im in love with my wife sister since long time ago

hi im anthony i just want to share my experience and feelings to my wife and her sister
i really love my wife and she is my childhood sweetheart,the problem begins before we get married i become so attracted to her younger sister but that time she is so childish thats why i married my wife but i found her very attractive and i know that she likes me too even before.so years passes by and i admitted to her that i love her lone time ago and my love for her is unforgettable i am so stressed right now coz we are the only ones knows it she told me to stop it becuase she is afraid of her sister (my wife ) but i know deep inside her that she liked me too,she is 7 years younger than me and i am so stressed about this.my wife is beautiful aswell but i dont know what is really happenning to me.like i want to have divorce with my wife but im afraid too that i can loose them both if i do that.so im seeking advice in every forums and the problem is they hated me which i cant find any answers to my feelings.i hope someone will enlighten me.should i push my love to my wife or her sister.because if i do one step forward and my decision is wrong i can lose them both and i dont want that to happen.please help me i am so stressed now that i cannot sleep at night thinking of this.

thank you,
Anthony

Hello Anthony: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. And I don't know as there is a lot I can offer you in the way of advice. Clearly the best thing to do here, I would think, would be to try to forget your love for your wife's sister & be content with your wife & your marriage. Tell your wife's sister you were wrong to express your love for her & that neither you nor she should speak of it again. But of course what might be the best thing for you to do, & what you can bring yourself to do, may be two different things.

Personally, I think what you may need to do here is to find a counselor or therapist of some sort with whom you can talk all of this through at-length & in-depth over a period of time. Opening up to someone, preferably a mental health professional I would think, may be the best way to work through how you're feeling & decide what to do about it. (To my mind the situation is sufficiently complicated you're unlikely to find the solution on-line.) The worst option, to my way of thinking, would be to simply allow how you're feeling, & the thoughts you're having, to just continue to rumble around over-&-over in your mind. That is, it seems to me, a prescription for ongoing despair & anxiety.

In the meantime... here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of rumination. Hopefully some of the suggestions in these articles can be of at least some help in dealing with the thoughts that are tumbling around in your mind as you try to figure out how to proceed:

When Ruminating Becomes a Problem

The Reasons We Ruminate and How to Reduce the Cycle

8 Tips to Help Stop Ruminating

Why Ruminating is Unhealthy and How to Stop

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here is a link to another article, from PC's archives, that (hopefully) may also be of some help:

Putting the Brakes on the Impulse Toward Infidelity | Surviving Infidelity

Yes, it does seem complicated, @lastanthony682. I COMPLETELY agree with what the wise, wonderful Skeezyks has already wisely and WONDERFULLY said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Definitely talk things through with a therapist or counselor. They're there to help you after all. I feel like the decision is up to you in the end and it's worth exploring what you're TRULY feeling. It's important for BOTH you AND your Wife to make a decision soon. It is definitely not fair to keep a marriage going if you don't feel like you Love her enough. Take your time to make a choice and REALLY, TRULY explore your feelings. I hope things will turn out well for ALL the parties involved! Keep us updated on your situation and let us know how it goes if you want to. Don't worry, you WON'T be insulted here! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @lastanthony682, your Wife, her Sister, your Family, your Friends, your Parents, your Children if you have any, your Relatives and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING A SMUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!

Please do find a therapist to help you sort out your feelings ASAP.

I’m sorry but if your wife’s little sister is okay hooking up with you then she is a lousy human being because she would be okay in destroying there life long relationship.

What are you lacking from your marriage that has you even thinking about her little sister ? This amoung 101 more things are what you need to examine with the help of a Therapist.

Yes, you could lose them both and this younger sister would be hurting her sister in a way that she may never get over.

There is a saying "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" and there is a lot of truth to that.

You could lose them both and I cant say I would blame either one of them.

Hello

I understand that there may be attraction (or unconditional care for one another since it sounds like you all grew up together basically), but if you two truly loved each other, I think you would both see that furthering those feelings will only bring pain to all of you. Love comes in many ways. You can love her as family. You will always have her in your life. Love is a choice, like everything else. You don't have to be with someone and have them all to yourself, just because you love them. Most importantly, you need to see her as your wife's sister, not a potential lover.

I'm not sure how often you guys see/talk to each other, but I think it would be helpful if you drew some distance. We are human, and the more time you spend with somebody, the more attached you get. I'm going to make an assumption that you have crossed your boundaries at some point (talking about intimate things such as your marriage when things weren't going well, telling her things you don't tell your wife, etc.), because that is how you get emotionally invested. Your wife should be your #1 priority and your best friend. If she isn't the first person you want to call when you're needing to vent, or share good news, then what is the point?

& Of course her sister is scared. She's scared of you acting on it, talking to your wife about it, how her family will see her if they found out; she has a lot to lose. You need to be strong for both of you. I agree with Skeezyks, you two should never speak of it again.

You need to control your feelings - - - this lust, this taboo feeling of wanting someone so close that you can't have (and trust me, I know how intense it can get)- - - what's going to happen when **** gets out of control? The feeling of betrayal if she ever found out..? Your "sorry" won't mean anything to her; the trust is broken. The damage is already done and she's left making the hardest decision for you and her sister's selfishness: whether she should forgive you or leave you. She'll be the most miserable, when she did absolutely nothing wrong.


I can blab about this all day. But only You will know what the right thing to do is. If your wife was infatuated with somebody else, let alone your brother, how would you feel? How would you like her to handle it?

Feeling this way doesn't make you a terrible person, by the way. Love makes us blind... I think it's great that you acknowledged the issue and came for help. Good luck Anthony I am here for you regardless of what happens.