Suffering from social phobia

Hi, I’m sixteen and I’m in college. For the last 3-4 years I've had almost no relations with other people at my age. It really drives me crazy and deppresed, but I feel it can't be helped. At some point in my life I started avoiding other people because of my horrible awkardness while talking. I started to be much intimidated while in conversation with someone. It feels like I've lost my personality. I used to be a very confident, out-going type of person, maybe even funny. It could have been while becoming a teenager (I mean growing up) when I lost my way of being. People started dating girls, hanging around in groups and I felt I didn't belong to them (not to mention I was never invited). As I started secondary school I was an outsider in class, though I attempted to gain a bit of attention. It resulted in temporary acceptance in the group and ended with me being humiliated. I started studying in college one year ago and my social problems overwhelmed me - I didnt get on with almost anyone, started stattering, sweating and fell into complete isolation. I went to a psycholog once and he offered me group therapy. I must say I don't see it'll work but will try anything. What is also worth noting is that I absolutely hate they way my voice sounds and my pathetic (and rare) attemtps to talk to someone. I sometimes feel suicidal, but I'll never harm myself (simple cowardice).
May someone who's experienced somethimg simillar tell me how to overcome it and is it very hard? And in the first place - how to fight constant stress and worry about my situation and self-disgust?

Hello Toidan: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. The social anxiety sub-forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/socia...ective-mutism/

Here are links to some articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help with the concerns you raised:

Social Anxiety Overview | Psych Central

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety

7 Ways to Overcome Shyness and Social Anxiety

Overcoming Social Anxiety the Alchemist's Way | NLP Discoveries

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-mind...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-soci...ocial-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...ere-right-now/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...iety-symptoms/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...elf-regularly/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...ds-of-badness/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I sort of know how you feel. I have avoided people for years too because my older sister would criticize me viciously after seeing me interact with people. It made me worry that everyone really hated me but were just too polite to show it. I was always and outsider like you but I usually found another oddball or shy person to be my friend. Do you have anyone like that?

I used to hate my voice too. Voice or speech lessons for acting or singing really helped a lot. It made me understand speech as a science and you can change what you don't like about your voice or even your accent. If it really bothers you, would you consider private lessons with an acting or speech teacher? 1 on 1 lessons are less scary than group classes. If your college has music or theater departments, you can see if a nice teacher is willing to give you private lessons. At my school, private lessons cost less if it wasn't your major. I was really shy and suicidal too, and a good teacher could make me perform in front of hundreds of people which made people want to be friends with me. I was really shocked once to hear someone say I was popular.

College turned out to be the most social years of my life. It was a fresh start from all the preconceived ideas people had about me being weird or shy. Have you chosen your major? It really helps to have a subject you love to take up your thoughts.

The thing I realized when I got older was that I was not as ugly or lame as I felt when I was younger. I was surprised at how good I looked in my college photos and I wished I had enjoyed being young and pretty instead of worrying that I was fat and ugly. You probably didn't realize you were cute as a kid, but don't most kids look really cute to you now? I think you are probably better at most things than you realize. Most people you meet are worrying about how they look and how they sound and obsessing over flaws that you can't even see in them. Do you ever notice that you feel ugly if you're a bit overweight, have acne, or some other flaw, but you think others who are overweight and have acne don't look that bad? You know how very attractive people make you feel insecure? So I try to remind myself that having flaws in my looks or manners lets people feel more comfortable around me. The fact that you are self conscious means you are less likely to offend people or hurt their feelings. From an objective point of view I don't think you are not unlikable at all.

I hope you find your oddball friends like I did. They are usually the nicest people.

Thanks for the advice and understanding. I like the idea with voice training, will try my best.