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Calypso2632
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 02:39 PM
  #1
My boyfriend and i were together almost 3 years, i got sober a year ago, hes still been getting drunk daily. He holds everything from the past against me, including his ex's cheating, using him etc and fully expects me to do the same... i haven't, and never would. this is why we aren't together now. its been on and off, push pull since around June, he started working just after Xmas, and i started for the same company in march... My gut told me something was up and i snooped in his phone and there was conversations to a coworker eluding to meetups and he swears he didn't cheat, but i call BS. Guilty people often accuse their partners of exactly the behaviors they are committing. My internal injustice scale has been screaming for months. He wants his cake, and to eat it too. wants to be friends with every woman at work on Facebook, friend requests cam girls, emotionally invests with other people all while not talking or sharing with me. i never knew his issues or what was going on until he would drunk explode, and he never took the time to listen or acknowledge anything is going on with me. i have to constantly walk on eggshells, not have a difference in opinion, or have emotions or feeling outside the scope of his... if i do an argument or breakup will ensue.. he threatens suicide/self harm on a regular basis to me and only me, hes never out of line in public so i'm the only one who sees his crazy. and his angry. his public face is happy go lucky. It kinda makes me look like the psycho one and i think that's what he is trying to bill me for. Also I've caught him having taken my medication 2x in an attempt to.. ? IDK he swears he didn't, but i don't drink anymore or do anything to alter my brain and ive had a med im not longer on come up substantially short, and just a few days ago a med be low, with a totally different med in that bottle with it. i would never do that myself. and i'm far from stupid..

anyways the conflict i'm dealing with now is not the ending of the relationship, but the fallout, and the fact that i need him as a roommate cause there is no way i can afford to live on my own. i've been in this apartment almost 16 years and have a great rapport with the landlord. nothing in this area is any cheaper, and the way my place is set up, and only a 1 bedroom at that, if i could find a roomie on the cheap who would accept couch accommodations i'm severely uncomfortable with it seeing as the bathroom is through my bedroom... i have no close friends i could offer to room with me.. i just dont know what to do at this point. i dont want to end up in a shelter.. which is all my community support worker is offering.. low income housing around here is horrible. drunks, drugs, drama.. no thanks. im too old and past that nonsense. im not dealing with it.

i just dont know what to do. i mostly like my job.. i love my place, and i dont want to start over in a new town.

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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 02:57 PM
  #2


How did you pay for the apartment before ex-boyfriend moved in?
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Calypso2632
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 03:05 PM
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i was working as a cna, was married to my ex husband, and the rent was a hundred and fifty dollars cheaper. also i had more income at the time. many factors at play almost 3 years ago vs today and today expenses vs today's income.

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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 03:42 PM
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What if you posted online for an actual roommate to share the bedroom with you?
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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 04:52 PM
  #5
the rooms here arent that big, and the bedroom has no room for another bed. sigh. i just dont know what to do. also not remotely interested in pursuing
another relationship.. yeah this one is fresh, but we have been more off than on since june, and im so over the problems presented by modern day relationships. idk. just tired of what life keeps dropping on me right now. i do get the laws of attraction, you get back what you put out. but im just too sick and too tired to put anything out. i go to work, and stay home.
i havent given up per say. i just dont have energy to put into people anymore. i have always put out way more than i have ever gotten back and im over it. not exactly bitter.. just tired..

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Default Oct 14, 2019 at 06:28 PM
  #6
Given your relationship with your landlord, do you think you could get out of your lease if you found someone that you could join as a roommate?

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Default Oct 15, 2019 at 02:32 AM
  #7
hi
@Calypso2632:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso2632 View Post
My boyfriend and i were together almost 3 years, i got sober a year ago, hes still been getting drunk daily. He holds everything from the past against me, including his ex's cheating, using him etc and fully expects me to do the same... i haven't, and never would. this is why we aren't together now.
Good. Its very hard to stay sober when you S/O is not and is blaming you. The blame stems from shame IMO.
Quote:

its been on and off, push pull since around June, he started working just after Xmas, and i started for the same company in march... My gut told me something was up and i snooped in his phone and there was conversations to a coworker eluding to meetups and he swears he didn't cheat, but i call BS. Guilty people often accuse their partners of exactly the behaviors they are committing. My internal injustice scale has been screaming for months. He wants his cake, and to eat it too. wants to be friends with every woman at work on Facebook, friend requests cam girls, emotionally invests with other people all while not talking or sharing with me. i never knew his issues or what was going on until he would drunk explode, and he never took the time to listen or acknowledge anything is going on with me. i have to constantly walk on eggshells, not have a difference in opinion, or have emotions or feeling outside the scope of his... if i do an argument or breakup will ensue..
I know checking his phone helped you gain perspective, but it does nothing towards trust.
Quote:

he threatens suicide/self harm on a regular basis to me and only me, hes never out of line in public so i'm the only one who sees his crazy. and his angry.
This is emotional hijacking. Whether or not he means it you have to call his bluff and contact the authorities.

Quote:
his public face is happy go lucky. It kinda makes me look like the psycho one and i think that's what he is trying to bill me for. Also I've caught him having taken my medication 2x in an attempt to.. ? IDK he swears he didn't, but i don't drink anymore or do anything to alter my brain and ive had a med im not longer on come up substantially short, and just a few days ago a med be low, with a totally different med in that bottle with it.
What meds did he take?

Quote:
anyways the conflict i'm dealing with now is not the ending of the relationship, but the fallout, and the fact that i need him as a roommate cause there is no way i can afford to live on my own. i've been in this apartment almost 16 years and have a great rapport with the landlord. nothing in this area is any cheaper, and the way my place is set up, and only a 1 bedroom at that, if i could find a roomie on the cheap who would accept couch accommodations i'm severely uncomfortable with it seeing as the bathroom is through my bedroom... i have no close friends i could offer to room with me.. i just dont know what to do at this point. i dont want to end up in a shelter.. which is all my community support worker is offering.. low income housing around here is horrible. drunks, drugs, drama.. no thanks. im too old and past that nonsense. im not dealing with it.
This is where your motivation comes into play. Would you rather live with an alcoholic, mean room mate? If you do not mind then stay out of his way. If you do mind you will have to consider moving.

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Default Oct 21, 2019 at 09:45 PM
  #8
Not even taking his personality and how he's been treating you into account, you need a partner that supports your sobriety and doesn't jeopardize it with their own actions.

If you break up with him, you do lose some things; that's true and it would suck. But if you stay he could contribute directly or indirectly to your relapse and then you could lose everything, including your life.

He may have had a really dark past and he's dealing with a lot of demons now, plus the sobriety issues, but that doesn't make it your fault or your problem. And if he's not willing to get help for himself, nevermind support you in your struggles, that's a pretty big red flag.
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Default Nov 07, 2019 at 05:41 PM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso2632 View Post
My boyfriend and i were together almost 3 years, i got sober a year ago, hes still been getting drunk daily. He holds everything from the past against me, including his ex's cheating, using him etc and fully expects me to do the same... i haven't, and never would. this is why we aren't together now. its been on and off, push pull since around June, he started working just after Xmas, and i started for the same company in march... My gut told me something was up and i snooped in his phone and there was conversations to a coworker eluding to meetups and he swears he didn't cheat, but i call BS. Guilty people often accuse their partners of exactly the behaviors they are committing. My internal injustice scale has been screaming for months. He wants his cake, and to eat it too. wants to be friends with every woman at work on Facebook, friend requests cam girls, emotionally invests with other people all while not talking or sharing with me. i never knew his issues or what was going on until he would drunk explode, and he never took the time to listen or acknowledge anything is going on with me. i have to constantly walk on eggshells, not have a difference in opinion, or have emotions or feeling outside the scope of his... if i do an argument or breakup will ensue.. he threatens suicide/self harm on a regular basis to me and only me, hes never out of line in public so i'm the only one who sees his crazy. and his angry. his public face is happy go lucky. It kinda makes me look like the psycho one and i think that's what he is trying to bill me for. Also I've caught him having taken my medication 2x in an attempt to.. ? IDK he swears he didn't, but i don't drink anymore or do anything to alter my brain and ive had a med im not longer on come up substantially short, and just a few days ago a med be low, with a totally different med in that bottle with it. i would never do that myself. and i'm far from stupid..

anyways the conflict i'm dealing with now is not the ending of the relationship, but the fallout, and the fact that i need him as a roommate cause there is no way i can afford to live on my own. i've been in this apartment almost 16 years and have a great rapport with the landlord. nothing in this area is any cheaper, and the way my place is set up, and only a 1 bedroom at that, if i could find a roomie on the cheap who would accept couch accommodations i'm severely uncomfortable with it seeing as the bathroom is through my bedroom... i have no close friends i could offer to room with me.. i just dont know what to do at this point. i dont want to end up in a shelter.. which is all my community support worker is offering.. low income housing around here is horrible. drunks, drugs, drama.. no thanks. im too old and past that nonsense. im not dealing with it.

i just dont know what to do. i mostly like my job.. i love my place, and i dont want to start over in a new town.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now.
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