Husband pressuring me to dress more sexy and “accidentally” expose myself to othermen

What
about the other men he is using in his game? They could get the wrong impression of someone being nude when they open the door. One reason i never have anything to do with women who are involved with other men. It is similar to women talking to a man to make husband jealous or some other game. The person being used does not matter

Hey @Noname1987: I am sorry if you feel judged. I know when I feel passionately or strongly about something I can come across as harsh or blunt. I do my best to say that before I post so the OP wont see any malice in what I say. I do not feel you are judged here. I see people very concerned for you and a lot of red flags. Think about it: What would you say to a friend who was in the same situation?
Another point that @LonelyMan brought up is the consent of the man involved. if you were to agree to this then I suggest you use an app or site tailored to stuff like that. I think there is one called (adult friend something) and even though it has sections for swingers I am sure there is one for this type of thing. The reason I suggest this is because you are getting the consent of the third party.

Consent is everywhere and all over the news now due to the #Metoo movement and pervasive sexual assault and harassment. Consent is something you give before an even like that happens..not during (which puts pressure on the third party) and not after when the person feels pressured to make it ok or hears excuses from one of the other persons involved. This friend of your husband also didnt know you consented so what could he think? And your husband gave him permission and its hard to not be awkward when in the middle of that type of thing. If the friend flips out and walks away he looks like a **** and is sort of insulting. If he watches he gets turned on or confused. And he said he would never let his girl do that or let another man see her naked so how would that affect the way he sees you?
I understand the way you feel after this event occurred. It may have been thrilling and maybe inside you want this too but it seems like you are thinking about it a lot. And that isnt something most people do when they are ok with something. When they are ok with something the do it and move on. But when they are not ok with something there is major thinking before and major second thoughts/rumination after.

I do not think your husband is a monster. I do not doubt your love for each other. But tons of people are capable of ignoring the needs or hurting those the treasure the most.

Good post, sarahsweets. I'm of the opinion that it is 100% unacceptable to violate the 3rd person involved in the situation. That person might be triggered, upset...a rotten way to get your kicks.

I agree with Sarasweets and i said the same thing early in this thread.

OP and her husband need to look for willing participants who give consent, not get people ambushed. But OP said that we shouldn’t get hung up on “accidental” part as ultimate goal is to get willing friends involved plus her husband thinks every man is just happy to see any women naked (incorrect).

My opinion still stands that this stuff with unwilling or ambushed participants could get police involved. And exposing oneself could get a person on a sex offender list forever.

I wonder how much of his thrill is actually because these other people are unsuspecting observers rather than informed participants. And how much of his thrill is due to him seeing his wife and these unsuspecting men humiliated?

What if a stranger (man) showed up at your door and (because he heard about you) and wanted to have sex? I think this whole situation is dangerous.

@Noname1987: how are you doing? You've gotten a lot of feedback in this thread, and I know you felt judged by some of it. Many have said they don't see anyone judging you. And many have said there is only concern for you, which is what I see too. Just wanted to check in to see how you're feeling with all of this? I know it can feel overwhelming, with so much input and so many opinions... I hope you are OK, most importantly. Just know that people care about your well-being, and that that is where everyone here is coming from.

thanks for letting me stay and watch. Any time. Those are not the words of normal people. If you really felt you have a great relationship you would not be asking what you asked.

the man involved if she bends over in the bar, mentioned elsewhere,is not consenting either. Because he is there to 'pick up women' is not a valid reason to involve him in the husband' games. 'Pick up women' is no more sleazy than what the husband wants.

If the husband wants his fantasy then he should find people who are willing to play along not abuse people by involving them as playthings for his to enjoy his power over people, or over men, which is what it is all about

Actually NoName, I think the feedback you have gotten about this challenge is not judging you but more about what different individuals think about what your husband wants you to do. Part of what is wrong with what your husband is doing is how he is putting you out there in situations where another man is taken by surprise. Your husband is assuming these other men have the same fantasies and interests he has. It's not situations that are consenting as someone else pointed out. His friend's initial response was not wanting to invade your privacy and your husband encouraged him to go ahead and look. Your husband is asking you to be a flasher. It's not all that different than asking you to wear a coat with nothing on under it and flashing random people. Actually, if you suggested that to him you now know he would respond with "yeah, lets try that" and come up with situations you could actually do that.

I have tried to step back and think about the behavior itself and how it's come out in other ways in humanity. It has come out in a lot of different ways. We have this restaurant chain called Hooters for example, the man who came up with that made it a point to put women on display, specifically women who have large breasts and men can go someplace to eat and be served by some woman who has certain attributes. Hooters is NOT the first restaurant or public place to present this idea. I actually remember when I was young working at a restaurant where all the waitresses wore uniforms that consisted of short skirts and low cut tops. It was desirable when women bent over while serving drinks etc. The short skirts were plaid, red and black. Many years later I came across a documentary that explained the significance of the color red. Turns out men happen to be very attracted to the color red and most of them don't even realize why. They don't even know WHY they often buy trucks and cars they consider "female" and often pick the color red. When I learned that I remembered those uniforms and I thought about how the man who picked that uniform probably didn't even know why he chose to have the short skirts be red. If I remember correctly, in that movie "10" wasn't Bo
Dereck wearing a clingy wet red bathing suit? Perhaps I have that confused with "Lady in Red" movie. Given what I have learned about "red" and "men" I remember how in one of the debates Hillary wore a bright red suit when she was to face Trump. Given what I have learned about red and men that was done on purpose to confuse him in a way he probably did not expect or even realize. What I CAN say is that I honestly had no idea red could be that significant until I watched that documentary and that was at a much older age than you are now.

Did you ever watch the classic movie "Citizen Kane"? Did you look up what Rose Bud really means? Well, I remember reading about it not so very long ago, and while it may have had one meaning in the movie, there was yet another meaning for it. Perhaps I will let you look into that yourself. And my point is, there are most definitely deep meanings to things that can be learned that can provide more insight rather than just some OMG that is horrible. I guess what I am trying to say is that your husband is certainly not the first to want to act out his fantasies. And you certainly are not the first woman to agree either. After all, Hugh Hefner got a lot of women to agree to go along with his "fantasy" of having different women reveal themselves every month in his magazine. He told other men, "go ahead, it's ok to look". When Hugh Hefner was asked about objectifying women, his answer was along the lines of "no, I am empowering them to enjoy their sexuality".

I remember seeing the movie "Basic Instinct", well, the man that put that together wanted to "shock" the audience, and it was some man's fantasy. Well, that actress did agree to play that part. Ofcourse, every time her name came up, everyone thought about that part she agreed to play. Yes, now I remember her name, Sharon Stone. The way those men responded in that movie is what your husband seems to enjoy seeing. And, that is what Hugh Hefner liked as well. So, my point about this is that this is not a fetish that is unusual, it's there and there are plenty of ways it does come out. I do remember that my father did have playboy magazines and when asked about it, he talked about how that magazine had some very interesting articles. He would never admit that "yes, I do like to look at naked women".

I remember that movie Jamie Lee Curtis was in with Arnold Swartzenager, ugh can't think of the name of that movie atm. She did that scene where she was stripping and it was the first time she was seen in a movie like that and many people expressed how they were amazed by how nice her body was. Well, since that movie came out, a lot of people that had seen that movie will think of that movie when thinking about Jamie Lee Curtis. Actually, the way her own husband reacted in that movie is the same reaction your husband enjoys seeing happen. So, clearly that was a portrayl of "someone's" fantasy. However, these actresses did agree to play these roles and they did get compensated for it. So, it's not out of the realm of how women have participated in acting out fantasies.

That being said, what you have engaged in isn't really something many wives choose to do, it's one of those things that is expected in other places or venues, but not typically something one comes across in visiting a friend who's wife happens to agree to be up in her bedroom naked so her husband can surprise this friend of his who never expected to experience what your husband presented to him. This isn't something the average woman expects to be surprised with from her husband. Most women expect their husbands to want their wives to themselves. However, a lot of husbands do like it when their wife looks sexy when they take them out there is some of the wanting to show the wife off that happens with men. Your husband wants more than that and this is something the two of you will need to discuss and really consider the consequences and what can compromise your marriage and family that he clearly isn't really thinking about at the moment.

I remember years ago I went with some friends to see male strippers for the first time. I believe I went two times, the second time was more about confirming that yes, women can go crazy. I was shocked to see how the women behaved, AND women who were older too. I can still remember how I distanced and even got embarassed in that I was even in a place where women behaved the way I was seeing them behave. Women can be every bit as forward as men and I had no idea until I witnessed it. Human beings can be VERY sexual, both males AND females. Yet, it's not something one expectes to experience in regular suberbia where most are supposed to be responsible adults raising their children in ways that respect the well being of the children.

it all boils down to:

if you don't approve of it, tell him and be done.

if you want to participate on any level, then do it.

really, 1 of 2 choices. your call. not one any of us can make for you..only you know what works for you.

And if you knowingly expose someone who is not aware/consenting you are doing to him what your husband is doing to you. You have a responsibility not to involve people who are not involved

Lonelyman has good points. I have talked about the fantasy because it happens to be a fantasy. However, things I have discussed tend to be things that involve "consenting" where even in the movies I discussed there is a warning of content before viewing takes place. When what you shared is done the way your husband has wanted, he is not considering the person/men that are taken by surprise and he is just assuming they "want" to experience his own fantasies. The main worry many posters have here is how your husband is using others for his own enjoyment without their conscent and expecting you to do the same with him.

What are the movies, Found them

Lonelyman, I was bringing up examples where different individuals created movies and magazines that show the fantasies the OP's husband is expressing. So, while the idea is not new, what I discussed is aimed at and provided for concenting adults.

Even when she agreed to be naked in her bedroom where her husband could bring this friend out hoping his friend would see his wife naked, she played a game with her husband to catch this "friend" by surprise. Then her husband told his friend it was ok to look and his friend did so without the conscent of the wife, but just the husband. The OP shared that she has cameras so she could check what was said, her husband did not say to this man "my wife is ok with you seeing her naked" or "we are sharing her naked together with you" either. So, the actual "conscent" is missing, even though the husband said it was ok to look to his friend, his friend was not told it was ok with the wife. Conscent is missing making the experience leaving his friend being used for this man's game. The OP did express her concern about this friend being told she was ok with her husband's game. She did participate in a lie or her husband basically "using" his friend.

so this is all good with "Two young kids" in the house.

priorities.

again. while we babble on about what her decision should be, and if the conditions are right or wrong, I again state it boils down to 2 choices:
agree to participate or opt out.

when I went back to the original post I noticed there are Two young kids in the mix. to me this would be the answer to my question. why would you subject them to this behavior. period.

but hey what do I know.

the movies i saw were 10 BO Derek and other i can't remember. The looking in the window is a sick way to treat a wife. i cannot belive someone would do that

I don’t even think it’s fair to assume that men go to bars to pick up women. Many go to watch sports socialize with their buddies and have a drink. Some like bar food. Not everyone is there to ogle women

i agree. Why should they be subject, unknowingly, to someone's sick games

Quote:

Originally Posted by resurgam so this is all good with "Two young kids" in the house. priorities. again. while we babble on about what her decision should be, and if the conditions are right or wrong, I again state it boils down to 2 choices: agree to participate or opt out. when I went back to the original post I noticed there are Two young kids in the mix. to me this would be the answer to my question. why would you subject them to this behavior. period. but hey what do I know.

OP posted that the kids were at grandma's.


The entire subject is overly dramatic and suspicious. I'm going to hold myself to self-care by not continuing to read this thread.

It's your body and only you should decide what you want to do with it. Don't let anyone pressure you in to things