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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 09:14 AM
  #41
@Noname1987, so how did you feel through all of that, when you called his bluff and allowed your husband's friend to watch you naked in your room? How did you feel afterwards? Did you feel OK with it? Angry? Upset? Hurt?

I agree with the others that this is a very slippery slope... if you give an inch your husband will take it a mile.

I think it may be wise of you to truly figure out where you stand with all of this FIRST, before testing the waters again. You called his bluff this time, and it pleased him immensely, but the real question how did YOU feel about it?

If you are comfortable or OK with doing these things for him, that's one thing and it's totally fine, but if you are NOT, there's a problem here that needs to be resolved. I'm afraid that your husband is going to continue to have all these fantasies, but if actually fulfilling them goes against your own principles, values and comfort level, what are going to do?

I think these are important questions to answer for yourself. You love him and tell us that you have a great marriage otherwise, but there may be an incompatibility here that could become a source of friction in your marriage. Please don't do these things simply to please him and fulfill his fantasies, IF you are truly not comfortable doing them. Your self-esteem could suffer and you may end up resenting your husband for pushing you to compromise your values and self-worth. Just some questions that may help you....

I also think it's very telling that his friend said he would never ask that of his girl or want that of her.

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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 09:32 AM
  #42
Is it possible you enjoyed it yourself?
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 02:39 PM
  #43
Well, he has forever changed the kind of friendship he has with this other guy. This other guy is going to be uncomfortable with him. And you will never really know if your husband told or tells this guy that you were ok with doing this. Then neither of you will know how many people this guy shares this experience with either. Truth is NOW the consequences are beyond your control.
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 03:16 PM
  #44
You do understand that he will want more too right? He will want you to even have sex with some other guy while he watches, are you going to call him on that too?

He is using "you" to play a form of catfishing with other men. It's a "control" fantasy for him and he is doing it for the thrill which is more important to him than you and whatever consequences this may have on you.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Dec 15, 2019 at 03:31 PM..
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 04:38 PM
  #45
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I am pretty sure eventually he’d ask you to have sex with other men. Would you do that (to call his bluff?) or so you can please him?

Also where are the kids when these activities take place?
No, if he asked me to sleep with another guy I would not try to call his bluff. That’s a lot different than letting his friend see me naked. I didn’t say this was my best idea. But it’s done now. But I think you’re right. I’m now pretty sure he’ll ultimately want to watch me have sex with another guy. Which I’m still wrapping my head around. Never though this would be something that would ever come up in our marriage.

And the kids are at grandma’s house this weekend.
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 04:44 PM
  #46
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I think this is a "slippery slope"----as in, what is next? He probably thinks that if you allowed this (another man seeing you naked), then you probably will take the next step...whatever that is. What if this (Mark") guy tells other people/men? Would he expose himself to another woman? We all need emotional AND physical boundaries.
I completely agree. Not my best idea in my lifetime. And I’m worried too about if Mark tells other guys we know about it. Like what happens if all of our male friends find out my husband is ok showing my body off. Trust me, I’ve already gone down that path in my head. Still trying to work that out. Maybe ask Mark to keep it private? We’ve know him forever. I would trust him to keep it private. But that would require letting him know that I knew he was out there. And also acknowledging to him that my husband is into this kink. So not sure if I’m ready for that. But it might be better to have that conversation with one guy, rather than have all the guys we hang out with know. I don’t know. But I’m trying to figure that out myself.
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 05:19 PM
  #47
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Is it possible you enjoyed it yourself?
I certainly wouldn’t say I enjoyed it. I was freaking out. There is the part of just being a woman and having guy with no stings attached finding you attractive. And it was um, maybe the word is thrilling, I don’t know... it certainly was interesting just being naked for another guy. But I in any way loving it like my husband was. It’s a crazy feeling that’s very difficult to describe. And I’m pretty sure that’s a pretty natural feeling. And every girl like to be attractive which I definitely did feel. But it’s not like if my husband changed my mind I’d be disappointed now in any way. Just being honest about the feelings that came up while doing this. While I was standing there naked, I had the realization that either we go to therapy and try to fix this proclivity in him, or I find a way to enjoy it and we incorporate it into our lives. And if so, how far to go with it. I just always assumed he was going to be the only man I ever had any sexual engagement with for the rest of our lives. So other guys were not in any way on my radar. So it’s a huge 180 degree turn from what our 13 years of marriage has been, the idea of incorporating other men in any capacity. So I’m like trying to wrap my head around that scenario now. Like what would marriage look like if I were the wife other guys got to enjoy. Then I go, “oh, I’d just be a slut then in their eyes”. They may like it, but then I’m just an easy girl they probably wouldn’t have much respect for. Doesn’t sound too appealing for me there. Especially when those men get girlfriends or wives. I’m sure making friends with women would be very difficult if they ever found out. Even if their man wasn’t one of the ones who got to see me. I suppose a couple could arrange for just strangers or something, I don’t know. But I guess that would take care of that issue. But whatever, that’s just saying IF I were to go down that path. It’s not like that’s where I’m leaning or anything. But obviously I had to entertain that scenario. Because I have read about couple that do that, so I suppose it is possible, however unorthodox it may be. Just never thought I’d have to wrestle with it.

So did I enjoy it??? On the level that women are wired to enjoy being seen as beautiful and desirable to other guys, yes. But that’s more of a universal biological mechanism I think, and less-so some sort of proof that I’m “into it” too.
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Default Dec 15, 2019 at 07:52 PM
  #48
@Noname1987, if you want to learn more about this, it's called candaulism. Which is a sexual fetish involving exhibitionism of one's wife. Here's an article on it for you.

Kinda Cucks: The Men Who Want to Know How You‘d Have Sex with Their Wives | MEL Magazine

I would be very careful around this because he could end up taking innocent naked photos of you and sharing them without you knowing it. It seems as though he's pretty far into this fetish, wanting to involve your gynocologist, a massage therapist, and his close friends even.

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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 07:21 AM
  #49
Good point about pics. What if those guys take pics of you and post on the Internet? Post them on porn sites? That could cause huge problems. Those could resurface in unexpected places and times. Big price to pay for a little bit of fun.
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 09:58 AM
  #50
I am stuck on the one sentence OP said...He kept telling"jokingly" I should flash as a " payment". Husband wants to pay for the work on the car with flashing his wife's naked body??????? IT SAYS A LOT ABOUT.........IMO.
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 10:07 AM
  #51
Once I saw a show on tv,where a woman confessed her brother used to bring home his friends, asked her to take her undies off,let the friend take a look at.......and took a dollar from the friend.It happened for years.No need to say she was traumatized to know that brother made money doing it.I don't know why I am sharing it ,it may be irrelevant to the present conversation, but I felt this is something similar.
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 11:09 AM
  #52
It's understandable that you have very mixed feelings about this challenge Noname. Yes, on the one hand it's very flattering that your body can be so desirable. Women most certainly have taken advantage of that in many ways in humanity where they have allowed their bodies to be displayed for viewing. They even choose clothing that shows something that can be very suggestive. This has even been considered a form of art.

We have had politicians who engaged in playing around and there were always women "who let them" too. There have been wives who "let them", like Jacklyn Kennedy who knew her husband played with other women who let him. Actually, our first lady did allow her body to be photographed and she did partake in that world of showing off her body. Well, there are sure plenty of comments that put her down and basically call her trash. Plenty of negative assumptions about her that tend to show disrespect for her. She has been called "the trophy wife" and has not really been considered as being an intelligent woman. No, the focus tends to be more on how she freely allowed her body to be photographed and got paid for that. Plenty of nasty things have been said about Melania's relationship with her husband. Lots of "assumptions" have been made and yet no one really knows what their real relationship is about, things they agreed on and are perfectly ok with.

Oh right, "but he said this and that", well what was the REAL conversation your husband had with his friend? Our president engaged in a discussion with another man not knowing he was being taped. At one point he said "if you think that's bad you should hear what Clinton says". It's important to think about the statement made "And they LET YOU". Well, at one point Melania was encouraged to expose her body and have lots of photos taken of her, once she did that however, she no longer had control over the consequences of that and never even dreamed she would one day become the First Lady and would be treated so badly by so many people who made it a point to print old pictures she agreed to have taken long before she met her husband. Yes, often she was encouraged to wear suggestive clothing as well. Her husband did not see anything wrong with what she did, he enjoyed her body and enjoyed how other men found her extremely attractive. Oh, that's just AWFUL many have uttered, vocally and in many written articles and comments.

Well, our choices in our lives do have consequences, often consequences unimagined. And people can be incredibly cruel and most definitely "assume" many things that can be mean and cold and calculating. And you are correct in that if other mothers find out, you may have a hard time making friends and often women make it a point to shun and avoid.

So the question for you is how do you want to live YOUR life? What is important to YOU? Also, choices you do make WILL affect your children. That is a discussion that should take place because it isn't just you and your husband, the choices the two of you make will forever have an affect on your children who always have to deal with your choices and tend to have no say. Also, children who learn about the choices you make can struggle with feeling that you did not care enough about THEM when you made these choices. It IS important that you have a discussion with your husband about what kind of family he wants to have, because the truth is, it's not just you and him, what you choose to do now does affect your family.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Dec 16, 2019 at 11:32 AM..
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 12:06 PM
  #53
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I agree with all the replies you already have and I would like to share something I know .Consider it as "better safe than sorry".I am not trying to scare you but what I tell you is true .I know a woman who went along with her husband's different style ,but was not comfortable.Husband wanted her to go online sites and wanted her to pretend she was looking for a steamy relationship and not married.She went along.She asked for males private part pics and sent hers at the request of her husband.She talked with the online males in a kinky way.More and more happened,while the husband guided and encouraged her.He said she was an amazing wife and he loves her .She thought this is what he needed to be happy and she complied.After 10 years of marriage he filed divorce on the grounds of guess what????adultery. He provided evidence of her online profile on this adult website and all the pics and communication between her and strangers.I am not saying this will happen to you,but it looks like you are being pushed into danger zone.
This is diabolical and scary. I’d take heed of being set up for this possibility.

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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 12:18 PM
  #54
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I am stuck on the one sentence OP said...He kept telling"jokingly" I should flash as a " payment". Husband wants to pay for the work on the car with flashing his wife's naked body??????? IT SAYS A LOT ABOUT.........IMO.
Madonna/wh*re complex. Google it because I can’t post due to that word on here.
It’s a little like this^

When you first got together with him, you were so young. He probably always had these fetish thoughts, but is acting on them now because he is bored. He gets off on seeing you in the ‘wh*re’ role rather than as a mother.

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Dec 16, 2019 at 12:19 PM.. Reason: Bad word
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 01:13 PM
  #55
So what is next?He gets a new roof and will want his wife to pay with...what?????? He has no respect for his wife,IMHO.The OP should enforce strict boundaries NOW.Before things go beyond her control,which I can see already happening.
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 01:16 PM
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Madonna/wh*re complex. Google it because I can’t post due to that word on here.
It’s a little like this^

When you first got together with him, you were so young. He probably always had these fetish thoughts, but is acting on them now because he is bored. He gets off on seeing you in the ‘wh*re’ role rather than as a mother.
Yep,that is why I said,he has no respect for her.
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 05:49 PM
  #57
I miss where he said (even if jokingly) that him exposed his wife to others could be a form of payment for work provided. He is trying to sell you. This isn’t a kink. This is disrespect. Not something to joke about. Not a good thing if he has kids. Would he like someone to offer his daughter as a form of payment? I am not buying that he’s been a great husband. Good husband would have his wife’s safety and privacy as a priority. He clearly can’t care less.

Time to take this seriously and get to the bottom of this. This isn’t a game
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 05:58 PM
  #58
In case of divorce he’ll go for “at fault” divorce as you are exposing yourself is a form of unfaithfulness and he will likely frame you as unstable parent as you are known to expose yourself to strangers and even to his friends (and he now has a witness).

Sure youd say he was aware his friend was watching you but he wasn’t the one exposing himself and you were the one suggested to expose yourself to his friend - bluff or not.

Your marriage might seem ok now but who knows how things will go and how all this will be twisted. I recommend to stop exposing yourself to people regardless what motivates you. You are playing with Fire
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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 06:25 PM
  #59
Oh wow, I missed that too -- jokingly telling you to flash a guy as payment for his work on your car. That is over the line..... you had said this earlier in this thread:

"But I fully agree that it’s over the line to intentionally expose myself to someone."

You called his bluff and exposed yourself in your room while his friend was visiting. So, from this angle, you've gone against your own principles. I am only pointing out the fact that you had said it would be over the line for YOU -- your comfort zone. It would be totally different IF you were completely into the idea and wanted to do these things, in every way. And I think you know where the line is with your own comfort level.... you said it would be over the line to intentionally expose yourself to someone....

I'm afraid that this is heading to a bad place for you, my dear. I really do not think anything good can from this.

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Default Dec 16, 2019 at 06:47 PM
  #60
I've been sexually active for 43 years. I am no prude, and I totally understand that kinky sex can be cool. Some of the best sex I've had was out in nature (I am positive no one ever saw us). And how many babies are conceived in the back of a car? A lot!

All that said, I'll be blunt. What your husband is asking of you is cruel. It's cruel to you, to him, and to whoever is victimized by the whole scheme.

If you agree, or if you do not agree, I will use my crystal ball and tell you that I see major trouble ahead for you and your husband. Because this is not about good sex, this is about control and power.

Please get into marriage therapy as soon as you can before the whole (if you'll excuse the term) sh--it house goes up in flames.

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