[eclairparty98]

Hello, I hope all is well with you

I've been in my relationship for some time now. It's had a lot of ups and downs. The affection is great - passionate and intimate - except, there's one thing missing. The sex!! That is because I'm not comfortable having sex with him. At all. It's not something I want to do unless I feel pressured then I will become curious, though in hindsight these feelings are not right.

But my boyfriend really wants sex. Really, really, really wants sex.. I really don't. Not with him. But everything else is going well!! We work around not having sex and our alternatives are enough to keep us both satisfied.. But for how long?? I'm worried about the obvious. What would others Do?? I'm not at all sure what to do or what to think

[divine1966]

How old are you? When I hit menopause, my sex drive really dropped.

[Bill3]

What is wrong with sex with him?

[Puzzlemaker13]

Their is no obligation you have to meet his urges for sex if you don’t feel comfortable with him. If he loves and respects you he would want you to be comfortable and at ease. Feeling you have to do something is not love.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by divine1966

How old are you? When I hit menopause, my sex drive really dropped.

I'm 22 - it's not so much sex in general although right now it's really not on my mind and isn't something I want, not yet anyway. Also, he'll be my first and he knows that. He has been do cruel to me emotionally and so if I ever have sex with anyone for the first time, I don't want it to be with him. But I'm happy to continue things the way they are if they stay good

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What is wrong with sex with him?

Hiya Bill3 - it'll be my first time so lots of pressure. And not to mention he's got a history of being a bully. I'm not sure I could get over losing my virginity to a cruel man, particularly one who is cruel or has been cruel to me. He's been insensitive about sex in the past so everything is telling me not to do this. Other than him

[Bill3]

When you say that he really, really, really wants sex, and that he has a history of being a bully, and that he has been insensitive about sex, it makes me wonder if he is trying to bully you into having sex with him.

[divine1966]

Healthy relationship should not have ups and down. Dating cruel bullies who emotionally mistreat you might not be the best idea. Sex is the least of the problems in this relationship. Not sure why you are dating this man?

[winter4me]

divine 1966 is right.
if he is cruel and a bully nothing is "great" or OK. and if you give in to him you will regret it, sounds like he just wants to control...and if you give in, don't be surprised if he vanishes...
you may be flattered by the 'attention' but it is not OK or healthy, or safe. (?STDs?cruelty?)

[shelda]

You see him as a friend? There have been men I just could not ever have sex with...never mind kiss.I think you are not ready for sex and i think your boyfriend should lay off. If he does not then what kind of friend is he?

[bpcyclist]

If he really loves you for who you are, just the way you are, he will be happy to wait. No pressure. But if he is a bully, why are you even with him? Do you not think you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect? Because you do. Everyone does. I guess I'm just really wondering if you are with the right guy.

[eclairparty98]

Hiya Bill3, I've been wondering the same thing for quite some time now. bullying is not working otherwise his evil plan would've already worked so at least there's that! Upsides, upsides

puzzlemaker13, you're right!! There is no warmth, kindness or love in pushing or bullying anyone into doing things they're not comfortable to do especially regarding sex. I no longer feel obligated to meet his urges.

Divine1966, thank you for you divine insight you're right, this relationship may not be the best idea, I am gradually realising. winter4me you are also right, thank you for sharing - I won't be giving in any time soon.

shelda , I thought I saw him as a boyfriend, something special. It's not worked out that way bpcyclist thank you for your lovely words we all should be treated with love and dignity and respect, you're right.

Thank you all for your replies and your support it means so much to me at this time I hope you're all well and having a lovely week

[Bill3]

When he was rude and disrespectful because he waited 20 minutes for you after not texting you that he had arrived, you said that you would see if he would learn and do better; if not, you couldn’t continue seeing him.

It sounds like he has not learned.

Maybe you would benefit from having someone to help you stick to you words?

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Bill3

When he was rude and disrespectful because he waited 20 minutes for you after not texting you that he had arrived, you said that you would see if he would learn and do better; if not, you couldn’t continue seeing him.

It sounds like he has not learned.

Maybe you would benefit from having someone to help you stick to you words?

Awww, wow you remember that post!! well.. that is true, I did say that. I'm calling a relationship support charity today provided by my therapist so I'm hoping that'll help thank you again, Bill3, your support means a lot to me I hope you're having a great week

[Bill3]

Relationship support charity sounds good!

What are the pluses and minuses of staying with him?

What are the pluses and minuses of leaving him?

[MickeyCheeky]

I must agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. I don't think he's treating you right based on what you wrote. I'd suggest either Couple Counselling if he wants to go or to just leave him entirely. You're still young and you have plenty of experiences that you can make! You have to have sex when you feel comfortable doing so, ESPECIALLY if it's your first time! So please, definitely stand up for yourself because YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @eclairparty98, your Family, your Friends, your Boyfriend and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok? Treat yourself with KINDNESS and RESPECT! :love .throb:

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

Hello, I hope all is well with you

I've been in my relationship for some time now. It's had a lot of ups and downs. The affection is great - passionate and intimate - except, there's one thing missing. The sex!! That is because I'm not comfortable having sex with him. At all. It's not something I want to do unless I feel pressured then I will become curious, though in hindsight these feelings are not right.

But my boyfriend really wants sex. Really, really, really wants sex.. I really don't. Not with him. But everything else is going well!! We work around not having sex and our alternatives are enough to keep us both satisfied.. But for how long?? I'm worried about the obvious. What would others Do?? I'm not at all sure what to do or what to think

I don't know why you would be with someone who is cruel to you in the first place. You deserve better

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

Hiya Bill3 - it'll be my first time so lots of pressure. And not to mention he's got a history of being a bully. I'm not sure I could get over losing my virginity to a cruel man, particularly one who is cruel or has been cruel to me. He's been insensitive about sex in the past so everything is telling me not to do this. Other than him

next question, why are you with someone you just described as such? You just used the words "bully", cruel and insensitive in a paragraph referring to someone you call your boyfriend, why are you even with someone you would call those things?

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Relationship support charity sounds good!

What are the pluses and minuses of staying with him?

What are the pluses and minuses of leaving him?

I've made the call, a support worker will be in touch with me next week the call went really well!! I'm sure further communication with this charity will bring me lots of closure and make it easier to leave if that's what would be best

Pros of staying - cuddles.. innocent affection like that, nothing too wild like sex and I've grown an attachment to him, it's not that I'm in love but I'm used to his company now, you know? Stopping that would feel really strange.. I've been with him so long, I have feelings for him, as careless and insensitive as he can be to them

Leaving.. I'd be free of the anxiety, insecurity, stress, and sadness , all of which being a result of this relationship , once I've learned to combat these emotions.. Hopefully leaving will introduce me to a happier, brighter, promising alternative to being with him OTHERWISE why not stay?? You know

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I must agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. I don't think he's treating you right based on what you wrote. I'd suggest either Couple Counselling if he wants to go or to just leave him entirely. You're still young and you have plenty of experiences that you can make! You have to have sex when you feel comfortable doing so, ESPECIALLY if it's your first time! So please, definitely stand up for yourself because YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND RESPECTED AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @eclairparty98, your Family, your Friends, your Boyfriend and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking no matter what happens, ok? Treat yourself with KINDNESS and RESPECT! :love .throb:

Thank you Mickey , for your encouraging, kind, supportive words they mean a lot to me as do all of the wise thoughtful posts and support from everyone else you rock i hope you've had a lovely week , happy Friday for tomorrow !!