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Shakeitforme
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Default Nov 19, 2019 at 11:11 PM
  #1
I have a daughter that just turned 18. A few weeks before she turned 18 she started dating a guy who is almost 23. He lives with his parents and went to community colleges but has no degree.
Lets just say I am not happy about this. Would you be? She now does not want to go to college and says things like she wants to be a housewive. Then tells me they are getting married in two years.
He seems nice but the problem I have with this is she thinks that now that she is 18 she can do WHATEVER she wants to! She is also still in high school! If I tell her to come home at 8 on a school night she will say her curfew is at 10. I never told her what her curfew was. She told me! Last night she came home after midnight!!! She also won't answer my texts for 3 hours, then will block me! I have repeatedly turned her phone off, yelled, made threats,etc. Last night I even got online and found the guys parents phone number and left a nasty message. I said my daughter is not allowed at your house, she is in high school!! and I will call the police if he goes near her!!!! I feel bad about it now, because I know they are very nice people.

I can't even function. I am so stressed out, I was driving crazy today, was throwing things at work and crying!
I also should mention that we live with my parents and she was always taught not to listen to me. They have no idea what is going on. They are old, but they take control and treat me like crap in front of her. I also tried texting her father just to tell him what was going on and he basically cut me down , was mean and nasty. One minute says something nice, the next mean!! I had to block him. At first he acted mad that she was dating someone that old and threatened to call the guys parents, then the next minute will act like there is something wrong with me for texting him and telling him this. He's a piece of work, which is why I divorced him!!!!! So I live with my parents that I cant stand and I have to authority over my daughter, an ex that talks abusive to me, and I flipped out and left a bad message for the parents!!
How do I fix this???
My daughters phone is still turned off (when she is near wifi though it still can text) just told me that if grampa told me to be home at ten I would come home at ten. Why should I listen to you??
So I just said well youre phone isn't getting turned back on then@
Advice?
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sarahsweets
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Default Nov 20, 2019 at 01:06 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shakeitforme View Post
I have a daughter that just turned 18. A few weeks before she turned 18 she started dating a guy who is almost 23. He lives with his parents and went to community colleges but has no degree.
Lets just say I am not happy about this. Would you be? She now does not want to go to college and says things like she wants to be a housewive. Then tells me they are getting married in two years.
He seems nice but the problem I have with this is she thinks that now that she is 18 she can do WHATEVER she wants to! She is also still in high school! If I tell her to come home at 8 on a school night she will say her curfew is at 10. I never told her what her curfew was. She told me! Last night she came home after midnight!!! She also won't answer my texts for 3 hours, then will block me! I have repeatedly turned her phone off, yelled, made threats,etc. Last night I even got online and found the guys parents phone number and left a nasty message. I said my daughter is not allowed at your house, she is in high school!! and I will call the police if he goes near her!!!! I feel bad about it now, because I know they are very nice people.
My daughter is now 19. When she turned 18 in high school she ran away and stayed at a party house. We tried everything to get her home. We towed away her car and shut off her phone. She stopped going to school. This happened in March and we had to go to family therapy and grieve her. Then in May she showed up after being kicked out of the party house and being addicted to various drugs and alcohol. We got her into rehab, then IOP then sober living. In August she met a boy and they moved in with his mother having left their sober living to save up for an apartment. Her birth control expired in the summer time and guess what? She got pregnant on purpose so we are dealing with her choice to bring a child into the world being unprepared. Try as you might if she is 18 it doesnt matter what you say or do, she can do what she wants and if she doesnt like it she can leave and your hands are tied.

Quote:
I also should mention that we live with my parents and she was always taught not to listen to me. They have no idea what is going on. They are old, but they take control and treat me like crap in front of her. I also tried texting her father just to tell him what was going on and he basically cut me down , was mean and nasty. One minute says something nice, the next mean!! I had to block him. At first he acted mad that she was dating someone that old and threatened to call the guys parents, then the next minute will act like there is something wrong with me for texting him and telling him this.
Is this a separate issue from your daughter not listening? What I mean is will she listen to them at all and ignores you?
Like is she generally accountable to your parents and ex but not to you?

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Shakeitforme
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Default Nov 20, 2019 at 09:00 PM
  #3
My parents have belittled me, and acted like I don't matter in front of kids for years so they have an image of me being just that! If my father told her to be home at a certain time she would listen to him (She even told me she would). My ex is not in the picture and she only sees him a few times a year.
Any suggestions for what to do about the message I sent to the parents? I guess just ignore it?
Do you suggest I just let her do what she wants? I can't kick her out because I don't have my own place. Her car is in my name but she needs it to drive to school, but my parents gave her the car and they would flip if I sold it or anything!!!
I am so stressed out! And when i am ignored I just get madder and madder and want to burst!
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