highly anti-social between genders, where hostility to men in general was encouraged. Then even when I’ve tried to make conversation or get my chance at a friendship I got shut down. All compounded where I went to school, where traditions rule, but unfortunately that resulted in a rather rigid group of people I went to school with. What a waste for my first intentional moment to make my first group of friends after high school.

@Sisabel: Thank you for your thoughtful response like always. I’m sure if I have one feeling, it’s highly likely that someone else will experience that same one. I guess that’s the human condition. I truly have noticed the “rule-making” from society that has seemed universal for all people.

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DX'd Moderate GAD and depression in April 2021. But it is only a part of me, not defining me.

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Default Sep 15, 2019 at 11:08 AM
  #10
I've been dealing with a lot of the same things recently and am finding that focusing on my job, which I'm doing well in is helping me avoid those negative feelings. So just do something that makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities and hopefully everything will start to work out from there. At least thats what I'm hoping
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DazedandConfused254
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DazedandConfused254 On hiatus from MSF, except for PMs
 
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Default Oct 01, 2019 at 03:15 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by crisscross712 View Post
I've been dealing with a lot of the same things recently and am finding that focusing on my job, which I'm doing well in is helping me avoid those negative feelings. So just do something that makes you feel good about yourself and your abilities and hopefully everything will start to work out from there. At least thats what I'm hoping
I really appreciate sharing your insight with me because that is actually what has helped me in recent times. My job is focused on studying storm surges in hurricanes so it's picked up again with the recent major storms. Now that I've found work and have found a place where I feel valued and have a purpose, I've discovered the numerous advantages of finding my place in the real world rather than force myself into another person's life, which is what I've seen in most relationships.

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