Change yourself to have friends

If you're so different that you can't find friends then would you change who you are to have friends?

Nobody is SO different that he/she can't find friends. Many people FEEL weird, defective and alien, but that's not true.
If you change yourself and then you find "friends", you will always live that relation as a domination and will be resentful.So my answer is "no".

If you truly don't have friends ,then your question is moot ,because you don't know if or what your missing ,in which case theres nothing to change to or for ,if you are saying you had friends and lost touch or commonality and want to reconnect and make new ones but dont know how ,is totaly different thing .

Or do you suffer from low self esteem? consider yourself so flawed that you think if you change something about yourself, you will suddenly be the extrovert "life of the party" popular person, a pack of hanger on's(groupie's) that don't actually represent friends . We will call them "transactional" friends.they use you as a stepping stone until you are of no use and then there onto there next thing .

Can you give a better explanation of where you are coming from ? Personal change to attract potential friends is a recipe for disappointment , the old saying " a leopard can't change there spots" comes to mind ,so attempting to change something about yourself to attract potential friends ,in most cases is temporary short lived interactions . We are composites personality wise of our life experiences , our teachers ,and the community we are raised in .

Has someone told you "I would like you better if you didn't ______ or weren't _______ " thats a person trying to get you to conform to there ideas , and therefore not allowing you to be you, that's a sick situation and reflects badly on that individuals character and ability to maintain a healthy relationship and maintain boundrys in a positive way .

That's off the top of my head ,if you can give a better idea of what you meant , we maybe able to give you better information .

I'm so unbelievably frustrated because I can't seem to fit in this world, anywhere. It's just so strange, as if I'm on the Truman Show-- if you've seen the movie. I feel like life is one big joke on me.

I think completely different than most people. My entire life going back to early childhood it used to drive me crazy how kids would say things that to me seemed so wrong. It drove me crazy why they couldn't see the obvious.

I love spirituality but I now have my own beliefs / theories / ideas that's almost unheard of. I also love art & emotions, but people often see me as a bit too much, perhaps emo. I love science but nothing like a mainstream scientist. Perhaps more like a mixture of Tesla & Einstein. I use science & math on a personal level at home to find truth or for whatever personal project I'm working on.

If I had to describe myself, how I see myself, maybe it would be like Spock (Star Trek) morphed with Halsey (singer / artist) morphed with the Dalai Lama morphed with the most emotional romantic French person morphed with an emo teen.

You might say, "You could have different types of friends." Spiritual friends. Science friends. Music & dance friends. Emo friends. The problem is that I'm waaaaaaaayyyyy too different. The music, dance, & emo people would quickly learn about my other interests and see me as just way too weird. Same goes for the science & spiritual people.

I feel so lost and out of place on Earth! Like a completely different species. I live here as caretakers for my 90 & 91 year old parents all day. I have no life. I can't even find one online friend, someone I resonate with.

do you personally want to look for friends, despite some differences? i think everyone has something in common, no matter how little it is. and vice versa.
and i think there's nothing wrong with being 'different', it's just how we project it to others.

do we want to share how we view things, as well as listen to how others think of certain things? or do we just want to focus on how we feel/think?

i get how you feel, to a certain extent i guess. i know i have a different taste of music, art, tv shows/movies, etc, than my friends. and i also have things i share in common with them. but most of them are open to talk about both, as i also listen to what they're interested in, even if i dont feel the same way. i think it's just interesting to hear what people think but it goes back to how the other person is

maybe you haven't find the right person to talk to, or maybe you're unconsciously aren't really open to hear what people say. and i know it can be bothersome to listen to things that you're not interested in, that's why it really depends to who we talk to. i believe we can try to get along with most people, but we cant befriend every single one of them. we just have to find who we're compatible with i guess.

and to answer your question, i would change myself, to a certain extent. i have changed myself, but for the better. not necessarily becoming a whole new person though of course. i was quite a temperamental person, i say what i want to say and not really considering about what others might feel. im sure i hurt a lot of people from the way i acted and talked. but as i grow i realize it is unfair to the people around me, so i try to be more considerate. i try to act the way i want people to treat me.

i hope i make myself clear, sorry if this isn't the answer you're looking for

I know a way for you too find a group of people as diverse and intresting as you sound , playing to your strong side interests in math and science and creativity ,you obviously can use a computer ,and if your doing caregiving for your elderly parents , you can do this at home , Amateur radio "ham" radio , yes it still exists and no it doesn't take a housefull of equipment( you can study at home,it takes maybe 45 minutes to go take the test ,and once you have your license get on the air using your computer, tablet, or phone ) I may sound old but there is an explosive vast array of various level "Nerds" , there are currently about 4 million people around the world licensed , using the power of the internet you can talk to people local or halfway around the globe. We all talk on various levels science ,technology,theology ,culture based on what we are into , there is millions of rabbit holes you can go down in special interests, we all will greet and chat when we come across another ham,on the air or in person ,if you find somebody who doesn't intrest you , you "spin the dial" and find somebody who does , most areas have local clubs ,and members happily take new hams under there wing , we call the old dudes Elmers ( like the glue ) I am an Elmer now, having gotten my license 30+ years ago and helped a couple of hundred people join the hobby ,get there feet wet and explore the hobby . Radio operators are a captive audience they want to talk ,they want to meet new people, they enjoy finding common ground interests and building friendships . How about that ? Thinking differently is sometimes a curse,until you find an outlet , and trust me you will find some wonderfully deep unusual thinkers in this hobby , the fact you mentioned Tesla & Einstein makes me think the basic license will be a cake walk ,it's alot of memorizing rules and regulations and some basic radio theory , the test is 100 multiple choice questions ,all of the questions and answers are published ,with a mind for numbers you can honestly memorize and pass the test,it's certainly not meant to keep people out . Well I could prattle on about all the people I have made friends with over the years, everybody from kings of countries to Senators to famous musicians /actors ,if any of this sounds vaguely intresting PM me .I can answer questions and give you more info without putting you or the group to sleep.

I wouldn't change who I am. I would reflect though, and see if I'm doing something that's pushing ppl away. A therapist can help. And then change my behavior. Especially if its hurting others.

Edit: I just read your response post. I did not mean to imply you are hurting others. You sound benign and gentle. Do you have trouble relating to others? Is it hard to trust that other ppl are good and will accept you as is? Do you accept yourself? Are you in therapy?

My friendships aren't really about shared interests. My friendships are about shared personalities that just mesh. My friendships are about people who, whether we think alike or not, whether we agree on things or not, we just like each others' personalities and have an ease at just shooting the breeze that really doesn't take much effort.

Is it possible you are defining friendship as shared thoughts and interests and missing the whole compatibility piece that is probably much more important in a friendship?

This other part of friendship is the ability to be quiet and just listen. Sometimes if a person is too dominate in pushing their ideas or they dominate conversation, that stifles communication and turns people off. That ability to just listen and be there with a person is often what strengthens a relationship.

I can see that you are different as a person, but how did you come to believe that you can’t find friends?

Thanks for the help!!

Misterpain, my dad used to be a ham radio guy my entire childhood. He had lots of ham friends. It brings back bad memories but I'll def think about it.

I had a friend awhile ago but we met when I was only spiritual. Nowadays we're opposite in nearly every way. She works for big oil, hates Obama, loves trump, & kinda pushes christianity on me.

I've seen a few somewhat similar people online but they've never replied to my messages.

Bill3, I've created communities on reddit, blogged on wordpress. Friendship sites like worldfriends, makefriendsonline, not4dating, meetme, skout. They're inactive or flooded with sex seekers, too many vulgar posts. There're a few interesting people on twitter but they're popular & don't reply. Meetup seems good but I haven't found a group that seems right for me. There're some local aspie meetups. It doesn't feel right. There're countless local meetups around here but I feel very uncomfortable around "normal" people. There're some UFO meetups but they're very far away. I'm not a big UFO fan. There're various science type meetups nearby but nothing that's caught my interest. Basically I feel very uncomfortable around normal people because I'm afraid to death they'll judge me, think badly of me, not accept me. I can't get over that now. The more abnormal a person is the more comfortable I feel around them.

Am I too picky? Like ArtleyWilkins said, it's a compatibility thing. Feeling so different makes me feel incompatible.

ughgres, ultimately I'd like to find friends where we text with each other, anywhere from 1 to maybe dozens of texts per day sharing what we're doing, working on or whatever. That would be perfect. Or even an email per day. But texting with people who are so different doesn't feel right.

WovenGalaxy, I'd love to know if I relate to others. I'd love more than anything to know how most people think and how they experience consciousness! I get this sense that most people think with emotions? Maybe that's wrong. I can't relate. Can a therapist find out for me?

I see you have tried a lot of ways to meet people. I praise your for this and I think you just need to keep trying and wait for a bit of luck to meet the right persons.

Seeing a therapist may be a god idea, anyway, maybe to find out why you are so "afraid to death" of being judged by others.

Thanks, Stefano! Seeing a therapist is something I've spent lot of time researching, too much, but for some reason your post gave me a lot of motivation to just do it. At least try a therapist once to see.

I would never change myself just to find friends. If people want to be my friend they need to accept me for who I am. I refuse to change!

I rather live my entire life living alone with my animals then to be with people who can't accept me for who I am. At least my cats and dogs love me for who I am