[WishfulThinker66]

Well this is more of an observation than a seeking of advice. What I really need is to complain (as usual) and get this off my chest.

We may not be a large family but we are a blended one. Some of us have had more than one marriage too. All of this makes for rather complicated holiday arrangements and someone always seems to have their nose out of joint and fails to at least try to understand the dynamics.

My adult children maintain contact with not only their biological father's family but their step-dad too. The same goes for my brother's adult sons. Add to this new family relationships from our present partners and you get a very complicated and difficult plan to accommodate as many as you can over a holiday.

Take this (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend for instance. We had multiple dinners over the three days we were invited to. Obviously some people are going to be terribly disappointed. Sigh. You can't win in such a situation.

The person in our life who reacts the most is my step-mother. The woman is 65 and set in her ways and refuses to try to comprehend the position everyone is put in to make hard decisions. No matter what we do she pulls a tantrum. This weekend it was being outraged that we held our main family dinner on the Saturday. What a fit she made - and makes every year. It happens each Xmas, and Easter too. Frankly I have grown tired of her antics. For goodness sake woman, we are at least fitting you in. Do you not realise we have turned down other invites to make this particular one a priority?

Anyway, enough ranting. And thank you for listening. Arrrgh. This has become so very tiring.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, family quarrels are certainly hard to deal with, @WishfulThinker66 - especially during the Holidays!! I am so sorry you have to put up with ALL of this! Grind Your Teeth And Bear What You Can. Hopefully things will improve soon! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @WishfulThinker66, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL of Your Loved Ones! STAY STRONG, TRY TO DO YOUR BEST, PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP, KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK? I hope you'll be able to do and to Promise Us ALL OF THAT and to handle things AS WELL AND AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!

[Misterpain]

What so many forget , the coming together as family is not a time to gripe or quarrel or hold grudges ,it's time to celebrate all of you who made another year and be thankful for all the things big and small that enabled it all . If you want to be angry, bitter, "play old negative family tapes" for God's sake grow up ,stay home and be miserable happily all by yourself , they really don't need to drag everyone else down with them , they choose to show up ,just as they choose to be sad, mad, angry, bitter (insert applicable negative emotion) etc.

I have made a personal choice long ago , I don't have an easy life , I have had shall we say an "exotic life" rewarding in so many ways and horrific in others ,I rarely talk about ,why?

The choice I made was to check my attitudes at my front door , leave it at home .
People know me as intelligent, friendly, caring, jokester ,I talk to strangers , I will happily listen to someone else and try to ease there burden if I can .
They don't know me for the guy in intractable pain ,dying of a rare disease , they can find that out in the obituaries, because if i am going to be a jerk about it why i am i alive? Theres plenty of time to hate your mortal journey when your dead !

Now I am not Canadian , I am dumb American, however know your not alone ,I am an amateur radio operator and many a Canadian amateur will be on the air on Thanks, they would rather hang out with old friends and new friends and avoid the family members who want to create drama .

I didn't have a big family , but then as now when I am the only one left, have a house full of like minded people who form our own family, and we take in strays if we know someone is going to be alone rather than deal with " family issues " we invite them or push, pull or drag them along , a good meal ,happy thankfull people and possibly a great conversation drama free .

It may not help ,but try setting ground rules, about squabbles and drama , as in those who start one will be asked to leave , for this year and can come back next year .

There are people in the world who operate from a position of dissatisfaction with everything. The fact that she's dissatisfied with holiday time dinner scheduling isn't the issue. She's dissatisfied with everything. You only get to see her dissatisfaction at the holiday dinners. If you lived with her you'd see she's actually unhappy with everything and everybody.

I used to shop at a particular grocery store for about five years. In the last year of shopping at that grocery store I felt annoyed that I always seemed to pick a broken grocery cart. It either didn't steer right or it was hard to push, as one of the wheels was always damaged. And I got a broken grocery cart about 85% of the time.

Today I realize that 85% of the shopping carts at that store are broken. They didn't do maintenance on them. So I didn't have bad luck. They had bad shopping carts.

I think your step mother has anxiety and depression. And it manifests as dissatisfaction with everything, which you think is her being dissatisfied with the dinner scheduling. Even if you were to do everything her way, she would still find something to be dissatisfied with...food, arrival time of guests, parking, tablecloths, etc.

[WishfulThinker66]

thank you everyone! Really. I am truly happy at your extension of friendship and encouragement.

Well, we managed to navigate our way through and remain intact all the for it. Yes, stressful at times. But for the most part it was a pretty good weekend of good company and food. As for my stepmom everyone it seemed gave her a wide birth this time around. I felt a bit badly. It wasn't like we were ignoring her out of bad will. I think we have all just grown tired of it. It is not just I who have her whining directed at. She does so to everyone at our gatherings. It is my fault, it is my brother's fault, and to the grandchildren both adult and child she draws their attention to it being our faults. Thanksgiving as she points out is important enough to stop and lay down what we are doing and spend it with family. What she doesn't get though is that we all have other family. Sigh. The Saturday was in an effort to prioritize us all together before we are pulled our various directions. And geesh, why does it matter which of the three days of the holiday we eat on?

But it is all behind us.

My husband and I are now talking about going away for Christmas so as to avoid this all happening again. I can already hear her voice telling me I am so selfish.

I hope others in similar situations were able to navigate things themselves with as little hurt feelings as possible.