Called Domestic Violence Hotline

Tonight I called a domestic violence hotline and explained my situation to the person that answered the phone. She was extremely concerned about my safety and fears that my situation could be lethal if I don't get out. It almost was lethal in October. (I thought that I had a kidney stone and mentioned this to my husband, but as time progressed, the stone didn't pass and I began to feel worse and worse. He told me that I was being a baby, that I should be able to bear a little bit of pain, that I should learn to be flexible, etc... When he finally let me go to the ER (with an escort), I was in septic shock. I had two different bacteria strains, one of which was staph, and my kidney was four times the size that it should have been, filled with blood and pus. I spent most of October in the hospital. )

We discussed different ways for me to get help, but the advocate didn't think that any of them were safe. She did refer me to a shelter in another state, almost 20 hours from here. I think I should have asked if there is one closer that I can stay at while figuring out how/where to go since it would be unsafe for me to stay in this area and try to rebuild my life. It's to late tonight, so I will have to wait until tomorrow to call back.

I'm worried that they'll think I'm crazy for calling again tomorrow. I am so anxious that I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm quite certain the people at the hotline have had plenty of experience in dealing with your type of situation. And I doubt they're going to think you're crazy. (By the way, I've had a kidney stone. It's one of the most painful health problems a person can have.) Please take care.

I am sure there is a shelter closer than 20 hours away. Tell me where you are at and I’ll try to find one. Or PM me. Don’t stay with this person another day. Call hotline again. They won’t think
you are crazy and I think they are open 24/7

I am so incredibly proud of you for making that call, Princess. Get out of there now. Tell us how else we can help you.

No one who has compassion for other would ever think that you are crazy for asking for some help.

You're not crazy and please be proud of yourself for making that call. Yes, i agree that Twenty Hours seems a bit too much. Certainly there must be a nearer shelter. please let us know if we can do somethign to help you. i am not sure how much I can do personally, as I am not in the UNited States, but PM me if you feel like there may be something I can do. Or write here. Please get away from there, you deserve to stay safe, my dear, sweet, kind, AWESOME and WONDERFUL FRIEND!!!!! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Anxiety Princess, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking and get away from there AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, OK?!

You are not crazy (he makes you think you are crazy) There are a lot of things going on and you need to get out there. Asap...I had a kidney stone too...was treated the same way as you, so I know what you are going through. I also had major knee surgery and my kids were told that I am a liar because I shouldn't have needed crutches and I am faking the severity of my condition. Listen, my point is, it will never get better, only worse and worse. Get away from him and things will start to turn around. You are a strong person for reaching out for help. Please let me know if you need anything.

Thank you all for your support.

I called the hotline again and spoke with a different advocate tonight (they randomly answer as they are available). I explained to her that I needed something closer than 20 hours away, and help with an exit strategy, There are 37 cameras monitoring every angle of the outside of the house, so if I plan to leave, it has to be quick....

This advocate transferred me to a hotline in my area, and they took some intake information, but told me that all of the shelters are at capacity at the moment. They do a bed check every day at 7 am and 3 pm, so I was told to call back then to see if there is space available, so I will call tomorrow at 3pm. I would call at 7am as well, but he'll be here then, so I wouldn't be safe to do that.

I am so scared and nervous, and your support means the world to me.

You can do this, Princess!!

Is there someone you can stay with until you get into the shelter?

37 cameras??? He installed that to spy on you?? Wow. Could you stay with a friend?

There has to be other domestic violence services. Have you called your county human services office or the state?

@nicoleflynn @divine1966 I don't have any friends that I can stay with that I'm aware of. I am working on talking to people that I used to be friendly with (haven't really had "close" friends in the past 20 years), but I'm not supposed to have friends, so I have to be very careful that I don't get caught. (I lost my sim card from my phone lat week and just got it back because I asked him). I don't have know anyone in this area at all except for his friends, and I have only met them a few times.

@sarahsweets the place they transferred me to lat bought handles my county and the surrounding counties. I'm going to try 211 and the mobile crisis unit (I think) tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to when he's working.

You must do something about this unacceptable situation!

In the UK, we probably have to same type of help available. Shelters, refuges who can offer positive assistance. You are in physical danger if you stay. This controlling behaviour will only get worse. Whatever your nationality or religion, this is not normal.

Please let us know how you are and if you've been able to get help. We're all concerned for your safety, although we're strangers.

Thank you @poshgirl. I am so surprised and thankful for the support from everyone here.

I'm still here, and still stuck as all of the shelters in my area are full and none have an open bed. I can't take much more mentally, but I can't leave as I have nowhere to go. I am barely hanging on.

I thought about packing a bag in case they have an opening, but I will need to be smart about that and do it very discreetly, as I will be in a whole world of trouble if he realizes what that I've packed a bag. We aren't planning any trips, so I have no reason to pack a bag.

I keep trying to think of ways to be productive, but I am pretty limited at what I can do without leaving the house.