Accepting that no one wants to hear anything I have to say...

It isn't even a question anymore... most people do not want to hear anything I have to say. I have accepted it.

At work, at home, with family, where you are supposed to speak. No one wants to hear your inner thoughts and wishes.

SO now... what do you do about it. In Sense and Sensibility Edward Ferrars says "we all must have someone to listen to us"... but what if you don't?

What do you do?

I watch You Tube quite a little bit and I have been wondering if this is how the average man is able to "get out" the things they want to say.

No one I've ever known would have wanted to hear about my inner thoughts or wishes. They simply wanted me to fulfill the role I played in their lives. I learned very early in life, I don't know how, that there were things about myself I must never talk to anyone about. And so I didn't. And I still don't. Over the years, bits & pieces of it have inadvertently leaked out here & there. But, like the little Dutch boy, I plugged the leaks.

I used to watch videos on YouTube. (I even made a few of my own.) That was probably 10 years ago though. Nowadays I mostly just listen to relaxing music channels while I'm replying to posts here on PC. Sometimes I wish there was someone I could talk to. But there isn't. And to be honest I suspect I'd be too embarrassed to really come clean, so to speak. So I just keep it all to myself. Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep it up. But the reality is I've been doing it my entire life. I guess I can tolerate a few more years.

Lately, I meditate and pray all of the time.

The meditation helps me listen to others better. Sometimes we don't listen well enough because there is just so much clutter going on in our head. When I quiet that clutter, I even feel like I read between the lines better concerning conversations. People send us two messages when communicating--the information coupled with the emotional messages vibes going on as they deliver the messages. I am trying to live in the moment more and have noticed that just because someone wasn't listening or was aggravated one day doesn't mean that they are always that way. I am learning (have so much farther to go) not to color my present feelings with past information. Every conversation is a new beginning!

I pray a lot too and I believe I am heard.

Feel free to message me anytime. I usually check on my PC account once a day. Would be happy to hear what you have to say but I don't scan all the posts anymore. Hope you feel better soon!

Unfortunately, a high percentage of people have never been taught to listen. One of the things that can help with that is reading to your children from the earliest age you can.

Find a good therapist. Join knitting circle. Do art therapy. Do music therapy. Journal. Meditate. Draw. Take photographs. Paint. Act. Write music. Write poetry. Write stories.

These people had no one to listen to them. So, they created art as a release and to express themselves.

Active listening is a lost skill with the advent of the cellphone and texting and instant messaging. No one wants to call each other or talk to each other anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks No one I've ever known would have wanted to hear about my inner thoughts or wishes. They simply wanted me to fulfill the role I played in their lives. I learned very early in life, I don't know how, that there were things about myself I must never talk to anyone about. And so I didn't. And I still don't. Over the years, bits & pieces of it have inadvertently leaked out here & there. But, like the little Dutch boy, I plugged the leaks.

Hey now, that wasn't what I wanted to hear.

I was watching this series on Netflix from Holland (ha, Dutch) and it made me cringe because the lead character expresses just this view eventually, says it out loud, and everyone just gives her that look like they don't know what to say. It was with regard to dating and no suitors wanting to listen or know her... but I felt like it was just a matter of time before the character would realize it with regard to everyone. That is how I feel. I have literally noticed my friends rushing me off the phone or trying to get away if I am in their office.

Thanks for the offers to listen all. I am out most of the day. So probably would be a weekend thing.

I agree, humans have an inherent nature to need to express themselves and to feel heard. That is why solitary confinement is such harsh punishment, and why it is unhealthy to isolate.

People who really care about you want to hear your inner thoughts and wishes. They want you to listen to theirs, too. It’s a bonding of two that makes you closer.

People on here truly want to listen, respond, also be heard. It’s volunteer and anonymous. So this is an outlet to express and be heard and validated. I agree, youtube videos and all the forms of art mentioned are ways of reaching out to express too.

If you feel people are avoiding you and cutting conversations with you off, you must be coming across as too much. You’d be best off to keep your conversations with them to just more important information and much shorter amounts of personal emotions. Not ice cold and robotic, just more brief. They really are very busy and can’t give you that much of themselves as a sounding board. Come here instead.

Also praying is a great form of expressing your inner thoughts and wishes and being heard— IMHO, it’s the best way.

I remember the story about the princess with the suitors who didn’t care about who she was. If I remember, it was a pauper, who wasn’t even supposed to be a suitor, who did listen and she married him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv I. If I remember, it was a pauper, who wasn’t even supposed to be a suitor, who did listen and she married him.

If I could find anyone who would listen to me, including a chimpanzee I would marry them.

Quote:

If you feel people are avoiding you and cutting conversations with you off, you must be coming across as too much. You’d be best off to keep your conversations with them to just more important information and much shorter amounts of personal emotions.

I just feel like that isn't true though. I mean one friend doesn't even work with me, when she calls, I pick up and listen. And the end of the conversation when I feel like it is my turn to talk... "she has to go". She has zero desire to hear what I say and can't even hide that anymore. But it is rare if I talk to her. I do not text her in off hours or say anything to her outside of work. But I do feel like if she calls me, I should get a turn to speak too... it is only polite. I call her but typically with work information.

Then, I have a "friend" at work and she literally comes into my office, says what she wants to say (disturbing me) and then departs. When I go into her office to say anything she finishes the conversation talking about her issue. She is so about her she can hardly keep on topic.

I used to have another friend but we have broken it off. She drove me up the wall... anytime I would have my office door open she would come in and tell me a story about her life and then when I would start talking about me she would go "oh I have to go". Ok for the first 500 times... I can let that go but after the 501st time you just blow your top. I never blew but I made it plain she isn't really welcome anymore.

If I was going to take any stab at it I would say it is that I am a valued friend who listens and they have all become very dependent on my listening to them... so much that it is like a drug.

You wouldn’t get much listening from a chimp, but a parrot would do nicely!

I know what you are saying about a person who just talks ‘at’ you and then rushes off without letting you get a word in. I’ve experienced that myself by only one person, though. My husband called it a hit-and-run conversation! That’s their problem and not something you are doing wrong, as they haven’t even given you the chance to have done anything at all. It may be that you are the listener, and they only want it that one way because they are selfish. It’s unusual that it has happened to you with several people, though.

In the situation I had, she didn’t talk about anything of depth. It was only this checking in about what he was doing, like giving me the weather report, then would rush me off the phone. It was like I was on her list of people she wanted to keep in touch with, but have a totally superficial relationship. This was my sister.

With you, it sounds like they are talking about personal issues with no quid pro quo (lol, a hot term lately!)

I definitely agree we all need to be heard. I think it is the most painful thing if we are misunderstood or ignored - sure, that happens to us all some of the time but it happens all of the time then it can make us feel disconnected and isolated.

I guess I am just posting to let you know I am listening to what you have to say about that.

We do all need to be heard. Sometimes people feel they cannot listen because they don't know what to say, don't want to be drawn into some complicated situation or just can't be bothered because everything's about them. How many times has someone steered the conversation quickly round to their life, instead of listening to you. Very frustrating!

There are people who know how to listen constructively. Unfortunately, they are very rare. Most of my close family can't do this, so it becomes very frustrating. That's partly why I get involved in discussion forums, where I hope I can contribute positively.

Sadly, the internet has contributed to this situation. The art of positive communication is dying. On the plus side, it can educate so when you meet people who can talk about more than what they had for breakfast, then it's good.

I feel like that sometimes too But I do know there are a few people who do want to listen.... Sorry this is probably not any help. I'm talking to the moon tonight, one of too many nights

Good post I agree with most of this. I also enjoy it when people talk about more than what they had for breakfast.

I'm sorry you feel so unheard. I understand that feeling. I don't think my life is worth living. I am trying to find meaning. My observation is many people don't care about others except in relation to themselves, how they enhance themselves. You may be surrounded by people who are incapable of seeing your worth. But that does not mean you are unworthy.

You could force yourself to join a poetry open mike night--yeah, write poetry expressing your feelings--get up before a small crowd and dare! I've done it and it felt good afterward. People came up to me and chatted for a while.

Quote:

Originally Posted by marysdaughter You could force yourself to join a poetry open mike night--yeah, write poetry expressing your feelings--get up before a small crowd and dare! I've done it and it felt good afterward. People came up to me and chatted for a while.

Ugh, you really didn't understand my post. I don't want to have meaningless chitter chatter. I want someone to listen to me, to understand. To tell me I am right or to nod their head in agreement. To allow me to complain for a second about something bad that happened to me to be happy for something go that happened to me. Not meaningless blathering.

I think it’s neat that you do this, marysdaughter. I’m sure that it’s meaningful for you and the people who engage with you afterward.