Expectations

TishaBuv · Nov 23, 2019 at 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mendingmysoul

I understand.Usually in relationships I am the one who gets manipulated. I give too much but think that someday they will return the favour back,if I need it.There is a cousin who said he would die for me if he had to.He adored me that much and among the extended family of dozens of cousins he swore I was his favourite. I believed him and gave ,gave and gave.I asked recently for a small favour for the first time and guess what?????He literally stopped talking to me.LOL.

I’m sorry this happened to you, too! Are you taking it well? I admire that you can “lol”.

For me this is a theme because I have always been emotionally neglected and invalidated in my family. It’s this issue that caused the rift and why we imploded. I was finally out to get some validation, but instead got told to my face I literally mean nothing.

I’m trying to move forward and be happy in new ways... forget the idea of the family idealization.

TishaBuv · Nov 23, 2019 at 08:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

This has been a thread that hits home for me. I've WASTED many years of my life waiting for certain people to meet, what I considered very minimal expectations. I've been nothing but dissapointed. You can't even have a civil conversation anymore. Most people seem to just think with the emotional side of their brains. People do not want to hear the truth or fact's of the matter anymore. I'm so sick of the one sidedness of opinion. It's an US against THEM
mentality in today's society. Everything in this universe has both a positive and negative composition. There is nothing we can all agree on. Everything can be debated. It's all about PERCEPTION. Sorry if I possibly may have degressed.
Bottom line for me now is that if I have NO expectations, I will never be dissapointed.
Thank you all for being here.

I think you’ve been with people who aren’t going to meet your truly minimal expectations. They are the wrong people. There ARE better people out there who will meet your needs. They just may not be your family.

I’m doing very well with close friends who are nice people. I’ve had close friends who turned out to be very toxic people, and I’ve gotten them out of my life. Maybe the dynamic of that they are friends and not the most intimate level of close is working for me because they are meeting my expectations as far as friends go. But the most intimate behavior you’d expect from family has been my issue.

I agree, times are quite uncivil. Facts can be twisted and debated in every direction, distorted to be used for whichever side. Speech is powerful and injustice is upsetting!

Having NO expectations isn’t the best thing for anyone either, IMHO. Don’t give up. Find a balance, find better friends. Stay out of political conversations, lol.

Mendingmysoul · Nov 23, 2019 at 01:05 PM

Tisha,even if I lolled it really hurts.I do not like to reach out for help.I would rather cry in my dark room when feeling helpless.The sarcasm of my cousin for the little favour I asked for was too much.But it gave me a good glimpse of the selfishness of the so called family.I innocently thought they could give a little because they took much more from me.Hmmm well.Guess not.But in the end I learned a valuable lesson.

Buffy01 · Nov 26, 2019 at 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It feels like the few relationships I’ve had struggle with went awry because I had expectations that went unmet.

In these cases, IMHO, they were the most minimal of expectations that one would think a caring, kind human being would do. These people supposedly loved me. I strongly feel I was not out of line to have these minimal expectations. But, the fact that I had any was my downfall and they disappointed. I fully believe it is their shortcoming, they lack basic decency and empathy, and not my unrealistic expectations.

But, there’s a line to cross. What are reasonable and unreasonable expectations? Are ANY expectations at all wrong to have?

It feels like this is a world that has boundaries to say ‘don’t you dare place any expectations at all on me!’

Does anyone else have thoughts on this? Have you found you haven’t even gotten basic respect from close relationships? Do you feel people have been strange in this area?

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. I am the same way.

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