Dr. Appointment for Baby, I feel alone

Hello,

This is my wife and I's second attempt at getting pregnant. The first was a loss pretty early on, < 10 weeks. It was very hard for my wife, for myself too. Though I didn't feel like I ever got to express how I felt about it fully. I don't know if we ever processed it.

We decided to try again almost right after (few months.) We had an appointment recently and the news wasn't great, but not terrible. The doctor is saying it is 50/50 and that she just doesn't know at this point if it will be viable. It is still early on for us this time as well.

After the news and the appointment my wife just shut down. She went home and spent the day in bed. I tried checking on her through the day with no response. Then when I tried to console her after work she got very defensive. I wasn't sure if I should push through it or just give her space. So I decided to give her the space for the night and went to clean up and take care of stuff around the house.

I woke up this morning feeling angry in general, at the situation, at my wife's reaction. I'm upset with the news mostly but I understand it can take time. I wish that I could talk about it with my wife and partner. I realize I don't fully understand what she's going through as a woman and I have a tendency myself to get defensive, so I'm trying not to overreact. But also I stuff down my emotions so now it's like a catch-22. Our appointment is 2 weeks away, and I'm trying to be encouraging but it just feels like I'm consistently shot down and it is draining me. I feel like I'm being pushed away and have been for a while now. Then I think it's all me and that's how I fool myself. I don't know. Do I just keep giving space? Thank you

~Sigh~
I'm so sorry for your turmoil. In my experience, partners in a situation such as this tend to do a dual "Blame Myself/Blame My Partner" thing and it's not even voluntary. It comes from a deep place of fear and anxiety. The only thing I know that works at all is quite basic; to wit:

My husband and I, in a very similar situation decades ago, had to boil it down to this: "We are a team; we are determined to care for and support each other, and no matter what, that's what we still have, it's who we still are, and it's what we're going to hang onto." It's hard to reassure each other in circumstances like these. It is also, imo, absolutely essential. Feeling loved and supported is the greatest gift we can give each other.

I'm keeping a good thought for you & your wife.

Best,

Chyia

Thanks so much for your perspective. I am trying to hold onto that and to reassure and will stick with that for now. It seems to me that's the best I can do at this point. Try and communicate the best I can without getting upset.

Sending you guys positive vibes and prayers.