Angry at my Feelings-Numb Parents

Just got done with a pretty bitter argument with my folks that erupted quicker than usual following a pile up of stressors coming from life with my parents. My parents and I have a close relationship and actually share quite a few of the same interests: music, hunting, our pets, the outdoors, etc but they have undesirable quirks that I would not tolerate in my friendships or a future romance. My dad has a quick temper, and my mother is blunt and jumps to conclusions. Both of my parents as a sad result of the jobs they just left are intolerant of my habit of needing extra space following a fight, calling such behavior “pouty”, further exacerbating stress following a conflict.

Most of my current unhappiness has come up when this online job that I love and have found perfect did not obtain enough funding to continue until sometime in the next month or two. But my woes with my folks have started before that and just became more noticeable with me not having projects with my job. Dad got upset when I lost a cross that belonged to my grandfather that his elderly mother recently gave me...Mom chastised me for getting triggered by social media posts celebrating marriage after a long time of being pressured...She also criticised my tone after I was out of a job and she talked about switching to another job when I was not ready to discuss it and got unhappy, but I was able to point out her behavior later on and draw boundaries. Last night which has left me discombobulated all started when Dad dropped a cuss bomb when our dog ran around the house, and he knows that mom and I hate swearing even though he has actively tried to reduce such words. But when I spoke up that he shouldn’t have said this word he was annoyed I brought up the topic. Then when the topic came up again this morning, once again I was degraded by being called “pouty” that I didn’t want to be around my father when he was angry. This was all resolved by agreeing that I was too confrontational with my dad when I tried to reason with him and that my dad already knew that he behaved in the two manners that deliberately make me uncomfortable.

Like I said I love my parents. They go out of their way to show their love and care. But at the same time I’m sick and tired of living with them and putting up with their crap. But I also feel trapped since the most recent counselor I saw is now 3 hours away from my current location, my parents just retired so I have to consider their finances. I am a person who loves solitude in a pair who like constant time with each other, so I would like to get my own place, which I don’t know if I can do since my job is based on grants.

Done ranting about how crappy life is at the moment. What should I do?

1. is it possible to move to my own place without a full time job?
2. Am I wrong for needing to process my feelings even though they don’t look pretty at the moment?

Dazed, it's understandable that you are getting antsy to be on your own now. You are at the age where you want to get out and fly on your own a bit and your parents probably don't understand that and are too used to telling you what to do.

You may need to find a place with a room mate and you will need some kind of income that you can depend on in order to see if you can afford to rent with a room mate. Some people that have part time jobs end up working two part time jobs until they can finally find a full time job where they can live on their own.

OpenEyes thank you so much for giving me these tips and for showing understanding that probably exceeds that of my parents at the moment. I am probably long overdue to get a place on my own but when I wanted to leave the town where I attended college I didn’t know what else to do. But I just sure hope that this phase of living with my parents is going to end sooner than later. Thankfully I think my job that’s currently online and part time will become full time sometime soon.

Your username is one of my fave songs of all time. Just sayin'.

I think you should sit down and chart out a realistic path to living out of that house as soon as you can do it. Having a roommate or two will really help you, if you can find one. Not sure if you are in Coahulia or Texas, but if the latter, Craigslist can be a good place to start searching for a maybe roommate situation.

Sending you support and understanding. Just get a plan and start chipping away at it. You can do this.

Thank you so much for the compliment! I am a huge Led Zep fan so when I first came to this forum and wanted to make a meaningful username that also sounds like my condition before getting help online. I think that band could be understanding of my mental health lol

And thank you for your thoughtful input. I am not a fan of roommates but I am at a pretty good financial standing that can accommodate my situation. I am in Texas but in the same vein of my passion for old school music I also enjoy history, and that’s what my state was called before we got our independence! Lol

It’s so nice to know someone who’s as supportive as you and Open Eyes are.

Dazed, your generation has had a hard time when it comes to making efforts to set out on your own independent from parents.

Once you figure out how to gradually find your way to becoming more independent, you begin to gradually feel better about yourself.

I guess more people are getting college educated, while also bringing them all home in hoards afterwards, so it’s good to know I’m not alone in that. My folks even though they’ve been helpful through my college years often dubbed themselves helicopter parents which I also hear is shockingly more common than in my parents’ days. Both my parents were expected to go from completely dependent to self-sufficient as soon as they were dropped off for their freshmen years.

I think that being more independent will improve my situation also. Maybe if I have more space I can take on more responsibility as many professionals are at this stage, and I won’t find myself in the middle of every single argument or harsh word that’s spoken.

Overall things have been much better for me this week. I’ve struggled with my sleep schedule partly because all of this happened and I’ve been more reticent in my interactions with my parents as my way to avoid extra conflict, but an extra talk with my mother who’s opposite in personality as my dad helped bring a different perspective. I will still probably be wary of being vulnerable with my close family members but re-evaluating my problem helped me achieve stability, since most of my pain both during the confrontation and afterwards was mainly self-inflicted, like blaming someone else for me accidentally shooting a pistol into my own foot. You guys have been very helpful!