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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
Posts: 3,134
9 437 hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 08:53 AM
#1
My wife has done this a few times to me. I talk about something I plan on doing, and she asks "is your therapist okay with that?" I really feel undermined- it's like she is telling me "you're not capable of making this decision on your own" or even worse "you're probably wrong, so you better make sure your therapist thinks it's okay".
It's a pretty heavy blow to my confidence. I should also add that the times it has happened, my therapist did know (before I mentioned it to my wife)- and my therapist supported my decision- and didn't even think to question me about it. But what if it was something that I wanted to do, and my therapist disagreed? Should I tell my wife? Ignore the question? __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; Sep 20, 2019 at 09:35 AM.. |
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 Open Eyes, TunedOut, unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 1,523
4 6,984 hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 09:35 AM
#2
I sometimes violate the rule (my T suggested it but she was right), but it is best not to discuss what was discussed in therapy. Our spouses aren't doing us any favours either when they pry or suggest what we need to work on.
What a cop out! If your wife has concerns, she should say why rather than deferring to your therapist. Our friends and spouses can help us as much as our Ts do if they try to be staightforward, openminded, and try to really listen. Not saying it is alway easy to have these conversations but referring to your T like this is like saying, "I can't deal with you" IMO.  I say this while saying I have my own challenges in regards to how I respond to my spouse. It can be hard but the next time she says something like that--perhaps discuss?
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 shakespeare47
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
7 38.4k hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 10:21 AM
#3
I hear you, shakespeare! I've never witnessed this personally, but I can DEFINITELY understand how TERRIBLE it would be to hear something like that!
I've sometimes been asked by my parents if I were taking my Meds in reaction to me arguing with them. It's not very nice in my opinion although I'm sure they mean well. I understand your pain! I COMPLETELY agree with the WISE and WONDERFUL TunedOut!  Your wife should be honest to you. Perhaps you can talk top her about ALL of this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully that will help a bit!  Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and her, @shakespeare47, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking!    
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shakespeare47
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: rochester, michigan
Posts: 3,111
12 60 hugs
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Sep 20, 2019 at 10:47 AM
#4
What goes on between your t and you is your business, and should be shared only if you want to.
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shakespeare47
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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