Being Punished

I’m at a loss. Guess I have been dating for the last two and half years changed over night, and not in a good way. I made the mistake of getting him a puppy. I thought he really wanted one (he showed me pictures, told me the breed he wanted etc) so when I found a breeder close to home I went and picked one out. I thought it was just a money thing that had kept him from doing it. He didn’t get angry when I gave my bf the puppy. He never really said much. I was at a loss on if he wanted him or not. I told him the next day if he didn’t want him I would take him back. He said too late. Next weekend came and he came down to visit. He got upset over me leaving and not telling him where I was going and so just left while I was out getting Dairy Queen for everyone. When I got a hold of him he said he wasn’t any good company and had left. I made some excuse up to the kids on why he had left suddenly. That was the start to things changing. He used to text me every day but it wasn’t the same. So the next weekend I went up to see him (he lives in another city) and he made me feel awful about getting him the puppy. He said “he didn’t have a voice in the situation” which I didn’t understand and acted as if I got it for him to punish him. I told him I hadn’t. It was a strained evening but I stayed the night and left the next day. Things continued at that pace for a few weeks but then he cancelled some work conference because he refused to let me help watch the puppy while he was gone. It cost him several grand. That was the end of my rope as I became frustrated he wouldn’t let me help with anything and I asked for space. Couple days later after not talking I went up there and we spent the evening together and back home the next day because of my dads and kids birthday. Ever since then he doesn’t text me. I have to text him. I went back up and spent a week with him and the evenings were nice but again I tried to talk about things and told him how I felt like we were off, and all he said is we were fine. I feel like I’m carrying the lions share of the work and trying hard where he isn’t. I know he is still mad at me but won’t talk. I just feel like he is punishing me. I finally gave up this week on texting him and now it’s been since Monday since I have from him and it’s Saturday evening. Not sure what else to do. Not sure if I should walk away or not. I know how much I hurt when I lost him before and I am afraid to quit. I thought giving him space might help him heal but it’s been days and I don’t like this. I don’t like the way he is treating me. Any thoughts? Is it over and I am in denial?

Personally, I'm not sure if it's over. He could just be taking some time. Whatever the case, you two really need to have a heart to heart. I would contact him and see if you can arrange a time to sit down. You need to find out where everybody's heads are. Is he in this thing? Are you? Is he interested in or seeing someone else? You need to sort this all out. Then, you can get a game plan.

Relationships are hard. They take work and if you guys are going to push through this thing, there will have to be some work done. I do know how painful it is to be in the position you are in, but you can't start feeling much better until you guys figure out who is staying and who is going. Sending you positive vibes and support!!

Puppies aren't something you get spur of the moment, and he is probably upset he didn't get to have the experience of choosing the pet himself nor was he actually ready for the responsibility of the puppy or had the time for a puppy. Why did you get the puppy in the first place?

I feel there's not enough information to say much else.

I'm sorry that you are going through this rough time! It sounds like he not communicating with you. It hard to say if the relationship is over because he seem to be confused about what he wants when he gives you mixed signal. You have nothing to apologized for. You have to decide how you feel about the way the relationship is going and whether or not you want to be in a relationship with him. I feel like it odd that he won't let you care for the dog while he is away. Have you thought about asking him if our relationship is fine than why are you giving me mixed signals and see where it goes from there?

That is great advice. I wish that I had thought about that myself. I agree with everything you said.