Is there any way for us good hearted people to stop getting taken advantage of?

Disney2019 · Oct 13, 2019 at 07:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I stand corrected. But you still have plenty of time to meet right men. Mid 40s is now new 30s. Still young

I am not suggesting you should chase perfection. No one is perfect. You just have to have clear standards and firm understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t. This clearly isn’t working

thanks again..I guess I thought a 45 year old man would be more stable, but he is acting like a 21 year old, and it’s not a turn on.

Open Eyes · Oct 13, 2019 at 09:49 AM

If you don't mind my asking, what was your relationship like with your father?

divine1966 · Oct 13, 2019 at 10:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disney2019

thanks again..I guess I thought a 45 year old man would be more stable, but he is acting like a 21 year old, and it’s not a turn on.

Well there is a reality and then there is something we want. Reality is that he is no good as a boyfriend. So focus on reality. Wanting and hoping for things to be different isn’t going to change him.

I’d also talk to a therapist about attraction to unavailable disinterested men. There has to be something in it. When you explore it in depth you might break the pattern.

Disney2019 · Oct 13, 2019 at 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

If you don't mind my asking, what was your relationship like with your father?

not great..he had a drinking problem. I am sure it’s why I pick these type of men

Disney2019 · Oct 13, 2019 at 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well there is a reality and then there is something we want. Reality is that he is no good as a boyfriend. So focus on reality. Wanting and hoping for things to be different isn’t going to change him.

I’d also talk to a therapist about attraction to unavailable disinterested men. There has to be something in it. When you explore it in depth you might break the pattern.

I have honestly had enough of his pubescent games. I am not in junior high school, and I’m not going to play jhs games either. I recall one weekend, not too long ago as a matter of fact, I was texting him Saturday and Sunday and I even tried to call and he didn’t pick up..I didn’t know if he was upset with me, if something happened god forbid or what. So come Monday I texted him he says that he was sick all weekend, didn’t respond to anyone..it was a load of crap because he slipped a day later or so telling me how his friend stopped by on Saturday. If he was sick as he said, then he wouldn’t have let them in. He lies so much he can’t keep track of what the hell he even said. So you bet, he would say some load of crap again..he didn’t feel like talking to me anymore, so like an ***, he just decided not to respond anymore out of boredom or whatever. Well, let’s see how he feels when he’s bored and his text and calls aren’t going through...

TishaBuv · Oct 13, 2019 at 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disney2019

Thanks. I’ve been on the fence with him..I will second guess myself because then he will start initiating contact, asking to see me, etc...but then after I see him we’re back to square one..he’s always putting his friends and everything else firstI feel all I’m doing if making his already huge ego even bigger and he certainly isn’t the end all, so it’s no good. He needs his ego deflated

^This is true.

There’s a bigger picture here for you as to relationships and good points here about how you are predisposed to unavailable men.

But I want to say something about texting. I think texting conversations aren’t a great idea. You should try to keep it to just short, important messages. He probably does get bored with the back and forth and goes silent on you.

Try to save the conversation for the times you are together in person and don’t be overly available.

This guy is probably not right for you and you’ll move on anyway. But add a little mystery and see how it goes. You may be surprised to find him pursuing you more.

Disney2019 · Oct 13, 2019 at 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

^This is true.

There’s a bigger picture here for you as to relationships and good points here about how you are predisposed to unavailable men.

But I want to say something about texting. I think texting conversations aren’t a great idea. You should try to keep it to just short, important messages. He probably does get bored with the back and forth and goes silent on you.

Try to save the conversation for the times you are together in person and don’t be overly available.

This guy is probably not right for you and you’ll move on anyway. But add a little mystery and see how it goes. You may be surprised to find him pursuing you more.

He’s not right for me and I don’t trust him. My gut is 100% correct. There’s something not right...I tried to call and it rang for half a second and went to voicemail, and I highly doubt his fingers are that fast to reject a call..he is playing me for a fool.

divine1966 · Oct 13, 2019 at 06:43 PM

Disney you kept texting and calling this guy Saturday and Sunday and Monday and he isn’t replying. He isn’t asking you on a date and he isn’t making arrangements to see you. Thats not how men act if they are into you. At some point it has to click that he isn’t interested. He isn’t worth pursuing. Please just let this guy go. There are ton of men out there who would like to date you. But you got to drop this one

Fuzzybear · Oct 13, 2019 at 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disney2019

Thanks. I’ve been on the fence with him..I will second guess myself because then he will start initiating contact, asking to see me, etc...but then after I see him we’re back to square one..he’s always putting his friends and everything else first..I feel all I’m doing if making his already huge ego even bigger and he certainly isn’t the end all, so it’s no good. He needs his ego deflated

It's all about him and his ego. He's not worth your time..

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Is there any way for us good hearted people to stop getting taken advantage of?

My Support Forums

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,108 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Oct 13, 2019 at 09:49 AM #22 If you don't mind my asking, what was your relationship like with your father?
	Reply With Quote