What does this sound like to you?

Not looking for a diagnosis, just opinions.

This is about my wife...

Very talkative

Talks a lot but claims she has social anxiety.
She will infiltrate a group of strangers and never stop talking.

No love

Shows no affection, sympathy, empathy or gratitude. But very quick to show and verbalize intense hate towards me. It's not only not showing, but pretty sure doesn't feel these emotions.

Never misses anything

About the only thing that she's displayed any sort of longing for is towards a food. But as far as people or places are concerned, whether it's a family member or partner (me), she never says or does anything to show that she misses them.

Always running away

Being upset in the slightest way will cause her to pack all her things and fly somewhere else. Literally.

Any argument no matter how small will get her to go absolutely beserk and immediately take out her suitcase, pack all her belongings and go to the airport to fly off somewhere. This can happen as frequently as 2 times a month. Then I'd have to look for her, literally flying to another city (countries even) to find her.

Everything is either black or white

Everything is either extremely bad or... well, mostly it's just bad. Everything is blown WAY out of proportion. If she were a lawmaker, the punishment for first degree murder and shoplifting a candy bar would be the same.
A mild problem can be the worst conceivable catastrophe.

Lashing out

It's always "you never" and "you always". It's always my fault and I am the reason she feels the way she does and what she is going through.

Never takes blame for anything

The times that she has apologized throughout our relationship I can count with one hand. She never owns up to her mistakes. She's never wrong.

Cannot be consoled

Any attempt to console will only serve to intensify the anger. The safest action is inaction - don't do or say anything. Show no facial expressions, say nothing and do nothing. It's almost like playing dead. But the problem here is that it never dies down. It just keeps intensifying. The end is always packing and leaving.

Sorry or thank you has zero effect

Saying sorry will actually makes things worst, so I never say it.
No matter how genuinely I feel and say sorry, it's "No! No! You're not!! YOU..." and then it dramatically escalates. Even when it's something minor.

Where people's hearts would cool down once you offered an apology, with her it gets her more riled up.

I can understand where a wrongdoing is so big that you'd have to show the apology rather than just verbalizing it. But sometimes the "presumed" offence is so minor that a genuine verbal apology would serve to make any person content, myself included. In this case however, no such thing. Big or small...sorry might as well mean f you from the way it's responded to.

Thank you never seems to evoke any feelings. She doesn't say it, nor does she seem to know what to do with it when she receives it.

Praising her has zero effect

If anything, I would say that it even irritates her.
It's not a motivator or a compliment.

Inability to handle any form of stress

No matter how small or how normal of a day-to-day problem it is, she will lose her mind over it.
She will lash out, turning against me like I have done something horribly wrong, when in fact I could have had absolutely nothing to do with it and in no way connected to whatever it is that's stressing her out.

Substance abuse.

Always on pain killers and sleeping pills. She eats pills like candy. Our medicine cabinet is always empty because she'll use all the medicine in it because she suddenly feels whatever it is the medicine is for.

Intense anger


Feels like dealing with a 5-year-old

Many times at the peak of the outburst, the irrationality of her behavior and the lack of control and reasoning skills feels very much like I'm dealing with a child.

Outbursts

Her outbursts of insanity had us kicked out of literally every place that we've lived in, and she's been fired from 3 jobs (probably more before I met her).

She will scream and make a scene without any reservations

The only thing you can do in this situation is to walk away because saying anything or doing anything to calm her down is only adding fuel to the fire.

Irrisponsible with money

Money, no matter how little or or how much of it she has, it will go at the same rate.
Has no concept of saving or money management. If you told her that starting from tomorrow you'd have no money and she could only survive on what money she had now for a month, she'd blow everything she had before tomorrow came.

So...what does this sound like to you?

Sound like ?!

Your in an abusive relationship plain and simple.. maybe there’s a mental illness but regardless you are allowing your self to be mentally abused.

My advice get out of the relationship ASAP.

Is there anything good about your wife?

On a serious note why are you even with such a borderline person who brings you down?

This isn't love. You need to make a safe exit plan right away. She's treated you with such disrespect in so many ways and over a long period of time. Now, you owe her nothing.

Don't plan for how she'll cope after you leave. Just go. She'll have to make the call to ask for help from a mental health team.

Honestly, I don't understand why you are still with her.

Ooooohhhhhh WOW. I agree with all of the above! This is not an emotionally stable or healthy relationship. It does seem very abusive, given what you described. She is not well. I don't know what kind of disorder she has and I cannot diagnose, but it seems like a personality disorder.... we're not equipped on here to diagnose since we're not doctors, and I see this is your first post.

I agree that you should consider leaving. She is very volatile, and while you say she will not harm you, she has threatened and that is abuse. Her blowups are abusive as well. Please take care of YOU foremost.

Can you leave? Do you have children?

Thanks all for your feedback.

Obviously I've just listed the negative things because that's the reason I am here. Believe it for not, there are positive things about her. And those positive things I feel are who is really her, and that she is being taken hostage by a mental condition which is causing all of the above. When she is in a stable mindframe, she does acknowledge it and expresses how helpless she feels.

Anyway, the point of my post was to get opinions on what type of disorder she is most likely to be suffering from based on the symptoms I've listed. I was thinking maybe someone who is going through a similar condition or knows someone who is might chime in.

No diagnosis here. Leave and get a divorce. It doesn't matter what's wrong with her.

We are not allowed to diagnose, and most of us would not be qualified to diagnose in any case. I would caution you against thinking your wife is not very dangerous when she picks up a weapon (knife or screwdriver) against you. She is indeed very dangerous at that point.

@Seapuppy, It’s admirable that you wish to help her, but that’s co-dependency on your part. You are being severely abused in this relationship yet want to fix her. She has a MOUNTAIN of problems. It’s not your job to fix her. She threatens you with a knife? I mean this in the most gentle way, but how come you’re not running out the door In the opposite direction at this stage? What will it take?

You can not force her into mental illness help. Taking a horse to water you know and all. You can request couples counseling.

Only a court order can force her into treatment.

You can tell her you WILL move out and leave her unless she immediately gets help for whatever is causing her to be hateful , mean and very abusive. She has threatened harm.., that is a big line to cross.

If you had a daughter? Sister ? Mother? Etc in this situation what would you advise them to do ??