My Marriage

Been together ten years and married 8. I’ve recent come off of abilify completely. I’m tittering up Lamotrigine and will be taking my third dosage of 50 mg tonight. Long story short, My husband is in the military and use to work another job but eventually quit due to no prospects in advancement with that job. I was miserable when he was working to jobs. I wanted him to be home more. I told him I’d rather him play games all day every day then work to jobs. So, now he just has his military active duty job. I was on a very low dosage of ability when I was miserable while he was working two jobs. Maybe 5mg. Then I got put on Lamotrigine and I just want my husband around all the time and when he plays video games I become irrationally angry at him for not spending time with me. I’ve said I wanted to go home because I need someone with me all the time. I’ve said it a lot lately. Well, today I said I wanted to go home again. My husband just lost it. Packed up all his games and consoles to giveaway. But it’s all he has. He does everything for us. He said he can’t do it anymore because he grew up with parents who made him believe everything was okay and then would rip the rug out from under him. It’s been TEN YEARS. He said we’re such a power couple in all aspects of our lives but this. But this is still something that always bothers me. He said he can’t do it again. He loves me enough to get rid of him games but won’t bring them back because if it happens again he’ll be done with our relationship. He loves me. But he’ll be done. I feel like such a burden. I just cling to him right now and I have severe anxiety when he isn’t around. I really don’t want to ruin my relationship but I really feel like I’m pushing my husband to his breaking point. I love his man more than words can say. Please, give me all the tough love I need. I want to be a better person. Last night I had severe intrusive thought about suicide and I almost panicked and he helped calm me down.

Sorry your struggling , but your constant need for him and all his attention could run him off.

I think you need to find out what is driving how your feeling .... have you ever lived on your own?? Do you work now???

I think you definitely need to talk to a Therapist about it and quick. Maybe once you can identify what’s causing your feelings you might need couples counseling to iron out some boundaries, my husband and I are totally in love but we both enjoy stuff the other doesn’t and enjoy some time apart.

I think it’s great your husband is ready to put his gaming away to help you feel secure but he’s also saying he’s hitting a limit.

Hey @ladyconfused

Quote:

Needy people’s behavior and emotions are fear driven and reactive. It pushes their partners away rather than drawing them closer. What becomes of their relationship depends on their ability to stop making it their partner’s “job” to love and reassure them. It also depends on their ability to become

Needy People in Marriage and Relationships - Jack Ito PhD
Being needy takes its toll on a marriage or relationship. Yes, you could push him away but it also sets the stage for codependence. Are you in therapy?

I'd say you need to talk to an individual therapist and maybe couples therapist too, if you both can agree on one and have the time and money. You need to get to the root of what's driving your problems and both of you need to work on communication skills.

Also, before you started on Lamictal, did you remain on Abilify? Are you still on 5mg? That's a pretty low dose for that medication, so you may want to consider increasing it. It also may not be the right med for you in the end. How much Lamictal are you on now?

Have you thought about looking for therapy? Someone who specialize in anxiety? And a marriage counselor? He may feel like you are too clingy, codependent.

That is great advice