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Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
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#1
Hello,
I'm a 30 year old male who recently got involved with a 24 year old girl that has some major issues. We have only been together since July 2nd. It started out as just a one night stand and turned into what is now a pregnant relationship. She has a past of being rape, abducted, etc and as expected, PTSD. Anyways, the first few days she was with me she claimed to feel a demonic presence over my home and hears voices. It "bothered" her so bad that she decided to kick my cabinet and broke it. I took her home after the third day of nothing but harsh criticism and mean remarks no matter what I would do. The first day here she tried to change things about me, my life, and my pets. Well fast forward a few weeks and I have "broken up" with her and made her leave about 4 times and for some odd reason she will convince me that everything is ok and I take her back. As far as her actions go, she screams at the top of her lungs at me no matter how nice I am sometimes, and the next day will resume normal? Her eyes will become coal black and she laughs and mocks everything I say or do. Even when I'm doing something kind for her that truly came from my heart. It's very hurtful... She wont shower or get off the couch and is extremely lazy. But no matter what, its always my fault. About 2 weeks ago she said she had a feeling she was pregnant. Sure enough she is. Well calculating her cycle, ovulation, etc, it looks like the time she got pregnant was between the 21-26 of July.. She says the baby is mine even after I said I wanted a test. She swears up and down. The problem is she left 2 of those days and 2 in which she went to her first day at a new job. Well that day she was supposed to come back home at 2pm but didn't get here until 5. She said she had a flashback of her abduction from August 2014 and froze up on interstate and kept driving and driving up an hour past our exit and turned back around. Funny thing is a guy she used to see lives up off that exit and I pressured her until she said she "passed him at the gas station" but didn't talk to him? I don't know what to think..did she have PTSD and freeze up because her past? Last week I took her home and we were arguing but fine the next day and called each other, video chatted, etc. But when she came back to see me something told me to check her phone and I know I shouldn't have. I found a message from a guy she had over one of those nights. According to the messages they didn't have sex, but when I confronted her about it she said "when were me and you ever together anyways?!".. Sorry for the long rant but I'm confused, hurt, and now may have a child on the way. Thanks for any help given. |
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Buffy01, GypsyOfTheEast, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes
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Buffy01, MickeyCheeky
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#2
Did you have unprotected sex? That’s how babies are conceived. But you already know that. I’d have a test done ASAP after baby is born and start looking into getting full custody if you are stable. Or maybe there is a reliable grandma. She doesn’t sound like she is well enough to be a parent.
Last edited by divine1966; Aug 21, 2019 at 11:52 AM.. Reason: Autocorrect |
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MickeyCheeky
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lizardlady, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes
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New Member
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#3
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Threadtastic Postaholic
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#4
What type of birth control were you using?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#5
It seems complicated, @dsh2019. I'd suggest to go to a Doctor with her and consider all options and what you can do. I'm so sorry things are being so hard! I hope things will get better soon for all the parties involved and that you'll BOTH be able to find a solution and to decide where do you want to from there. Sending many safe, warm hugs to You, @dsh2019, your Baby, your Girlfriend and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!
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Wise Elder
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#6
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#7
Hey, I just got out of a relationship very similar to the one you are describing. I would say from the sound of it, her malevolent actions have nothing to do with you, but instead come from the problems from her past.
I stayed in my relationship for an entire year and it was six months of solid abuse and then I became completely dissociated because it hurt me so much. I tried to leave but she would always convince me it was going to get better but then it didn't. It was always echoes of the past for us. She would often lie to me about where she was and would often threaten to cheat and always be talking to other guys who she knew only wanted one thing from her. She tried so hard to get me to stay, but in the end I just couldn't because of all the damage she did to me. It was hard, but my friends helped convince me to stay away from her because she only ever hurt me. In my opinion, the only thing that can help her is professional help and she's only going to get that if she really wants to. It seems to me that you are faced with a very similar decision as I was. Either accept the fact she was so bad to you for so long and live with that for the rest of your relationship while you desperately cling to the hope that things will get better and that she'll quit being borderline unfaithful, or just get out. I chose the second because I couldn't live with the shame of staying with someone who was so cruel to me. It was so hard and took months to get out but I eventually steeled myself and she proved to me that I made the right decision when she jumped to the next thing with someone else after I told her there was no way I'd come back, not even being sure I meant it. Right until the end she tried to tell me she was pregnant and that I'm a horrible person for leaving when she realized I wouldn't come back for gifts. I told her to take a test but she never would and we haven't really talked for a few weeks now and I'm trying to just pick myself up and move forward. Just know your worth, man, and don't let people walk all over you if you don't deserve it. Ultimately the decision is yours, but think very hard on what it is you really want out of life. Think about your future with this person and ask yourself if that's what you really want and if it's worth spending your life investing in. You are totally free to completely disregard my opinion, but this is just my point of view, having been in a somewhat similar situation. I hope this helps. Good luck Last edited by GypsyOfTheEast; Aug 21, 2019 at 11:43 PM.. |
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky
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#8
I dont understand why she was living with you when you've only been together a month? That's a big red flag.
I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation, but if you don't want a child there are options. Is she adamant on continuing the pregnancy? If she does carry to term, I would also demand a paternity test upon birth. Whatever you do, don't marry her just because she's pregnant. In fact, I would end the relationship entirely and only stay in contact so much as to determine paternity. She does not sound stable enough to be in a relationship and there's no reason to put yourself through the kind of trauma this kind of relationship will cause. Sorry it's not super positive advice. You deserve better than what she's putting you through. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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MickeyCheeky
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GypsyOfTheEast, MickeyCheeky
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#9
She already has one child in foster care? When the baby situation is sorted, try to figure out why would you date someone like that. If you end up taking care of the child, so be it but please don’t have romantic relationship with these type of people. Not good news
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MickeyCheeky
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MickeyCheeky, sarahsweets
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#10
only you know if the baby could be yours. get a test to verify either way.
do the right thing if it is your child...support it, but stay away from the mother. she is a giant train wreck. be smarter next time. use your brain. |
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gothicpear
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#11
It sounds like this woman may suffer from schizophrenia and ptsd if she is seeing demons etc. It sounds like she struggles with paranoid dellusions or possibly experiences some psychosis too. Thing is that certain medications used to treat these possible conditions can have a bad affect on the unborn child where it can develop some big challenges if it survives the pregnancy. She has already had one child taken away from her? That's not good and you don't even know if that child was born with special needs or not either.
I think this experience is going to teach you some very important lessons. If she is pregnant then she was not taking any contreceptives and you did not wear any protection either. Any time you don't wear protection you are taking a huge risk. Last edited by Open Eyes; Aug 22, 2019 at 02:23 PM.. |
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New Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
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#12
Thank you all for the responses! I feel sick to my stomach.
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Bill3, Open Eyes
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#13
Her being pregnant doesn’t mean you need to be forced into a relationship with her. It just means you wait for the paternity test and take on parenting responsibilities if it truly is yours
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Chyialee
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#14
I agree with Crazy Hitch. Have nothing to do with this woman unless a paternity test proves the baby is yours. And then at that point you should STILL have nothing to do with this woman, only your parenting responsibilities. And learn from this so that you can quickly recognize the signs should you meet another person like this and then get the H*** away from them.
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Crazy Hitch
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