What does your spouse do that upsets you?

shakespeare47 · Sep 20, 2019 at 02:49 PM

Lately she will just get bossy and give commands like, "go take a picture of that for me"... and I hate myself for usually doing what she asks. I think next time I'll just calmly say something like "nah, you can do it". I can tell she does this because she is angry about something, but when I bring it up, she refuses to discuss it- but doesn't deny being angry.

She mocks me for being face-blind.

She mocks my interest in philosophy.

She deliberately slows down a conversation and refuses to answer questions and says something like, "I'm sorry, I have slow processing." Considering all I know about her, this smacks of insincerity and pettiness.

She refuses to take me seriously when I tell her how much I detest being around her family - because of the way they treat me. And refuses to help me find a solution. I suggested driving separately, and she made an issue of it, told her family what I was doing, and keeps trying to get me to ride together- even though she told me she did agree that it was a good solution.

TunedOut · Sep 21, 2019 at 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

She mocks me for being face-blind.

She mocks my interest in philosophy..

Do you say something when she does this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

She deliberately slows down a conversation and refuses to answer questions and says something like, "I'm sorry, I have slow processing." Considering all I know about her, this smacks of insincerity and pettiness.

This does sound like she isn't fully participating in the conversation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

She refuses to take me seriously when I tell her how much I detest being around her family - because of the way they treat me. And refuses to help me find a solution. I suggested driving separately, and she made an issue of it, told her family what I was doing, and keeps trying to get me to ride together- even though she told me she did agree that it was a good solution.

Though it would be wrong to never go--it is OK to sometimes say, "I would rather not go this time." She can't force you to do anything--you will never feel good about yourself if you don't stand up for yourself.

There are things my spouse does that upsets me and things I do that upset him. It is not worth it to make an issue out of everything (we have to learn to accept each other) but when something really bothers us--that's when we have to do something about it. We have to ask? Are they treating us badly (sometimes I can read more into a situation than is really going on--everyone has bad days where they get impatient). If they aren't respecting us--we need to find situations where we take a stand. Not everything but if we stand up enough to show that they must respect us--we will feel better about ourselves.

eskielover · Sep 21, 2019 at 06:19 AM

It ended up being EVERYTHING about him. That is why he is NOW my EX -H & I live 2100 miles away. They call it irreconcilable differences.

I could list them all BUT it would end up being a full book, not just a post

shakespeare47 · Sep 22, 2019 at 10:03 AM

Lately we've had encounters that went like this:
Me: I really felt close to you last night when ________________
My Wife: [long silence- changes the subject]

I guess eventually I'm going to have to ask her what's going on. For some reason I have a hard time engaging her in the moment.

What I should have said is something like - "What's going on with you right now? It appears you didn't have a good a time as I did. Should I be worried?"

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What does your spouse do that upsets you?

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