advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
nikkilondon
Newly Joined
nikkilondon has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: London
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Default Oct 22, 2019 at 02:47 AM
  #1
Hi all!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months now. We are in what I’d call a medium distance relationship (about two hours drive) since we go to different universities.
He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder this year (not long before we met) and is on sertraline though he takes it on and off because he doesn’t like the side effects (I’ve tried to convince him to get it changed but to no use).
The relationship has been amazing so far. He swept me off my feet and always cherished me and loved me.
He came to visit me two weekends ago because he “needed me” and “missed me” even though he was sick. He also gave me a painting he had done of myself and brought me flowers.
On Sunday before he left he switched up completely on me, saying he didn’t love me anymore and that everything was wrong with the relationship. Then he retracted himself saying he loved me and that he was sorry.
The past week week he barely wanted to talk to me, got irritated when I checked up on him and didn’t leave his bed for 4 days. I gave him space and didn’t pry. I would just give him updates of my day which he said he liked.
On Thursday we had a big argument on the phone. He said he didn’t love me anymore and that he wanted out. That the love he had for me was fading. He then retracted himself and said that he didn’t mean it and that he didn’t want to hurt me anymore. He said he was a bad person and that he didn’t deserve me.
He kept saying he didn’t love me anymore until yesterday. I was already suspecting it but he told me he thought he had entered an episode of depression.
I don’t know what to do. He has never had and episode when with me before and we haven’t discussed how to manage it.
I care about him deeply and him saying these things hurt me. I don’t know if he means all of it or if he’s just trying to push me away. What can I do?
nikkilondon is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist, Discombobulated
 
Thanks for this!
Skeezyks

advertisement
Skeezyks
Disreputable Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
17.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Oct 22, 2019 at 02:08 PM
  #2
Hello nikkilondon: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are encountering this difficulty with your boyfriend. You wrote you care deeply about him but the things he has said hurt you & you don't know what to do. It's just my personal opinion. But I doubt there is much of anything you can do. Your bf is, I believe, the only person who can change what he is doing.

You mentioned your bf's only taking his medication sporadically since he dislikes the side effects. But he won't do anything to try to address the situation. So, apparently, he's not in a place where he's willing to do what he needs to do to "get himself straight", so to speak. You can't change that. And until such time as your bf decides he is going to do what is necessary, it may be likely he's going to continue to respond to you in the same ways you have experienced so far.

All of the above being the case, the question then becomes, do you love this man enough to continue to tolerate his current treatment of you on the possibility that he'll take charge of himself at some point in the future & do what he needs to do to heal. Only you know the answer to that question.

Here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of help with putting your situation into perspective & figuring out where to go from here:

You Can Only Change Yourself

How to Let Go When Your Partner Refuses to Change | Happily Imperfect

Learn the Subtle Signs of a Loved One's Verbal Abuse

Bipolar Disorder: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Partner Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder? 10 Truths You Need to Know

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-ways...oved-one-cope/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/helpin...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tip...ipolar-person/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Calypso2632, Iloivar
bpcyclist
Legendary
 
bpcyclist's Avatar
bpcyclist has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Portland
Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
40.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:55 PM
  #3
So sorry you are dealing with this. I have bipolar disorder type 1 and I can tell you, @Skeezyks is spot-on. If your BF is not going to take his meds, see his psychiatrist and/or therapist, and either ask for or be open to help, well, then, there is really nothing you can do. All the love in the world isn't going to stabilize his bipolar disorder. This is a lesson many people with this illness must learn at some point. That's one. Two is, I don't think you should put much stock in what he is telling you about how he feels about you. He is probably having a very difficult time processing information and is likely not thinking clearly--at all. He sounds confused because he is confused. His brain has been hijacked. It's very difficult for him right now.

The good news is there are medications out there that can really help people like your BF. The question to me is whether he is in a place to receive that kind of help. I hope so. Sending you positive vibes and prayers.

__________________
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
bpcyclist is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Calypso2632, Crazy Hitch, Discombobulated, Iloivar
~Christina
Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
 
~Christina's Avatar
~Christina has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
12.7k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 22, 2019 at 11:25 PM
  #4
As someone with Bipolar I agree with the above advice given 100%

It’s just the hard facts about being in a relationship with someone who chooses not to find treatment for a major mental health problem... well it’s going to be a rollercoaster of trouble and heartbreak.

You can’t make him take his meds. You can’t make him change his lifestyle, having Bipolar isnt something that can be fixed or handled by just swallowing psych meds daily. It takes work and a lot of it, sleep hygiene, healthy diet and exercise., seeing a Therapist to learn coping skills , Mindfulness etc etc.

He’s just an unstable guy that doesn’t want to face the reality that he has an illness and needs to educate himself and get help to come to terms with living his life and Bipolar a part of it.

I take good care of myself , I see a Therapist regularly. If I’m starting to wobble I need to sit up pay attention and increase self care. I have a great life, yes Bipolar can pop up and cause me grief but I owe it to myself to be proactive and take care for myself but also my family.

Some people truly need to hit rock bottom before they get the help they need to have a wonderful life.

Take care of yourself

__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
~Christina is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Bill3, bpcyclist
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Bill3, Calypso2632, Discombobulated, Iloivar
sarahsweets
Threadtastic Postaholic
 
sarahsweets's Avatar
sarahsweets has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
192 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Oct 26, 2019 at 12:40 AM
  #5
He has to want to get better.

__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"

President of the no F's given society.
sarahsweets is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Bill3
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:43 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.