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rdgrad15
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 09:22 AM
  #1
Not too long ago, an alcoholic acquaintance passed away. I was not friends with her, wasn't actually close to her so it didn't affect me that much in terms of grief and didn't become depressed or anything. She was just around me a lot during my five years at college so we still associated a lot. I mentioned her before where she abused alcohol and tried to get me to drink too a lot and became very arrogant. Somehow she believed that it was healthy to drink and smoke. I stopped associating with her over a year prior to her passing.

One thing I wondered was, is it normal to feel bad that it happened even though I wasn't close to her and even had a bad feeling it would happen? Also, several other people who knew her claim to not feel bad but I still do secretly feel bad. In the rare chances she is brought up, other people will say they don't care or they don't feel bad since they weren't friends with her and didn't really like her. I totally understand not being friends with her and not liking her but I would imagine it's still possible to feel bad about it.

I wasn't friends with her either and really didn't like being around her a whole lot due to how arrogant she was and thought she was always right. Also didn't like how she constantly bragged about how much she drank. That's why I stayed away, although at one point did mention that she should see someone but she didn't agree. Even when someone else claims to not feel bad, I will admit, I still do even though I wasn't close to her. Basically even though I wasn't close to her, I still wish it didn't end that way since I know it didn't have to be that way. Is that normal to feel bad that someone you weren't close to, but still associated with a lot, has passed away? Basically, even though I wasn't close to her and had a feeling she would ruin her life, I still feel bad that it ended the way it did and wish she had stopped drinking.

It especially became apparent that she went too far when she mentioned to others that her organs, especially kidneys and liver were failing. The fact that she had Spina Bifida probably didn't help. She went in for a surgery to have a port-a-cath inserted due to the kidneys not working properly and that was the end. Have you even known someone you didn't feel close to but still associated with a lot that had passed away and felt bad about it even if others did not? Just wondered what you guys thought. Even though there may be some other people who claim that they don't feel bad or don't care, I do wish that the outcome had been better since no one deserves to go like that. It's a shame that had to happen.
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 09:28 AM
  #2
I believe you can feel badly about a person's death even if you didn't know them all that well or like them very much. To me it's showing empathy.
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 09:38 AM
  #3
It is not only normal, it is healthier than not feeling for this person who clearly struggled internally even as she likely pushed others away. Don't keep it a secret. And do not feel uncomfortable with your feelings around others----sometimes people find it easier to dismiss uncomfortable subjects. It's OK to say "I feel badly for her even though I wasn't close to her and had problems with her behavior." I doubt this is the life and death she wished for.

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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:14 AM
  #4
It’s normal to feel bad hearing about people dying even if you weren’t close friends
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:43 AM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady View Post
I believe you can feel badly about a person's death even if you didn't know them all that well or like them very much. To me it's showing empathy.
I totally agree.
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by winter4me View Post
It is not only normal, it is healthier than not feeling for this person who clearly struggled internally even as she likely pushed others away. Don't keep it a secret. And do not feel uncomfortable with your feelings around others----sometimes people find it easier to dismiss uncomfortable subjects. It's OK to say "I feel badly for her even though I wasn't close to her and had problems with her behavior." I doubt this is the life and death she wished for.
I totally agree with you.
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Default Nov 17, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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It’s normal to feel bad hearing about people dying even if you weren’t close friends
Yep I agree.
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 11:17 PM
  #8
I will be very candid ,if you weren't effected by a death of another person ,I would seriously worry about you ?

It's like the party line Mantra of Physicians "every preventable death is a tragedy" try asking one of today's cowardly Physicians about that as in "does that include the ones you caused,neglected or provoked".
They have no answer ,period !

I can tell you as human beings ,empathy and sympathy run through us ,if you can "admit" that ,and be honest with yourself and others ,you are far ahead of the mopes who claim no feelings ,towards a death .
As a 1st responder ,I dealt with alot of death ,and I am an emotional person ,many times after a bad call ,we would go into an alley and just cry ,if for no other reason than respect for the passing of a life .yes It wasn't till the end of my career that CIS teams were being setup, and after many many responders having answered there last alarm by suicide ,there is today an increasing awareness about our overall mental health from Probies to retired and beyond ,many of us "old guys" have ghosts , dealing with them ,keeps you alive no matter how long ago they became our burdens .

"Your never truly dead ,until the living stop saying your name", I can't remember who gets that quote attribution , so being able to reckognize and admit that the death of someone ,bothers you in some way ,is healthy .

None of us want to contemplate a world that doesn't notice our slipping away ,be it suddenly or be it a slow quiet inevitable spiral of a soul that lost its way in a bottle of something along the way .

We only celebrate the souls we know coming into the world ,but as citizens of the planet ,it's healthy to notice and say a little prayer (whatever, whoever you call your god).

All of us ,somewhere everyone has somebody that loved us as family ,if we are lucky a few of them will give us a send off ,when our time comes .
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Default Nov 20, 2019 at 11:50 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misterpain View Post
I will be very candid ,if you weren't effected by a death of another person ,I would seriously worry about you ?

It's like the party line Mantra of Physicians "every preventable death is a tragedy" try asking one of today's cowardly Physicians about that as in "does that include the ones you caused,neglected or provoked".
They have no answer ,period !

I can tell you as human beings ,empathy and sympathy run through us ,if you can "admit" that ,and be honest with yourself and others ,you are far ahead of the mopes who claim no feelings ,towards a death .
As a 1st responder ,I dealt with alot of death ,and I am an emotional person ,many times after a bad call ,we would go into an alley and just cry ,if for no other reason than respect for the passing of a life .yes It wasn't till the end of my career that CIS teams were being setup, and after many many responders having answered there last alarm by suicide ,there is today an increasing awareness about our overall mental health from Probies to retired and beyond ,many of us "old guys" have ghosts , dealing with them ,keeps you alive no matter how long ago they became our burdens .

"Your never truly dead ,until the living stop saying your name", I can't remember who gets that quote attribution , so being able to reckognize and admit that the death of someone ,bothers you in some way ,is healthy .

None of us want to contemplate a world that doesn't notice our slipping away ,be it suddenly or be it a slow quiet inevitable spiral of a soul that lost its way in a bottle of something along the way .

We only celebrate the souls we know coming into the world ,but as citizens of the planet ,it's healthy to notice and say a little prayer (whatever, whoever you call your god).

All of us ,somewhere everyone has somebody that loved us as family ,if we are lucky a few of them will give us a send off ,when our time comes .
Yes! Totally agree with everything you said and glad you shared your experience. That’s good that you allow yourself to let out your emotions. Yes I would worry too if someone was not affected by a death. In fact, for this acquaintance that passed away, I actually wonder if some of the people that said were not affected actually secretly are but for some reason they don’t want to admit it.

Unless there is psychopathy involved, a person’s death will affect anyone that knew that person, even those who may not have liked them that much. Especially if it was a life taken too soon like it was for this acquaintance. Yes I will admit I didn’t like being around her much either, only in small doses, but at the same time, it still does affect me and I do wish that it didn’t end that way.
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