[chrysanthemum1]

hey guys, lately i’ve noticed that i might have some problems in forming relationships. i used to just blame it on astrology (my gemini venus especially haha) but i think it’s more than that? i can’t keep friendships as well.

usually, i would go on a few dates with a guy but once they start getting interested and somewhat invested in the relationship, i get scared. i don’t really know how to describe because i’ve never talked about this but it just triggers my fight or flight response. If they say they like me or they wanna date, i run away and avoid? i really don’t want to get hurt, i really don’t want to get abused. of course, i can’t really tell anyone that because the words won’t come out, i’d really like my friends and potential boyfriends or girlfriends to hear my truth and to be honest, but i physically can’t say any words?

i really love my friends and i’m interested in the people i go out with but i can’t communicate it, i can’t express any emotions. there was a time where after this slightly very traumatic event, i couldn’t feel any emotions except for maybe fear for a while so i have a little trouble expressing myself. this has been a little difficult because i want to be loved and surrounded by people i love but it only feels like i’m getting further away from them because i’m scared all the time.

please feel free to share your thoughts! i hope u guys have a nice day

[Bill3]

I have had a lot of the same feelings you express, particularly fear of intimacy. In my case, the source was growing up with an alcoholic mother who had, I believe, narcissistic personality disorder. She screamed at me a lot when I was child, mainly when I dared to seem to disagree with her, and so I learned to fear saying what I thought, to fear being even slightly assertive, and to fear having people emotionally close to me. I also learned to go along with what others were doing, to become a people pleaser.

How was your childhood?

A traumatic experience (as you mentioned) can also cause the avoidance you describe.

Therapy helped me to get past fear and avoidance and become able to be close to appropriate others, to express and receive love, and to say and do what is on my mind. I no longer have that paralyzing fear of intimacy (romantic or platonic) or of asserting myself.

Have you tried, or would you consider, seeing a therapist?

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc. I also wonder about your childhood (a parent of mine also had Narcissistic personality disorder..) and whether you are consulting a therapist or would consider this. A good therapist can be very helpful. Please keep posting