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rules28
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 12:54 AM
  #1
For some reason I have a hard time with my gf's using Facebook. I look at It as a way to judge there personality. Ive never expressed this feeling to my gf s before. All I ever said was, "wow, you have a lot of friends" or "oh, is that an ex of urs?".

I knew girls in my past who would keep posts and pictures of there old ex's on Facebook and for some reason I found that really weird. Like shouldnt they want to delete those pictures or make those pictures only visible to themself? Second thing that I find super strange is when they have a lot of friends and those friends they haven't spoken to for 5 or 6 years.

Call me old fashioned, but I only have family and friends that I actually talk to on my Facebook. And when I break up with a girl i delete there picture off of my Facebook.
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 06:30 PM
  #2
I have multiple ex’s on my Facebook from years past , are breakups were mutual , I’m also 52 so that plays a part in maturity level. My husband and I both have friends from childhood we have found through Facebook ... I seldom interact with them and I’m fine with it. We talk here and there usually when we find other old friends.

How old are you and your girlfriend?

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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 07:53 PM
  #3
I'm interested in knowing why it doesnt bother you and why you choose to keep ur exs up on ur Facebook. Is there a reason?
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 10:38 PM
  #4
I find it interesting that you have issues with what she was doing in high school and issue with what she posts online and issue with her not seeing a psychologist and some other stuff etc etc Is there some type of control that you want over her?

Or is it that she just isn’t a good match?

I encourage you to date people whom you accept without wanting to change them.

After only few months of dating you are bothered by so many things. Why date someone whom you want to change? She is an adult and she is who she is.
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 10:43 PM
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Second thing that I find super strange is when they have a lot of friends and those friends they haven't spoken to for 5 or 6 years.
I think that this is very common.

People are reluctant to unfriend someone, as that person might take offense or be hurt. Also, it takes time to manage the list of friends. Thus Facebook friends accumulate.
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 10:53 PM
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According to this Newsweek article, most of your Facebook friends aren't your real friends. And, I agree. I once had like 600 FB friends when it was first popular. Now, I have less than 100. I rarely if ever interacted with those FB friends in real life, offline. Rarely. And I felt like they only added me, to bulk up their profile so that they could look good having more than 1500 FB friends. Although, I don't hang on to people's FB profiles to prevent decay of the connection. I've blocked and deleted plenty of "fake FB friends" over time when I realized that they had no interest in a real friendship with me offline. They just wanted to waste my time FB messaging me all day long, or post funny memes on my FB wall for their entertainment. FB is weird. I belong to a bunch of artistic and creative FB groups and follow my favorite bands or other public figures. But I now only have FB friends whom I have hung out with in person. I don't care if people take offense or are hurt when I delete them. If I delete them, they already know the reason why: they had no interest in really being my friend.

Facebook Friends Are Fake Friends, Study Finds
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Default Jan 02, 2020 at 11:08 PM
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Originally Posted by rules28 View Post
I'm interested in knowing why it doesnt bother you and why you choose to keep ur exs up on ur Facebook. Is there a reason?


I think the reason we arent bothered by ex’s being on our Facebook is because they were mutual break ups, no drama. We found ex’s pthrough Facebook. My husband and I are in our 50’s and married 14 years so maybe that plays a part , we have no jealously.

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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 01:08 AM
  #8
I have old ex's and old friends on FB. So does my husband. We've been married for 33 years, and are in our late 50's. I think it is a maturity thing: maturity and confidence in self, and maturity and confidence in relationship.

We both enjoy touching base with old friends, and honestly, even old ex's (and we departed as friends mutually) are just old friends after decades.

Neither of us have hundreds and hundreds of friends on FB, but we both probably have a bit over 100 each: many of them are relatives (probably the bulk of the people we interact with most often); the next group is current friends/coworkers; and finally, those old high school and/or college friends that we just like to sort of keep up with. It isn't that we are buddies or anything, but we come from a shared background, geography, etc. and as you get older, that shared history becomes important.
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 01:13 AM
  #9
Every now and then I go through my FB friends and purge....

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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 03:57 AM
  #10
I have never been on facebook and don't intend to. I am not a fan of its design or concept. But I recognize that most other people find my position crazy.

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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 12:14 PM
  #11
Only recently opened a Facebook account, as wanted to publicise bad service received. Very careful what I post and who I accept as a friend. Most of them I don't know so don't bother.

Remember when it first started, people posting details of holidays, then coming home to find house burgled. That was enough for me, plus job I had at the time didn't encourage its use.

Sadly, a lot of people see no harm in washing their dirty linen in public!
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Default Jan 03, 2020 at 05:40 PM
  #12
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I find it interesting that you have issues with what she was doing in high school and issue with what she posts online and issue with her not seeing a psychologist and some other stuff etc etc Is there some type of control that you want over her?

Or is it that she just isn’t a good match?

I encourage you to date people whom you accept without wanting to change them.

After only few months of dating you are bothered by so many things. Why date someone whom you want to change? She is an adult and she is who she is.
I'm not bothered that she isnt seeing a psychologist. I'm understanding of her not wanting to see a psychologist because I know she might be worried about the process. It can be overwhelming to open up ur feelings to someone new.

I haven't even looked at her Facebook page because she told me that it has a lot of pictures of her ex's and I know that's going to bother me. I'm just asking if it bothers anyone else and if it doesnt, then why would it bother me?

Its definitely not a control thing because I would never tell someone to do what they didnt want to do. I would ask them, but would never make them do something. I'm more of a supporter type person in relationships. I encourage my gf to grow as a person as well as me. I also make sure that I'm not pushing them to much, it's like finding a good middle ground.

Personally, I would never bring an ex into my new relationship even if we ended well, which most of mine have. I also think that contacting old ex's is very strange to do, especially after many years have gone by. I would probably think that that person was contacting them to see if there life is better or there ex's or some kind of unconcious gain for urself? Idk. I just find it a bit weird.

Personally, I am having feelings of maybe this isnt the best person for me? It's a bit confusing to me. I really like her because she tries so hard to be a better person for herself and her work ethics is really good and so far her money saving skills are really good, she is great with kids as well. There are a few things that bother me though. She had depression, and I'm not sure if shes working on it for me or if shes working on it for herself (which I would want her to work on it for herself, not for me). Her emotional level (niceness?) seems to be only there in situations where it's easy. Idk how to really explain it. I guess I could say that if I came home after a long days work, or back hurting, or a broken foot, I would still treat everyone nicely and want to hear about there day and just let them know that I am in pain and that's why I might be a little irritable. But with her, she would just say things like, "do you like the sound of ur own voice?" Instead of saying that she has a headache. Which I find a bit strange that she couldnt say she had a headache....
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Default Jan 11, 2020 at 11:17 AM
  #13
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I belong to a bunch of artistic and creative FB groups
I hate fb. I had a page for my dj persona, but deleted it and put up just a place holder with a blank page and an auto reply on my messenger to email me.

I don't use regular fb. I had used it to get in touch with old friends at one point, but ended up that I really didn't care what they were up to and most likely vice versa. I have mostly family on my friends list and would only comment and not post. I have not been on there since before July 2019.

I am interested in what creative stuff you are into. I am a creative also and it's cool to talk about that stuff. Do you draw or paint, write?
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Default Jan 13, 2020 at 08:00 AM
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I hate fb. I had a page for my dj persona, but deleted it and put up just a place holder with a blank page and an auto reply on my messenger to email me.

I don't use regular fb. I had used it to get in touch with old friends at one point, but ended up that I really didn't care what they were up to and most likely vice versa. I have mostly family on my friends list and would only comment and not post. I have not been on there since before July 2019.

I am interested in what creative stuff you are into. I am a creative also and it's cool to talk about that stuff. Do you draw or paint, write?
I have a passive-aggressive relationship with FB It does allow me to keep in touch with my best friend who lives in Portugal, as well as relatives far flung across the globe in other countries. Otherwise, I wouldn't know they existed.

Good for you for preening your FB time down to nil. I never used to be online as much as I have been. It has its pros and cons. That's for sure.

I wrote my first story about a briefcase caper when I was in 3rd grade. On yellow legal pad paper with Crayola illustrations. And stapled.

I love to write. Forget novel prose form. Can't do it. Tried. Terrible. Short stories, and poetry and journalistic writing instead. In my late 20s and early 30s, I got freelance writing gigs for print publications. But then I had a nasty accident that interrupted that path and derailed me and I just never got back into it. But since this is a gig economy, and I'm signed up to take a free workshop later this week on how to set up a consulting business online, might as well ask the two consultants who are leading the workshop for guidance.

I'm also interested in screenwriting as well. I took a $10 intro to tv writing class online and learned a lot. The kicker I learned is that most tv writers either got their gigs through networking, or contests, or agents, or pure luck. Also, I go to the library a lot and use the books I find there with regards to writing and publishing. Who says you have to spend big bucks to learn.

I also love to paint. I used to paint in acrylics in high school and college. Not abstract but more scenic. On small canvases. Now my interest is in screen-print art. But I also like the idea of painting on canvas using stencils. When I have the money (god help me whenever that is), I plan to take an introductory course in screen-print art making, but not sure when that will be.

In college, I took a world music class and wrote and composed a piano piece that I had to perform with classmates. Three classmates and I co-wrote the song lyrics to sarcastic, bluesy song that made fun of the politician in office at the time, and we co-wrote the music; I played the piano, and the other two classmates played the Djembe and the acoustic guitar. Sometimes I think I should have fought harder to follow my passion for music and percussion (piano and drums) and go to music school etc. and all that. When I substitute taught for music teachers, I enjoyed showing music documentaries, teaching percussion rhythms with drum sticks or shakers, chants, clapping rhythms, and teaching kids how to compose their own songs using a music staff and notes.

That's cool that you mix music too. What's your style? I knew a DJ in college.
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Default Jan 15, 2020 at 09:00 PM
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I have a passive-aggressive relationship with FB It does allow me to keep in touch with my best friend who lives in Portugal, as well as relatives far flung across the globe in other countries. Otherwise, I wouldn't know they existed.

Good for you for preening your FB time down to nil. I never used to be online as much as I have been. It has its pros and cons. That's for sure.

I wrote my first story about a briefcase caper when I was in 3rd grade. On yellow legal pad paper with Crayola illustrations. And stapled.

I love to write. Forget novel prose form. Can't do it. Tried. Terrible. Short stories, and poetry and journalistic writing instead. In my late 20s and early 30s, I got freelance writing gigs for print publications. But then I had a nasty accident that interrupted that path and derailed me and I just never got back into it. But since this is a gig economy, and I'm signed up to take a free workshop later this week on how to set up a consulting business online, might as well ask the two consultants who are leading the workshop for guidance.

I'm also interested in screenwriting as well. I took a $10 intro to tv writing class online and learned a lot. The kicker I learned is that most tv writers either got their gigs through networking, or contests, or agents, or pure luck. Also, I go to the library a lot and use the books I find there with regards to writing and publishing. Who says you have to spend big bucks to learn.

I also love to paint. I used to paint in acrylics in high school and college. Not abstract but more scenic. On small canvases. Now my interest is in screen-print art. But I also like the idea of painting on canvas using stencils. When I have the money (god help me whenever that is), I plan to take an introductory course in screen-print art making, but not sure when that will be.

In college, I took a world music class and wrote and composed a piano piece that I had to perform with classmates. Three classmates and I co-wrote the song lyrics to sarcastic, bluesy song that made fun of the politician in office at the time, and we co-wrote the music; I played the piano, and the other two classmates played the Djembe and the acoustic guitar. Sometimes I think I should have fought harder to follow my passion for music and percussion (piano and drums) and go to music school etc. and all that. When I substitute taught for music teachers, I enjoyed showing music documentaries, teaching percussion rhythms with drum sticks or shakers, chants, clapping rhythms, and teaching kids how to compose their own songs using a music staff and notes.

That's cool that you mix music too. What's your style? I knew a DJ in college.
That's all cool sh** - very varied.

I will say most people in the creative industry who have made it "knew someone" or by sheer luck. It can be a cut throat world - the creative one. I know in Djing it is. Politics and undercutting.

I play breakbeats. It is not popular anymore, but I have been doing it for 20+ years now. It is just what moves me. I can't stand EDM or Dubstep or Trance - House is okay, but more the old school kind.

I was always into the more underground scene and my gigs were not at huge clubs. I don't play out anymore - I moved and lost all my connections, but I wouldn't get booked now anyways because of the music I play.

I know I sound like an old man, but - here we go - back in my day, you had to get turntables and a mixer and spend tons of money on vinyl and really understand music and your records. There were no bpm counters or sync or mp3s. When I started I couldn't afford good equipment, so I had turntables which could not hold their pitch (which is essential to djing) and I constantly had to adjust. Once I was able to afford professional turntables, it was super easy for me.

Now I have a controller and it is very easy so I am able to be a lot more creative with my mixing.

I also started producing music, but I am still sh**.

I play on a couple of online radio stations from the UK and have a podcast.

I also have a hearthis.at account where I post my mixes. I actually deleted my old page and have started fresh for the new year.

I am also an abstract acrylic painter. I have always been an artist drawing and watercolors and all. I could never really afford paint and canvas and all when I was growing up, so this is all pretty new to me as well, but I have been doing it for a couple years now and really enjoy it.

I went to college for graphic design but failed out my first year due to excessive partying.

I enlisted in the US Army as a graphic designer - I know, but it does exist - I was in with the leadership and needed a security clearance. Then I started having psychotic breaks and got out.

I had a web design business at one point, but I did not do very well - I was not very good at landing clients.

I finally went back to college as an adult and got my BS in software development.
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Default Jan 22, 2020 at 06:21 AM
  #16
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Originally Posted by rules28 View Post
For some reason I have a hard time with my gf's using Facebook. I look at It as a way to judge there personality. Ive never expressed this feeling to my gf s before. All I ever said was, "wow, you have a lot of friends" or "oh, is that an ex of urs?".

I knew girls in my past who would keep posts and pictures of there old ex's on Facebook and for some reason I found that really weird. Like shouldnt they want to delete those pictures or make those pictures only visible to themself? Second thing that I find super strange is when they have a lot of friends and those friends they haven't spoken to for 5 or 6 years.

Call me old fashioned, but I only have family and friends that I actually talk to on my Facebook. And when I break up with a girl i delete there picture off of my Facebook.
First thing first I'm not sure why you would ever judge someone based on a social media page, It's all a bunch of manufactured presentations to make them look like they're something they're not or in their best light; It's fake.

Having a lot of friends on Facebook doesn't mean someone has friends at all and you only having your family and a couple people doesn't make you any better either. I don't use any social media at all and people think that's weird and I don't think that makes me better than anyone.
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Default Jan 24, 2020 at 07:48 PM
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I think that this is very common.

People are reluctant to unfriend someone, as that person might take offense or be hurt. Also, it takes time to manage the list of friends. Thus Facebook friends accumulate.

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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 05:32 AM
  #18
I do not have any facebook friends that I wouldnt actually talk to on the phone or in person. I have had tons of HS friends request me and I always deny them.

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