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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 08:44 AM
  #1
I've always thought if someone says stuff about someone or a few people that they would never say to most other people, it indicates that there is a strong dislike towards someone. Recently I heard my friend's mother saying stuff about someone with severe Tourettes that was very rude and would never say to most other people. Basically she was acting rude and out of character. Saying the guy with Tourettes is doing it for attention and when at one point he left a social gathering, her son and a couple friends went out looking for him. They drove around to look for him and found him walking on a major interstate at 11:00 at night trying to get home since he didn't want to bother anyone for a ride. When my friend's mother found out, she got very mad at her son and told him to never do that again.

If he wants to do something like that, then he can. The thing is, she is not like that towards anyone else. Even towards me. In the past she has found out that I have walked quite a distance to get someone, although not on a major interstate, and even waited long hours for a friend to get off work and pick me up. She would be in total disbelief and even ask why I didn't ask her for a ride or anything. Same thing for others, she is very accommodating to others, but with the guy with Tourettes, she doesn't care and even said she would like it if he never came back to her house. I was told by my friend at one point when it was just me and her that she was confused and angered by her mom's actions. I told her she probably just doesn't like him.

Doesn't mean she should be rude and insensitive but still, it could indicate a serious disliking towards him. Unfortunately, the guy with Tourettes has the worst form of it. It is the kind where it is non-stop vulgar insults and swearing and he can't help it. It gives him anxiety and is constantly apologizing for it. I can see how this can be uncomfortable and disruptive but I think the mother may be going too far. But if she doesn't like him, then oh well. Basically when someone mentions him to my friend's mother, she basically turns into someone I don't know. Almost like a completely different person. Then once it's dropped, she is her own self again.

I've always wondered when people act this way, like they almost become someone they're not when talking about someone in particular or even a few people, could it indicate that there is a serious disliking going on? The reason I wonder is because I've been told that it doesn't mean someone dislikes someone else. I'm not sure because if someone likes someone else, then they won't say stuff like that about them even if they are frustrated. I always thought if someone is mentioning someone else they dislike, and they act out of character and even rude, then it indicates a disliking towards the person they're talking about. I've seen it happen with other people too, where someone is fine until a specific person or group of people are brought up, then they basically turn into someone different, they get very nasty. Then as soon as it's dropped, they are back to their regular selves. Do you think it is usually due to a disliking or could is also just be them handling it wrong? Just wondered what you guys thought.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 09:49 AM
  #2
Your friend's mom may not be aware of this guy's medical condition.She must be focussing on his behaviour.Vulgarity and insults are inappropriate with in healthy conversations.And the person with Tourette s needs help too.People who are unaware of the medical condition will dislike him based on his behaviour. I know a person with this problem and a lot of people do not want to socialize with him.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul View Post
Your friend's mom may not be aware of this guy's medical condition.She must be focussing on his behaviour.Vulgarity and insults are inappropriate with in healthy conversations.And the person with Tourette s needs help too.People who are unaware of the medical condition will dislike him based on his behaviour. I know a person with this problem and a lot of people do not want to socialize with him.
Yeah I agree. It can be hard for them.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 07:03 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 View Post
I've always thought if someone says stuff about someone or a few people that they would never say to most other people, it indicates that there is a strong dislike towards someone. Recently I heard my friend's mother saying stuff about someone with severe Tourettes that was very rude and would never say to most other people. Basically she was acting rude and out of character. Saying the guy with Tourettes is doing it for attention and when at one point he left a social gathering, her son and a couple friends went out looking for him. They drove around to look for him and found him walking on a major interstate at 11:00 at night trying to get home since he didn't want to bother anyone for a ride. When my friend's mother found out, she got very mad at her son and told him to never do that again.

If he wants to do something like that, then he can. The thing is, she is not like that towards anyone else. Even towards me. In the past she has found out that I have walked quite a distance to get someone, although not on a major interstate, and even waited long hours for a friend to get off work and pick me up. She would be in total disbelief and even ask why I didn't ask her for a ride or anything. Same thing for others, she is very accommodating to others, but with the guy with Tourettes, she doesn't care and even said she would like it if he never came back to her house. I was told by my friend at one point when it was just me and her that she was confused and angered by her mom's actions. I told her she probably just doesn't like him.

Doesn't mean she should be rude and insensitive but still, it could indicate a serious disliking towards him. Unfortunately, the guy with Tourettes has the worst form of it. It is the kind where it is non-stop vulgar insults and swearing and he can't help it. It gives him anxiety and is constantly apologizing for it. I can see how this can be uncomfortable and disruptive but I think the mother may be going too far. But if she doesn't like him, then oh well. Basically when someone mentions him to my friend's mother, she basically turns into someone I don't know. Almost like a completely different person. Then once it's dropped, she is her own self again.

I've always wondered when people act this way, like they almost become someone they're not when talking about someone in particular or even a few people, could it indicate that there is a serious disliking going on? The reason I wonder is because I've been told that it doesn't mean someone dislikes someone else. I'm not sure because if someone likes someone else, then they won't say stuff like that about them even if they are frustrated. I always thought if someone is mentioning someone else they dislike, and they act out of character and even rude, then it indicates a disliking towards the person they're talking about. I've seen it happen with other people too, where someone is fine until a specific person or group of people are brought up, then they basically turn into someone different, they get very nasty. Then as soon as it's dropped, they are back to their regular selves. Do you think it is usually due to a disliking or could is also just be them handling it wrong? Just wondered what you guys thought.
I completely agree with everything that you said about how someone can speak badly about someone they don't like. Have you thought about putting up boundaries with her or explain to your friend that you don't want to lose their friends but they really need to explain the situation about this condition to their mother of they want to continue their friendship with you? She may not realize how this is effecting others around her. It was really none of her business if her son especially if he and adult and his friends give him a ride.

Last edited by Buffy01; Nov 15, 2019 at 07:06 PM.. Reason: Misspell a word
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 07:07 PM
  #5
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Your friend's mom may not be aware of this guy's medical condition.She must be focussing on his behaviour.Vulgarity and insults are inappropriate with in healthy conversations.And the person with Tourette s needs help too.People who are unaware of the medical condition will dislike him based on his behaviour. I know a person with this problem and a lot of people do not want to socialize with him.
That is so true.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 08:17 PM
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I completely agree with everything that you said about how someone can speak badly about someone they don't like. Have you thought about putting up boundaries with her or explain to your friend that you don't want to lose their friends but they really need to explain the situation about this condition to their mother of they want to continue their friendship with you? She may not realize how this is effecting others around her. It was really none of her business if her son especially if he and adult and his friends give him a ride.
I agree. Yeah everyone is an adult so yeah if her son wants to help him out then he should be able to.
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Default Nov 15, 2019 at 08:18 PM
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That is so true.
Yep exactly.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 05:13 AM
  #8
In my experience she is unlikely to change. It sounds like she finds his behaviour possibly triggering to herself. You could try talking it over when she is in a better mood but I'd be prepared for her to react negatively.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 07:09 AM
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In my experience she is unlikely to change. It sounds like she finds his behaviour possibly triggering to herself. You could try talking it over when she is in a better mood but I'd be prepared for her to react negatively.
Yeah I agree. There's probably something triggering about it. Probably just simply having someone insult and curse you out of control probably brings on a form of rage that others have to suppress since the person with Tourettes really doesn't mean it. In most cases if someone is bombarded with insults or cursing, they will respond with just as much anger, if not more. But with someone with that form of Tourettes, others have to remember that the person with the disorder doesn't mean it so they have to hold the urge to verbally retaliate back. So I can see how it may be triggering for the mother. I can see my parents having the same issue. I wouldn't bring it up to her. Other family members have and she's pretty stuck in her ways. Oh well. It is what it is.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 07:28 AM
  #10
Yes acceptance (while not condoning) of her not changing is probably your only option. You can of course continue to support your friend as he copes with a condition which can be quite isolating.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 07:41 AM
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Yes acceptance (while not condoning) of her not changing is probably your only option. You can of course continue to support your friend as he copes with a condition which can be quite isolating.
Yeah I agree.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 08:21 AM
  #12
It’s very sad. I feel bad for this guy. He must feel so terribly alone and isolated. I can see how anyone would feel rattled and unnerved by his behavior. I would feel that way too but the fact that he can’t help it and that he constantly apologizes would go a long way with me. I am not sure why this mother treats him with such disdain. A social worker I used to work with once told me that we all have our biases. She said all of us do and if we don’t face that then we are lying to ourselves. So maybe this is the mother’s bias I guess.
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Default Nov 16, 2019 at 10:27 AM
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It’s very sad. I feel bad for this guy. He must feel so terribly alone and isolated. I can see how anyone would feel rattled and unnerved by his behavior. I would feel that way too but the fact that he can’t help it and that he constantly apologizes would go a long way with me. I am not sure why this mother treats him with such disdain. A social worker I used to work with once told me that we all have our biases. She said all of us do and if we don’t face that then we are lying to ourselves. So maybe this is the mother’s bias I guess.
Yeah I totally agree with everything you said. Yeah some people will judge harshly no matter what.
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:20 AM
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Are all these people minors? I have hard time comprehending how is this mother so involved in lives not only her own kid but also his friends? I have a very difficult father but he can’t possibly be that knowledgeable who I drive and who I gave a ride to. I don’t know everything my adult daughter does and we are very close, and I can’t imagine my daughters friends even knowing who I like or dislike. That’s why I wonder if these are all kids?
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:48 AM
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Are all these people minors? I have hard time comprehending how is this mother so involved in lives not only her own kid but also his friends? I have a very difficult father but he can’t possibly be that knowledgeable who I drive and who I gave a ride to. I don’t know everything my adult daughter does and we are very close, and I can’t imagine my daughters friends even knowing who I like or dislike. That’s why I wonder if these are all kids?
No these are not kids. All of her kids are fully grown adults in their 20’s. A couple of them, my friend being one of them, still live in their parents house. The mother is very controlling, almost like helicopter parenting. She still has curfews for them. And everyone else thar attends these events are adults too. All out of high school. I know, it sounds like these are minors I’m talking about but it’s not. Everyone is an adult, it’s just that the mother has some kind of control problem it seems.
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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 04:32 PM
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I used to judge a person by his or her behaviour when I didn't know they have a condition that makes them behave in certain way.The person with Tourette I previously mentioned I disliked him so much.I have seen many times that he all of a sudden says something odd to the face of other person which is out of the line or irrelevant to the present conversation in a group setting.Everybody thought he was crazy.He has less friends. People avoid him.Once I saw him randomly go to a total stranger and utter the same word to her.She( the stranger) was startled. Then I realized he can't help it.I read all about Tourette and it can bring so many challenges in a social situation.It is nice of you to try to understand about your friend.
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Default Nov 18, 2019 at 06:45 PM
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I used to judge a person by his or her behaviour when I didn't know they have a condition that makes them behave in certain way.The person with Tourette I previously mentioned I disliked him so much.I have seen many times that he all of a sudden says something odd to the face of other person which is out of the line or irrelevant to the present conversation in a group setting.Everybody thought he was crazy.He has less friends. People avoid him.Once I saw him randomly go to a total stranger and utter the same word to her.She( the stranger) was startled. Then I realized he can't help it.I read all about Tourette and it can bring so many challenges in a social situation.It is nice of you to try to understand about your friend.
Yeah it can be unnerving at first. I will admit when I see the guy with Tourettes, I’m ready for whatever insults or curse words he may throw at me but yeah I know he can’t help it. Yeah people are quick to judge, that’s good that you understand better.
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