Being friends with two people that dislike each other due to similar personalities

Has anyone had the awkward experience of being friends with two people that disliked each other? I know there has been plenty of cases where there was a good reason for it, usually because one of the two friends really wasn't very nice or a toxic friend. But there has been a couple cases where I honestly believe they are both good friends, they just dislike each other due to very similar personalities, both positive and negative. Although most cases involved them both hating each other's negative traits since they were identical. And in some cases, even hated the positives in the other, stating it was a forced act.

In some cases this can create a wonderful long lasting friendship, other times it can create disdain towards one another. When it's two of them having a disliking towards one another, I believe it's because they have a lot of negative traits that are practically the same between the two and they hate seeing their own negative traits in the other person. Like I knew two friends that disliked each other because they hated being wrong and didn't like taking responsibility for their own actions. I know one friend that still talks about the other person they used to be friends with and vise versa.

They both liked being in the center of attention to an extent and hated each other for it. Also I've seen it where both friends may have been a bit flaky so they would complain about each other's flakiness. Both of them were right about each other. If you encountered this scenario, did you put distance between yourselves and quietly pick sides or stay neutral? Did you ever try saying anything to both of them, trying to say that the things they are complaining about are the exact same things they do themselves?

Another thing I've seen is two people stating that they are clingy. And the truth was, they were both clingy, had boundary issues. So technically, they were right about each other and this caused friction between them. If it is due to them being arrogant and not wanting to be wrong or persistently flaky, I usually distance myself from both of them. But if it is something that is minor and they are just hating each other for it, I will secretly stay neutral since they are both right about each other. In any cases like this, has one or both of them secretly try to get you to stop hanging out with the other? For me, I don't pick sides unless there's a very good reason to do so. Just wondered what you guys thought.

Interesting topic.I would like to share an incident. Recently I had a chance to attend a get together one of my best friend hosted.Even if I am an introvert,such an instance gives me an opportunity to meet people like me.The host introduced me to a person,and was explaining how we are similar in our positive qualitied.l never met this person before ,but she was also a close friend of the host just like me and the host previously had mentioned me to her in their conversations.During that first time face to face introduction,I smiled ,shook her hands and was curious to know more.But the other persons body language and expressions told me she disliked me.Unknown to this the host continued to explain how we two were similar with much enthusiasm. I can see the other person was very uncomfortable and wanted to getaway from the conversation.I was happy to meet a person like me.But I don't think we'll ever meet a second time.Until I read your post I was thinking about this strange interaction and how negative her facial expressions were towards me,instead of my pleasantness.

Oh wow, I’m glad you shared. I’m glad you made an attempt to meet someone and I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Yeah for some reasons people with similar personalities may not click. Sometimes I wonder, especially cases in that scenario, someone may also feel threatened. Who knows. It’s heartbreaking when your excitement for meeting someone with similar traits is not reciprocated. It happens unfortunately. Keep trying though!

I think you are right.That person thought ( May be) those positive traits are unique to her.So an instant dislike developed.I truly appreciate a personality similar to me.But others may take it as a competition and like you said ,so threatened by the same qualities in others,because their uniqueness is gone.Strange but true.

Exactly. Yeah people are like that unfortunately. I like meeting people with similar personality traits too but yeah not everyone will see it that way.

Similar personalities are dissimilar in certain ways.

Yes I have seen this a few times, in my experience it tends to be most pronounced in 'dominant' personalities. They can really clash.

It can be difficult if it's two people you really like/care about. I think most of us just want harmony and accord between our friends.

Yeah that’s true.

Yeah in a lot of cases it happens in dominant personalities. Although I’ve seen it in introverts too. Yeah it can be tough when you care about both of them but they both dislike and backstab each other. And in cases like this in my experience, they are actually both right about each other yet they fail to admit they are the same way themselves. Or one person will admit to being a certain way but say the other person is way worse and vise versa. Sometimes that is the case, but other times they are equal.

Thank you.

I am very confused. What does it mean “they are both good friends, they just dislike each other”.

How and why people are friends if they dislike each other? I sure am never friends with people I dislike. You even said “hate each other”.

How does it even work? Are you referring to simply acquittances?

Sorry, you may have misread what I wrote. I mean two people that I am friends with that dislike each other. And in one case not long ago, it was two people that had been friends together at first but then started to dislike each other. But other times it was between two acquaintances that just simply never liked each other. But yeah, I wasn't referring to two people who hate each other and are friends at the same time. That is not possible unless one of them is faking the friendship with the other. What I mean is two people who I am friends with but those two people dislike each other. So basically, I wouldn't hang out with them at the same time. It would be separate. Sorry if my original post was confusing.

Yep,it is a good idea not to interact with both of them at the same time.You do not want to get caught up in crossfire.

Exactly. It never ends well.

Sometimes it can be unavoidable being around them both at the same time though. This can happen with families and workplaces.

I have this issue where I volunteer. I am frequently caught in the crossfire. It's deeply uncomfortable, I cope with it by not taking sides and not engaging in discussions with one about the other.

Yeah it is definitely unavoidable. It can even be hard if you attend a small school where you see them a lot. Yeah I am the same way, I stay neutral unless one of them gives me a very good reason to pick sides, usually it is because it turned out one of them wasn’t a good friend to begin with. But other than that, if they are both good friends to me but they dislike each other, then I just stay out of it and don’t pick sides.