Something Wrong With Me

Pretty sure this thread belongs here. Guess we'll see what the powers that be think.

I have developed a pretty major problem in my world view and that problem is that I now take a very, very dim view of the majority of people on our planet. What I mean by that is that I have sort of concluded that a large percentage of the population cares mostly or only about their own personal gain. They are not focused on service to others, selflessness, or advancing the common human good. Me, me, me. This is pretty much what I have settled on. Unfortunately.

Because of this, I have also concluded that, at least speaking for myself in my life, most relationships are basically a joke. That person you went on a trip with with your spouses to Hawaii and had such a great time is gone in 60 seconds the minute you become manic and do something kooky. That sibling will choose your wife's side in the bitter divorce process, even though she cheated on you. That nice girl from Sydney you dated really just wants access to your bank accounts. On and on and on.

Please understand, I am not positing that I am any kind of victim. I'm not. This is just how it is, at least that has been my experience. This is what my world experience has taught me. I am not happy about it. I don't enjoy it. But it is definitely how I feel.

The problem with this attitude is that it makes it difficult to meet new people. I go into most interactions expecting very little. I am sure I am giving off some kind of not good vibe and so, I end up not really meeting new people. I have 'friends' at my Alano Club, I feel totally welcome there. But the only other place I feel welcome is here on PC.

So, I am wondering if anyone thinks I can change what is basically a pretty cynical attitude. What should I do? Any input appreciated.

I wish I had something helpful and wise to say here. I agree with you. It’s hard to connect with others in a meaningful way. If you want to party and spend money and whatnot there are plenty of people around to help you do that. If not, it can get lonely. I enjoy PC for the same reason you do. I do try to get out and make new friends but I get discouraged. I think we should keep trying though. Definitely be cautious but I do believe there are some good people out there.

I don't find it unusual anymore what you describe ,as a friend of mine put it "I dozed off and woke up in a nightmare of generation entitled" nobody really wants to work for anything ,I mean after all they can stab you in the back take it and climb up another rung, unfortunately like the lemmings they have no idea where they are going or what they are after ,other than stuff "Look at me I have XxxxxX" it's all counter productive, anti society decline and in many cases people see it as the answer to perverted capitalism and run away inequality ,never doing the "math" and realising they are making the situation the fear worse .

They antidote is making small friends groups, looking after and knowing your neighbors ,"grass roots" activities that promote the group and not any one member ,simple stuff that us community builders have been promoting for decades that people can't accept ,when instant gratification is on the menu, many will starve ,so to speak .

You may be too attractive and thus attractive to shallow people....this could be your appearance or finances or even how you portray yourself initially. I was previously a scientist...most people in the sciences are doing it to save the world so I met great people. After that I was dating....I usually told people about the bipolar in some way or another in dates 1-3, I was cautious but told them I heard voices for example but that it was cleared up. This is a great scare tactic for the shallow. Scare them early not when you need them. If they stay then they should be ok if you flip out later on to a point. It also helps to be average looking...unfortunately if you’re too good looking again you’ll attract the shallow. Now if I remember you were a doctor, that’s like catnip for the shallow. This is of course just my opinion....

I used to feel the way you do. One of the few things my father ever told me that helped me was to regard people as a part of nature. That was very helpful for me.

I don't think some thing is wrong with you.You have an insight to some bitter truths.But no need to worry.I believe there are still good people out there.

Based on what you've been through with your relationships that you described, I think your cynical attitude is totally normal.

You're a very intelligent man and I'm sorry you're experiencing self-doubt about these social interactions. Why would you change who you are? There is no reason to ever second guess yourself. A little cynicism is healthy. I really don't think your worldview is wrong. I think it's actually pretty spot on. People are more selfish and entitled now, than they've ever been. And, it's definitely a reflection of the way society has evolved over the past 25 years with the help of the internet and giving people access to information 24/7.

The way of life we grew up with has all but disappeared which is sad. People don't visit each other anymore, "just because" like they used to. We're poisoning our planet and our gov't is corrupt. The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Rumi said:
I'm sorry you are feeling down, bpcyclist. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect for other people. Be yourself. The people who like you for who you are, will accept you for who you are. Don't worry about the rest.

I don’t feel your thinking is flawed. Your reacting to situations because of things you have gone through. That’s true for most everyone.

For instance my husband is much more trustworthy of new people he/we meet .. he will trust them until they give him a reason not too

Me, I feel trust should be earned. I’m leery of what motivations they could have. I can’t just blindly believe everything.

There is so much going on in the world..... I often just get overwhelmed turn the tv off put down my phone and just go play with my dog.

Can you make a change ? Yes .. it will require you to start interacting with people. While talking you will probably have to remind your self to stay grounded and actively try to NOT file that person into a catagory right away .. This is difficult. I have not mastered it or use it very effectively yet, but I am not sure I need to change myself. I think if I click with someone that’s fine if I don’t ? That’s fine too.

Yes I get this. We are the sum of our experience generally and if these have been your experiences then it makes sense you are distrustful.

I have moments when I feel this way, especially if I read about politics too much.

Is there a way you can expand the people you associate with more? I found volunteering massively helpful in counteracting cynicism within myself, I am able to step out of my usual world and connect in a very different way with a very different set of people. It is my antidote in a way.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, I think this is a place a lot of us fall into and It has a lot to do with our experiences in life.. As we grow older we get less and less tolerant for the BS because we can see it a mile a way and probably even expect it. Human nature is such a fickle and irritating thing sometimes.. At least that's just my way of describing it. There's always a hidden diamond in the dirt. Sometimes it take precious time and delicacy to discover. There are some people who are truly gems and will change your mind.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist So, I am wondering if anyone thinks I can change what is basically a pretty cynical attitude. What should I do? Any input appreciated.

Isn't this called being a Misanthrope? I only name it because it helped me when I found out what it was and could search for groups and such.

Quote:

I am wondering if anyone thinks I can change what is basically a pretty cynical attitude.

I think no. It isn't you.. it is the world. This fall I decided to change how I thought and I worked so hard at it. I got into the law of attraction and to do that... you have be positive so I went to the dentist and I left thinking that my positive attitude had made things better.. and then, they tried to rip me off by stating I had a procedure that I didn't have and trying to stick me with a $200 bill.

In a world full of nasty people... the only insane behavior is to ignore it.

I’m sorry you’ve had these hurts and disappointments. I’ve had some similar, big ones like yours, too.

You may be putting out cynical vibes and scaring off new people, who are possibly better, more loyal, trustworthy people. My suggestion is to suppress your cynicism to new people or else it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I count my blessings for the several close people who have not (yet?) devastated me. Maybe they will remain true. I will be good to them.

I was good to the ones who hurt me. I assume you have been a good person, too. So then logically, you can’t say everyone is bad, right?

I don’t know the reason why, no matter how we were loving, those people truly were not. I just accept there’s some reason I do not understand. Like maybe had I not been hurt, I’d not be typing this message to you, yada yada yada.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I also have been hurt by others...

I would say something is wrong with many things that are going on. I agree with you in the fact that narcissism is playing a main role nowadays.
If I’m wrong, why in the earth I feel not listened. Why people neither take the less humble effort that is to listen to what other people have to say, to listen and hear what’s the other person viewpoint.
Yes, I agree with you. Maybe we are both wrong. But, that is.