Re: Long Distance Vs. In Person Relationships?

Hi, I am in a long distance relationship. I am 65 and he is 67. Our relationship has been up and down. WE started out being in the same state and he visited when he had days off. Unfortunately, he went to visit his family in Puerto Rico and was forced (by circumstances) into taking care of his brother who is very ill.

We kept up on our relationship and he visited me for about a week but had to return. Plans were for him to come back here and finish out his work then retire. Plans were made and we were to move in together. That did not come to fruition. He went back to check on his brother and supposedly things got worse for him there.

He has to work, but his brother's illness (Cancer) has kept him there. He doesn't know for sure when he will be able to leave. I am here trying to hold on to the relationship because I Love him. Problem wit that is I don't know how long I should wait. This is a problem with Long Distance relationships. It turns into more of a friendship. Waiting too long can make you bitter.

Hello Hummingbirdlvr: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of long distance relationships:

The Challenge of Long-Distance Relationships

Solve These 5 HUGE Long-Distance Relationship Problems, Now!

7 Tips for Long-Distance Couples

How "FaceTiming" Could Save Your Long Distance Relationship | Positive Psychology & Personality

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I was in a long-distance relationship with a woman who lived in Sydney (I am on the West Coast of the US). There was a lot of travel. A lot of waking up at 230 in the morning to call her at a time convenient for her and her work. Email and texting helped. We loved each other, clearly. But at the end of the day, we both came to the conclusion that the only way this was going to work in the long run was for us to live together in the same city, either Sydney or Portland. She was happy to move to my town. I was happy to move to hers. The only problem was, we both had young children. The custody situation was just way too complicated. Long story, but we ultimately ended it. I still think about her, 20 years later. She could've been the one. it still makes me sad. All the time.

Fortunately for you, PR is a short flight from Miami and you could conceivably go down there to visit him. Why haven't you? It might demonstrate some commitment on your part and since you love him, that might be a good thing. Whatever the case, I do believe you two must endeavor to physically see each other regularly, or this is going to be very hard. Relationships take work. Long-distance relationships take way, way more work. That's my experience, anyway. Wishing you all the best.