need to say this

I know no family is perfect and many are far from it - and I'd normally vent this s**t to my aunt but I can't now that she's gone.

I told my parents in person Friday evening that I'd been in the Emergency Department that afternoon. I'm sitting in the room with my mom and she pretty much shows little to no concern! she tells my dad about it later. and late that night after my 2nd E.D. visit in 12 hours, I emailed my three siblings to let them know about things.

one sibling emailed me back Saturday afternoon. nothing from all the others the entire weekend! (minor exception was my dad texting to see if I could give him a ride, at 11pm Saturday - I was sleeping) I mean, I've learned to not expect much from them, but come on?!?! is something like this not concerning enough to you to warrant one minute of your time for a phone call?!

my second sibling texted me this afternoon at like 4:45pm! wow, 2 1/2 days later. still nothing from my third sibling, and I'd bet money there won't be.

then my mom calls me this evening, like an hour ago. she b**c**s me out for not answering my phone and they haven't talked to me in two days!!! first off, I had NO missed call from her today - and I know cuz I was doing phone calls most of the afternoon. second, f-you! thanks for showing your concern for me and NOT calling for three days.

and lastly, like three weeks ago I 'reserved' my mom as a potential driver for me for an appt I have on thrusday, which is a 3-hour drive there. I was thinking ahead, incase I had a reaction (granted I had NO idea this was gonna happen). at the same time, last week my mom started hounding me cuz my sibling (that third one) was looking for a babysitter the last two days of this week. I flat out told my mom I wouldn't know for sure if I needed her to drive me until afterwards (ie after Friday, meaning early this week - incase I had any delayed reactions [medical stuff]).
tonight I finally tell her it's probably a better thing if she drives me on Thursday. then b**c**s me out about waiting so long cuz my sibling still needs to find a sitter. I give in to all the pressure and at the end tell her to just go there and I'd drive myself! and 10 minutes later, I text my sibling saying if they can't find a sitter, that mom could go there and I'd drive myself!

I am sooooo glad that I am on the bottom of this dam ladder - that everyone else comes first. that for only the third time in two years, I 'reserved' you as a driver and you want to change 'last minute' on me. um, screw everyone else. I'm pretty sure that my health and safety comes before the need of a babysitter for two days!!!!! OR am I wrong??

this s**t is exactly why I don't tell you about my health appts - cuz all you do is b**c* about things. god I miss my aunt..........

and for crying out loud, I am now almost talking myself into rescheduling my Thursday appt, just to end all this s**t. but I don't want to wait another month for this appt.....

Dear jrae, First of all, I'm so very sorry you lost your aunt. I also lost my aunt, & it still hurts a lot. So you have that painful grief you're dealing with on top of everything else. God bless you. You're trying so hard & it seems like others in your family don't understand what you're going through, while you're trying to make your appointment & be safe. I was thinking, there are volunteers who will drive you. Charities & churches use volunteer drivers all the time. Maybe you could ask around or search the web. Anyway, I sure hope it works out for you. Take good care of yourself, the way your aunt would want you to. Lots of hugs!

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, jrae. It's so disappointing. What I finally had to learn--the hard way--is that, just because I am biologically related to them, doesn't mean my family can be counted on to provide any level of support. It was hard to let go, but I feel much better having done so. I haven't spoken to my only brother in seven years. Which is just fine with me. He's an *********. Now, I get my support from the few people who actually care and are there for me and from the awesome people on PC. Wasting time chasing a family that doesn't give a s*** is like wasting time chasing a girl (or boy) who doesn't really want you , but likes toying with you. It's just heartache. Forget that crap and move on. Focus on the people you can count on. They're your real family. I really believe you'll feel a lot better. And I hope you do feel better very soon.

These are people that you can not count on. The key is learning to accept that and not let it control you or feel beholden to do the same for them,

thank you so much! and I am sorry for your loss as well! how are you doing with it?

the thing is my aunt had become like my best friend over the past few years. and sadly, was the only person IRL that I trusted (maybe one exception). and now with so many things piling up on me, without her it's like I'm kinda lost.....

this is one of those 'extremely complicated' cases...... with my severe depression, family/relatives are basically all I have! I have two friends but we don't talk much; and I'm drowning in my stuff, the one is married with two kids and his wife hates me and he doesn't want to hear the not-good stuff, and the other is busy with their life and military reserves stuff. I understand how things are with severe depression/mental illnesses, so when the other doesn't put much into the relationship, I'm inclined not to either and just let them be busy with their stuff.

which puts me in these bad spots with an unsupportive family/relatives. it s**ks, it really does - no way around it.

Dear jrae, Thank you for your kind reply. I just do the best I can. What else can we do? And, oh my goodness, trust! Such a precious thing & so hard to feel with so many people. And therefore, we feel lost. And we feel alone. But we're not really alone. Not here at PC. And I have a good friend. And you have your maybe one "exception". And we have something else, God, Life Force, Universal Intelligence, Internal Spirit, etc. Plus others out there, & our future. I wish so much for you! I hope with all my heart things will start feeling better for you. Lots of hugs, Breaking Dawn

the next day after my initial post, I got this text from my dad saying my mom was going to babysit at my sibling's and he would drive me! I was like w.t.h.

later that Tuesday, I just said the h**l with it and texted my dad that I'd drive myself. with everything that i was going thru, especially the traumatic event from the Friday before, I decided it was better that i don't spend six hours trapped in a four-foot-box with either one of them!!!!

I drove myself to my appt on that Thursday. it was a challenging drive back but I did it.

THEN I get a text like half hour after I was back, from my dad asking if I was back yet. I called to ask if he needed something and to inquire about something, ONLY to have my mom answer the phone - she didn't go cuz my sibling didn't need her!!!!!!! are you sh**ting me?! who can believe that?!?!?!? what a load of blank and all for absolutely nothing, other than a ton of stress and heartache for me...........

My goodness! That's so sad. And heartless, in an oblivious way. But, by golly, you did it without them! How about that! That's actually amazing! So there!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jrae the next day after my initial post, I got this text from my dad saying my mom was going to babysit at my sibling's and he would drive me! I was like w.t.h. later that Tuesday, I just said the h**l with it and texted my dad that I'd drive myself. with everything that i was going thru, especially the traumatic event from the Friday before, I decided it was better that i don't spend six hours trapped in a four-foot-box with either one of them!!!! I drove myself to my appt on that Thursday. it was a challenging drive back but I did it. THEN I get a text like half hour after I was back, from my dad asking if I was back yet. I called to ask if he needed something and to inquire about something, ONLY to have my mom answer the phone - she didn't go cuz my sibling didn't need her!!!!!!! are you sh**ting me?! who can believe that?!?!?!? what a load of blank and all for absolutely nothing, other than a ton of stress and heartache for me...........

I think the only way to come to terms with this is to change your expectations, tell them what your boundaries are and what will happen if they cross them. The other thing is acceptance. It does t mean approval. But their behavior will never change until you change yours.