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Old 01-14-2020, 08:05 AM   #1
rdgrad15
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Default Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

Recently a friend started liking a coworker and it seemed like the coworker liked her back. But then they decided to be just friends first but she still really liked him. Then not long ago, the guy she liked started dating another coworker who she can't stand. Ever since then, she has been filled with rage and feels downright betrayed and rejected. I can understand feeling rejected, I know what it's like.

I've never been in a relationship but I've still be rejected by people who I thought were friends. But my friend is so angry to the point where that's all she talks about and even states that she is tempted to make his life, as well as her coworker's life, miserable by ignoring them and shouting at them if they even dare talk to her. She goes between being extremely angry and vindictive to being very sad.

She doesn't have bipolar, she has ADHD, but the way she's acting almost make it seem like she's bipolar or has borderline personality disorder. She's filled with absolute hate towards both of them and always says how dare he decide to date her coworker after he made it seem like he liked my friend. Yes, he probably did reject her, but they did state that they were going to be just friends so I don't think he is completely in the wrong other than possibly accidentally giving her false hope, which she claims he did. I can see how this can be perceived as rejection or betrayal, but they did agree to be just friends.

Do you think my friend is taking it too far? Do you think she's getting way angrier than necessary? Sometimes her anger almost seems way out of control and way more extreme than necessary. I wish there was a way to calm her down. Is there any suggestions to calm her down? I totally understand how she may feel hurt, but I think she is getting a little too worked up. Rejection hurts, but the reason I feel like she is getting too mad is because she did say that they decided to be just friends.

So honestly, he is free to date whoever he wants. She doesn't even want to be friends with him because she says that real friends don't do stuff like that. This is also why I think it's a bad idea to try to date coworkers. It leads to awkwardness in the workplace and she told multiple coworkers and even a couple of her managers about it and she claims that they appear to be acting distant after they tried giving her peace of mind.

I don't think she realizes how she could easily be causing more harm than good. I did tell her from now on, she shouldn't try to date coworkers but I don't think she really listened. Any reasons someone would act this way other than feeling rejected? Like I said, I totally understand the hurt, but I think being so angry all the time to the point where she won't let it go, says horrible things about them, and tells everyone else at her work about it is going a bit too far.

Even though she only has ADHD, the amount of anger and dislike she has towards others who do this makes me think something else is up that I don't know about. She does have the tendency to get extremely angry and vindictive at any perceived rejection. It's to the point where she can't let it go and everything else from appetite to sleep is affected. From what she has told me, it sounds like she is already pushing others away by how much she talks about them and gets angry. No one wants to deal with drama in the work place so it's likely they are starting to pull away. If anything, it just makes her seem very jealous even though she claims she's not anymore. She most likely still is. She needs to calm down. I am always there for her, and she knows that. But at the same time, I do wish she would calm down before she causes more harm than good.

Like I said, I totally understand how it feels to be rejected. I have been through lots of pain and rejection. But I never ever went as far as to actively seek revenge and talk about someone in such a way non-stop to the point where other people around me started to pull away. Yes, I have complained before to others, but I know when to stop and I never act in a vindictive manner. Also, one of the coworkers she goes to advice for is only 16, while my friend is 26. I think she is receiving advice from someone who is way too young and may even have an immature mindset, giving how young she is. I think that's a bit weird in my opinion, but that is just me. She should seek advice only from those closer to her age. I do feel like she may be hiding something with her extreme anger. Just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this kind of behavior and how they handled it.

Last edited by rdgrad15; 01-14-2020 at 08:21 AM..
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Old 01-14-2020, 09:20 AM   #2
Buffy01
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

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Originally Posted by rdgrad15 View Post
Recently a friend started liking a coworker and it seemed like the coworker liked her back. But then they decided to be just friends first but she still really liked him. Then not long ago, the guy she liked started dating another coworker who she can't stand. Ever since then, she has been filled with rage and feels downright betrayed and rejected. I can understand feeling rejected, I know what it's like.

I've never been in a relationship but I've still be rejected by people who I thought were friends. But my friend is so angry to the point where that's all she talks about and even states that she is tempted to make his life, as well as her coworker's life, miserable by ignoring them and shouting at them if they even dare talk to her. She goes between being extremely angry and vindictive to being very sad.

She doesn't have bipolar, she has ADHD, but the way she's acting almost make it seem like she's bipolar or has borderline personality disorder. She's filled with absolute hate towards both of them and always says how dare he decide to date her coworker after he made it seem like he liked my friend. Yes, he probably did reject her, but they did state that they were going to be just friends so I don't think he is completely in the wrong other than possibly accidentally giving her false hope, which she claims he did. I can see how this can be perceived as rejection or betrayal, but they did agree to be just friends.

Do you think my friend is taking it too far? Do you think she's getting way angrier than necessary? Sometimes her anger almost seems way out of control and way more extreme than necessary. I wish there was a way to calm her down. Is there any suggestions to calm her down? I totally understand how she may feel hurt, but I think she is getting a little too worked up. Rejection hurts, but the reason I feel like she is getting too mad is because she did say that they decided to be just friends.

So honestly, he is free to date whoever he wants. She doesn't even want to be friends with him because she says that real friends don't do stuff like that. This is also why I think it's a bad idea to try to date coworkers. It leads to awkwardness in the workplace and she told multiple coworkers and even a couple of her managers about it and she claims that they appear to be acting distant after they tried giving her peace of mind.

I don't think she realizes how she could easily be causing more harm than good. I did tell her from now on, she shouldn't try to date coworkers but I don't think she really listened. Any reasons someone would act this way other than feeling rejected? Like I said, I totally understand the hurt, but I think being so angry all the time to the point where she won't let it go, says horrible things about them, and tells everyone else at her work about it is going a bit too far.

Even though she only has ADHD, the amount of anger and dislike she has towards others who do this makes me think something else is up that I don't know about. She does have the tendency to get extremely angry and vindictive at any perceived rejection. It's to the point where she can't let it go and everything else from appetite to sleep is affected. From what she has told me, it sounds like she is already pushing others away by how much she talks about them and gets angry. No one wants to deal with drama in the work place so it's likely they are starting to pull away. If anything, it just makes her seem very jealous even though she claims she's not anymore. She most likely still is. She needs to calm down. I am always there for her, and she knows that. But at the same time, I do wish she would calm down before she causes more harm than good.

Like I said, I totally understand how it feels to be rejected. I have been through lots of pain and rejection. But I never ever went as far as to actively seek revenge and talk about someone in such a way non-stop to the point where other people around me started to pull away. Yes, I have complained before to others, but I know when to stop and I never act in a vindictive manner. Also, one of the coworkers she goes to advice for is only 16, while my friend is 26. I think she is receiving advice from someone who is way too young and may even have an immature mindset, giving how young she is. I think that's a bit weird in my opinion, but that is just me. She should seek advice only from those closer to her age. I do feel like she may be hiding something with her extreme anger. Just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this kind of behavior and how they handled it.
Yes. I have a nephew who has ADHD. Have the manager suggest a discipline action against her for her anger? Have you try explaining to her that she could be fired for her attitude or if he decided to claim harassment because of what she is doing? She might not have great communication skills and don't understand who it is she should be speaking with and how she should be speaking with.
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Old 01-14-2020, 09:32 AM   #3
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

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Yes. I have a nephew who has ADHD. Have the manager suggest a discipline action against her for her anger? Have you try explaining to her that she could be fired for her attitude or if he decided to claim harassment because of what she is doing? She might not have great communication skills and don't understand who it is she should be speaking with and how she should be speaking with.
I agree. I hear those with ADHD have anger problems and I can see that too. Her whole family is quick to anger. I did warn her that her actions could lead to her being let go or at least be disciplined. Yeah what she is doing can be perceived as unprofessional. She she thinks that anyone at work is okay to talk to. She doesnít realize that that is putting herself in jeapordy and that any manager asking if she is okay is not doing it because they are her friends. They are doing it to ensure there will be no drama in the workplace even though itís a fast food restaurant.
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Old 01-14-2020, 12:38 PM   #4
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

Your friend is having a problem with rejection. She needs to work with a therapist to find out where this comes from in her. Her choosing to lash out at these other individuals will never fix or heal what is in her that brings these resentments on. Her choosing to try and ruin or cause pain etc will just end up causing her to be rejected even more. Unfortunately, if she is a narcissist, she probably won't be receptive to actually healing instead of engaging in lashing out.
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Old 01-14-2020, 02:32 PM   #5
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

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Your friend is having a problem with rejection. She needs to work with a therapist to find out where this comes from in her. Her choosing to lash out at these other individuals will never fix or heal what is in her that brings these resentments on. Her choosing to try and ruin or cause pain etc will just end up causing her to be rejected even more. Unfortunately, if she is a narcissist, she probably won't be receptive to actually healing instead of engaging in lashing out.
I agree. I know she is not narcissistic since she doesnít have many traits of it, other than anger issues, but yeah she definitely has problems with rejection. Yes, I do too. I have been hurt so many times I basically expect it now. And it still hurts when people treat me poorly like Iím a piece of dirt. But I would never lash out and try to seek revenge on others.
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Old 01-14-2020, 03:20 PM   #6
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

((rdgrad15)) I am sorry you have experienced people that have treated you badly. People like that tend to be simple minded and tend to treat others how they feel themselves, so basically they are projecting their own issues and insecurities on you.

That is what this coworker wants to do to these individuals who she feels rejected her. She wants to project how she feels on them. As I mentioned, all that ends up doing is creating even more rejection.
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Old 01-14-2020, 04:11 PM   #7
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

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((rdgrad15)) I am sorry you have experienced people that have treated you badly. People like that tend to be simple minded and tend to treat others how they feel themselves, so basically they are projecting their own issues and insecurities on you.

That is what this coworker wants to do to these individuals who she feels rejected her. She wants to project how she feels on them. As I mentioned, all that ends up doing is creating even more rejection.
Yeah I agree. It will lead to my friend being even more rejected.
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Old 01-14-2020, 04:12 PM   #8
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

Hi rdgrad, I think your friend needs to speak to a therapist. She clearly doesn't want to listen to you give her advice about why its not a good idea to date coworkers.
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Old 01-14-2020, 04:22 PM   #9
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Hi rdgrad, I think your friend needs to speak to a therapist. She clearly doesn't want to listen to you give her advice about why its not a good idea to date coworkers.
Yeah I agree. Or listen to anyone.
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Old 01-14-2020, 04:36 PM   #10
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Default Re: Friend's extremely angry reaction to coworker dating someone else

She doesn't sound like a person who has healthy friendships either the way she vents to you about her superficial problems. I avoid those types of personalities like the plague. All they want is an audience so they can whine and hear want they want to hear. If you tell them anything different, they accuse you of being unsupportive which is the way a 3 year old toddler responds when they don't get their way. Not saying that your friend is this way but it sure comes across that way.
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