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Member Since Sep 2018
Location: Birmingham UK
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#61
Thanks Prycejosh1987
To say I'm surprised is an understatement! Mother made decision herself to not risking going. Her considered view was "I've got this far, not going to risk it". The most sensible thing she's done in years. Brother said he understood. No comment from sister-in-law. My aunt (mother's sister) very miffed not going to her because she's been mixing with lots of other people, purely because she feels sorry for recently widowed friend. Digressed slightly there. As mother said "we can't just walk out if someone appears who we didn't know was invited". Arranging present delivery time next week, so I can at least see my niece and mother can see her granddaughter (socially distancing of course!) |
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Wise Elder
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#62
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#63
Thanks Buffy01
Mother made sensible decision and decided not to go. We delivered presents Sunday before Christmas. Stood outside their house talking to my brother and niece. Oh, wait a minute, someone was missing. Guess who! If she was doing that to snub me well sorry to say it was expected. Only person she made look silly was herself. Mother hasn't mentioned it, but she will at some stage. Problem is can't prove any violations. There was going to be one on 26th December, when older niece had invited loads of people to her house. She subsequently cancelled; my aunt was apparently instrumental in that. Sis-in-law's mother spent Christmas Day with her daughter, my brother and younger niece so another good reason why we turned down the invite. This is how the virus is spread. It's all very well restricting contact within families, but you just don't know who else they've been in contact with, like my aunt visiting her widowed friend and getting a neighbour to take her there! Back to topic. Sis-in-law sent me a cursory text saying thank you for presents. Was just writing one to my brother so sent that and acknowledged the arrival of hers. |
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Buffy01, Open Eyes
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Buffy01
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Wise Elder
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#64
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#65
Didn't think I'd be adding to this sorry tale. Maybe should have started a separate post regarding my mother, but the new problems relate to this topic. Perhaps I will, as there are other issues emanating from this.
Twice over the past week, my mother has accused me of having no compassion for her because I won't resolve the "family rift". Twice I have reminded her that I did not do the lashing out, so I have nothing to apologise for. When I ask if she's had the same conversation with my brother, she says yes. It's awful I know, but I just don't believe her. Today has ended as Saturday did because she cannot see any wrong. She is trying to manipulate me into apologising for something I didn't do because it's the easy way out. Sister-in-law is the type of person who is manipulative, full of bull***t and thinks she's convinced everyone how good she is. As I've reminded my mother today, if I apologised it sends out the wrong message and it's a great pity but don't think it's the last time sister-on-law will behave in this way. |
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#66
You have right to have boundaries.
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poshgirl
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#67
Thanks OpenEyes
That is very sound advice. Strange that the very person who set boundaries in my younger life is totally ignoring them now. It's Easter weekend here in the UK and we're supposed to be having lunch together on Sunday after my brother has visited Mother. I know how it will be. He'll speak to me, having pandered to her tears before I arrive. Everything will be fine because he's visited, said things she wants to hear but has no intention of acting on. Yet, days or even weeks later, she'll be frustrated again because the jobs aren't getting done. Then we're back to square one.... |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#68
Well, that's the nature of their relationship and there is nothing you can change about that. That is THEIR responsiblity, not yours.
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#69
OpenEyes, spot on again, thanks!
Yes I realise that. He's always been her favourite and as I've got older it's become more obvious. At 65, I know nothing will change but I'm not going to demolish my boundaries just to satisfy my mother's desire for "the easy way out". When I challenge her about the suggestion of me apologising, she avoids answering, then dredges up unrelated things that have happened to her in the past. I've also had to listen to her comments about my sister-in-law wearing the trousers. My brother has allowed this to happen so now lives with the consequences. I know my mother can't interfere in their relationship but it's another reason why she takes it out on me. She's admitted being a coward.... |
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Wise Elder
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#70
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Wise Elder
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#71
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Wise Elder
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#72
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Veteran Member
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#73
Thanks Buffy01
Have updated topic about degenerating relationship with my mother but overlooked this one! Was at family bbq nearly two weeks ago. Sister in law was "holding forth" when we (mother and I) arrived. When she realised she wasn't getting the attention, she went quiet. Not surprisingly, sister in law made no effort to speak to me, instead sitting other side of garden. It's amazing how much you can observe when wearing sunglasses! Probably better to guide you towards "Degenerating relationship with my mother" instead of repeating everything here. The situation has got worse and of course, it's all my fault. |
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Open Eyes
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