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bpcyclist
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 11:16 AM
  #21
I find that you can never really be sure. Even someone who outwardly appears to be somewhat enlightened about the things he or she is asking about may still freak out or be rude or dismissive. I had a fellow PCer ask for details about my story, while suggesting that she/he was really open and interested and brimming with empathy. So, I sent off a couple of paragraphs of very personal stuff, as requested, and never heard another word from him or her again. So, you just don't know.

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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 12:11 PM
  #22
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Do you feel uncomfortable when people ask you personal questions? I just don’t like sharing very much at all in social or work settings and I feel awkward when people ask direct questions about my personal life.

What are some coping strategies you use for this if it bothers you? Does it make you feel isolated from people if you don’t share with them?
I tend to have my guard up with people who ask me personal questions. You can't possibly gauge how the person will use the personal information that you choose to share with them. There's just not fool proof way to protect yourself from gossip or slander, even if you choose to remain mum. People will do or say whatever they want about you, no matter what you do. I realize that's not the answer you're probably looking for but it's the sad truth.

I don't feel isolated from people if I don't share personal information with them. You can have a pleasant connection with someone on a superficial level without delving too deep about your personal life if you really want to.

If you take a risk and disclose personal information about yourself here on the public boards, or in PM with a PC member, you have no control with what happens to that information. That's just human nature. People either respect your boundaries or they won't. No way to forecast who will respect your boundaries or who won't. You just need to take the risk. That is the only way to find out who is trustworthy and who isn't. Based on how they respond. If you reach out to someone and he/she refuses to open up, it could be because they don't like or trust you, or they don't like or trust anyone.
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Default Dec 05, 2019 at 04:59 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by LilyMop View Post
I’m sure you’re right that most of the time asking about someone’s weekend is superficial. Sometimes though I sense people are fishing for more than that and sometimes people will make judgmental comments. That’s when I get uncomfortable. Sometimes that one question about my weekend opens the door to ask further questions. I’ve noticed that the people I feel most comfortable with don’t ask too many questions and information is just naturally shared over time.
no matter where you go, and what groups you find yourself in, there will be some that will judge, make assumptions and look at you that way. Acceptance of this is foundational to being able to cope. It is what it is and the fact is if they are judgemental, more than likely they are not fully confident in themselves because most judgmental people tend to do so in order to make themselves feel superior. just let it be and be honest if you feel they are scrutinizing by saying so, that you are not comfortable talking about that or just dont' want to.
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Default Dec 08, 2019 at 01:38 AM
  #24
I use to feel like that LilyMop, but I watched Brené Brown's TED Talk called the Power of Vulnerability a few years ago and it kind of changed how I interacted with people the rest of my life.. I think It can be such a scary thing to open up to others and be personal and be honest about how we feel or what's going on. Sometimes, we are ashamed of how we feel or the circumstances we're in, the world is a judgmental place; Maybe you are afraid to be vulnerable?

So many people will abandon ship as soon as they see something in you that they don't agree with. I used to feel embarrassed about a lot of the things I dealt with. All of my mental illnesses that have impacted me everyday in my life. I use to not want to let others get to know me and the person I really was inside. Which was a imperfect and hurt person. But, some how, some way and some day I just decided to let go of what others thought about me at least in the sense of letting them dictate how I'm allowed or not allowed to feel and it doesn't matter if they accept it or not because they're my feelings and my experiences and I will continue to share and be personal because maybe someone will feel less alone if they hear me out.

I've also discovered something great in allowing myself to be personal. It creates better relationships with others and it allows them to be open, honest and personal back to you. Not many people want to make the first step but someone has to. Would be nice if we could all allow ourselves to just share the real issues, honest thoughts because we all want to feel heard in the world. It gets tiring acting like everything is okay when it really isn't.
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