My sister-in-law lashed out at me

Well, this topic has reared its head again!

Via Mother, have now received invite to Christmas lunch at brother and sis-in-law's house. Apparently sis-in-law said "this isn't an apology or reconciliation, but just an invite for lunch".

So, with lockdowns/social distancing/bubbles etc, she now thinks it's a decent thing to do to invite an 85 year old with health problems and me to their house. The UK government aren't publishing details of what latest restrictions will mean for each area until Thursday.

Main issue in this thread is there's never been an apology from sis-in-law and there will never be one whilst she adopts this arrogant attitude. Even thinking about my Mother and that's where the emotional blackmail will be, I'm finding it difficult to contemplate sitting at a table with someone who thinks she's done no wrong and to openly say she's not apologising. Much as I'd like to see my niece, it's not sitting well with me. How do I know that if I say something sis-in-law doesn't like that she won't lash out at me again

Thanks Buffy01

Mother made sensible decision and decided not to go.

We delivered presents Sunday before Christmas. Stood outside their house talking to my brother and niece. Oh, wait a minute, someone was missing. Guess who! If she was doing that to snub me well sorry to say it was expected. Only person she made look silly was herself. Mother hasn't mentioned it, but she will at some stage.

Problem is can't prove any violations. There was going to be one on 26th December, when older niece had invited loads of people to her house. She subsequently cancelled; my aunt was apparently instrumental in that. Sis-in-law's mother spent Christmas Day with her daughter, my brother and younger niece so another good reason why we turned down the invite. This is how the virus is spread. It's all very well restricting contact within families, but you just don't know who else they've been in contact with, like my aunt visiting her widowed friend and getting a neighbour to take her there!

Back to topic. Sis-in-law sent me a cursory text saying thank you for presents. Was just writing one to my brother so sent that and acknowledged the arrival of hers.

The holidays are about a month away. What would you like to see happen? Would you like for the whole family to spend the day together in peace, love, and harmony? (Is that possible?). What would it take for that to happen? Do you want to have your mom celebrate with your brother and you go somewhere else?

Since the start of the year, I've not been criticised by my mother for anything, although she still can't tell my aunt properly to stop bossing her around. Admitted she's a coward.

Last Sunday, my mother, aunt (her sister) and SIL's mother all went to lunch at my brother and SIL's house. Apparently, they had a wonderful time although SIL still had attitude. My mother challenged the unacceptable comments she made. Just before leaving, she offered my mother a piece of homemade cake to take home, asking if I would like one too. The only reason I didn't eat it yesterday was it didn't look very appetising as jam and cream had made sponge soggy. Don't know what my mother will tell her, probably not the truth.

One observation I made to my mother was SIL sending me a gift of cake instead of apologising for her actions towards me. Mother's answer was who knows! If this is SIL's attempts at a reconciliation then she'll have to try harder.
As I've said before, not holding my breath....

This subject has come to the surface again, as it's approaching my mother's birthday. She doesn't know what to do about the "rift" as she calls it. Asked me what I intended to do about that day. Also wanted to moan because my aunt (her sister) had told her she was visiting that day too.

My answer was firstly it's your birthday, you decide what you want to do. Everything she suggested can't be done because of lockdown. Subject then returned to the rift. Again, it was how depressed she is and can't see a way forward with this situation. I asked what I think is an important question "have you discussed the situation with my brother?" Unsurprisingly, the answer was "No". My response "why not, there's two sides to this and I won't be blamed for someone else's unacceptable behaviour". Conversation ceased as there was no point in continuing. When I left her house later, said let me know what you want to do on your birthday. Have no intention of starting an argument on her birthday.

Probably mentioned this before, but can't understand why she won't have same conversation with my brother. Think she's scared that she'll be banned from seeing her only grandchild. She commented recently that I seem to have something on both of them that I won't share with her. Yes I do, but think it would affect her health. Or, she'll say she doesn't believe me.