advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous42708
Guest
Anonymous42708 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Trig Oct 17, 2019 at 06:57 PM
  #1
I split with my wife back in April 2018, at that point it was over, within a couple of weeks we reconciled, and we agreed that I would stay at my parents for a few months while I sorted my mental health problems out, we were originally due to get back together in October last year, but things never worked out that way, I flipped and we decided to leave it another 6 months, I was preparing to go back in May this year and yet again, I suffered a meltdown, and this time, I ended things for good.

On this occasion in April/May, something really bad happened to me, I suddenly started getting flashbacks to my youth,
Possible trigger:
After that I chose not to engage in relationships with the opposite sex, I had the odd one night stand, but never nothing serious, I had come to associate sex with violence.

I never got into a serious relationship till I was 33 and we got married when I was 35 and separated about 9 months later, and been separated ever since.

I made the decision to end things, I had my reasons, I hate her family, who have been against me from day 1, they have slandered me time and again, and she just let them and would not let me deal with it, they would use my mental health against me and would also use my substance abuse against me, Its an over the counter medicine addiction, nothing illegal, but they called pretty much everything under the sun and I had to sit there and take it.

Anyway, I still love her, I was told I would come to regret what I did, and I do, I am being forced to eat **** by the spadeful, I want to be with her, but cant be with someone who cant see her own faults.

I think she purposefully tries to wind me up, especially when she told me about her new friend, that she was going out for meals with another guy, if she is trying to bring out my jealous side, it is working.

I have also lost friends because of my relationship with her, someone I thought was one of my best friends stuck the knife in my back and twisted it.

What can I do, I am struggling to let go, we have met up a couple of times since we split, now she has pretty much told me.

I thought a couple of weeks ago, there might be a way back for us, then a video of me downing pints of lager turned up on Social Media and she went mental about it, totally over reacted and spoke out against the company I keep, claiming my friends are not real friends because I dont see them from one month to the next and when my friends leap to my defence, she does not like it.

I had one friend who would constantly tell Me to work things out with her, told me to keep trying, now I believe any chance of Me and my wife reconciling probably died when my friend passed away last weekend.

I don't know what to do, I have a dilemma, try and get her back and risk losing my family and friends, because, make no mistake, I will lose a lot of people if we reconcile, because she does not like my friends.

Love is a funny thing...

Rant over, if you read all this thank you...

Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 17, 2019 at 07:20 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger code.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, Buffy01, Open Eyes, WovenGalaxy
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01

advertisement
WovenGalaxy
Magnate
 
WovenGalaxy's Avatar
WovenGalaxy has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,850
3 yr Member
4,835 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 17, 2019 at 08:24 PM
  #2
Hi iamquaker,

I'm so sorry you have experienced bullying to the extent that you have. I think that bullying can cause ptsd. i also want to acknowledge the sexual abuse you have been through. I'm so sorry and it was not your fault.

It sounds like you are having trouble moving on from your ex (ex wife? Or separated?). It sounds like you may want to work on yourself more first. It also sounds like she is not good for you and there's conflicts between you two. If you do get back together, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

Just a thought, you can love someone and have trouble letting go, and also know they are not right for you anymore. Could that be the case? Whatever you decide, please be kind and gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

Another thought. Sometimes when making a decision about someone I think: " if its meant to be, it will be." I find that it takes the pressure off and I also find it true.

Take good care.
WovenGalaxy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, Buffy01
 
Thanks for this!
bpcyclist, Buffy01
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 17, 2019 at 11:20 PM
  #3
Hi iamquaker, welcome to Psych Central.

A person can experience flashbacks even YEARS after experiencing traumas. I experienced flashbacks from my childhood in my fifties. It frightened me that I could even experience flashbacks going way back like that.

It is very probable you are suffering from ptsd. Are you working with a trauma therapist that specializes in PTSD? A person can want to experience a normal relationship as you describe but struggle with flashbacks, including emotional crippling ones when they try. These triggers are "intrusive", no one chooses to experience them.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, WovenGalaxy
 
Thanks for this!
WovenGalaxy
Crazy Hitch
ɘvlovƎ
 
Crazy Hitch's Avatar
Crazy Hitch When reality sets in
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 18,528 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
12.6k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 18, 2019 at 03:07 AM
  #4
I think you need to work on your relationship with yourself first before you can work on others.
Crazy Hitch is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
WovenGalaxy
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 18, 2019 at 11:19 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamquaker View Post
I split with my wife back in April 2018, at that point it was over, within a couple of weeks we reconciled, and we agreed that I would stay at my parents for a few months while I sorted my mental health problems out, we were originally due to get back together in October last year, but things never worked out that way, I flipped and we decided to leave it another 6 months, I was preparing to go back in May this year and yet again, I suffered a meltdown, and this time, I ended things for good.

On this occasion in April/May, something really bad happened to me, I suddenly started getting flashbacks to my youth,
Possible trigger:
After that I chose not to engage in relationships with the opposite sex, I had the odd one night stand, but never nothing serious, I had come to associate sex with violence.

I never got into a serious relationship till I was 33 and we got married when I was 35 and separated about 9 months later, and been separated ever since.

I made the decision to end things, I had my reasons, I hate her family, who have been against me from day 1, they have slandered me time and again, and she just let them and would not let me deal with it, they would use my mental health against me and would also use my substance abuse against me, Its an over the counter medicine addiction, nothing illegal, but they called pretty much everything under the sun and I had to sit there and take it.

Anyway, I still love her, I was told I would come to regret what I did, and I do, I am being forced to eat **** by the spadeful, I want to be with her, but cant be with someone who cant see her own faults.

I think she purposefully tries to wind me up, especially when she told me about her new friend, that she was going out for meals with another guy, if she is trying to bring out my jealous side, it is working.

I have also lost friends because of my relationship with her, someone I thought was one of my best friends stuck the knife in my back and twisted it.

What can I do, I am struggling to let go, we have met up a couple of times since we split, now she has pretty much told me.

I thought a couple of weeks ago, there might be a way back for us, then a video of me downing pints of lager turned up on Social Media and she went mental about it, totally over reacted and spoke out against the company I keep, claiming my friends are not real friends because I dont see them from one month to the next and when my friends leap to my defence, she does not like it.

I had one friend who would constantly tell Me to work things out with her, told me to keep trying, now I believe any chance of Me and my wife reconciling probably died when my friend passed away last weekend.

I don't know what to do, I have a dilemma, try and get her back and risk losing my family and friends, because, make no mistake, I will lose a lot of people if we reconcile, because she does not like my friends.

Love is a funny thing...

Rant over, if you read all this thank you...
I'm sorry that you had to go through that! Have you could consider talking to a rape counselor and getting some help for the mental abuse? We are here for you!
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
WovenGalaxy
bpcyclist
Legendary
 
bpcyclist's Avatar
bpcyclist has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
40.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 18, 2019 at 01:56 PM
  #6
I am so sorry that you have been through such a difficult series of experiences, iamquaker. Maybe head over to the PTSD board and see if there is anything there you might find helpful or interesting. I know the people there will support you, as will everyone here at PC in my experience.

That said, just want to quickly address the addiction thing. I nearly died from an addiction to an OTC item. The fact that no prescriptions was required is irrelevant. It was and is shockingly dangerous, this drug. When you downplay the significance of your OTC addiction, you are minimizing and that is not a sign of recovery and ownership. Similarly, downing a pint of anything is most definitely not a sign of good recovery. So, you may have some work to do there and that may be part of why your partner was so pissed at you. You might want to look into that. Not judging you. I am certainly in no position to judge anyone with my history. But I do know a fair bit about recovery and you don't sound like a person who is entirely in recovery. Could be wrong, but that is just my observation.

I like the saying above. If it is meant to be, it will be. Work on your own health. Deal with that PTSD. That recovery. You have the rest of a long life ahead of you. Try to see that. And things will slowly get better.

__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
bpcyclist is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,461 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 18, 2019 at 06:32 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
Hi iamquaker,

I'm so sorry you have experienced bullying to the extent that you have. I think that bullying can cause ptsd. i also want to acknowledge the sexual abuse you have been through. I'm so sorry and it was not your fault.

It sounds like you are having trouble moving on from your ex (ex wife? Or separated?). It sounds like you may want to work on yourself more first. It also sounds like she is not good for you and there's conflicts between you two. If you do get back together, I'd suggest marriage counseling.

Just a thought, you can love someone and have trouble letting go, and also know they are not right for you anymore. Could that be the case? Whatever you decide, please be kind and gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

Another thought. Sometimes when making a decision about someone I think: " if its meant to be, it will be." I find that it takes the pressure off and I also find it true.

Take good care.
That is great advice! I wish that I had thought about that myself!
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, mountaingirl1977
 
Thanks for this!
WovenGalaxy
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:20 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.