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rdgrad15
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 10:57 AM
  #1
Is anyone so used to rejection that you expect it to happen and if you're not rejected, you are shocked? I know this is the case for me. I've been rejected so many times that I'm used to it. Depending on how I'm rejected, it may still hurt a little but there has been times where it doesn't hurt at all. I won't feel any effect from it. And there are also times where I'm in a situation and I'm not rejected, I'll be so surprised that I'll think, "Ohh, so you're not going to reject me? Okay awesome." But even then, I don't let my guard down since I know that could easily change.

I know one of the reason I'm rejected a lot is due to how I look. Not only is a facial paralysis slightly off putting but it gives off the impression that I'm autistic or special needs. I've been called both. I've had people tell me that someone thinks I'm autistic due to my looks which is totally not true and a wrong assumption. And most recently, I had a guy ask me if I was special needs to to my facial paralysis. I told him no and it was just how I was born. He left it at that and apologized if he came off as offensive but it still makes me wonder if how I look plays a big part in me being rejected all the time.

I'm sure being an introvert doesn't help either but it probably has more to do with how I look. Anyone else get rejected so much that they are used to it? Are you shocked if you're not rejected? Has there ever been a time where you decided to let your guard down a little in hopes of a change and you realized it was a big mistake? I know I've had that happen. That's why I never let my guard down. Even towards people who call me an actual friend, I expect them to eventually reject me one day. Not only that, I've seen other people get rejected so much that I question if anyone is really a genuine friend to others for very long, if at all.

It makes me wonder if most people are friends with others in order to fulfill their agenda, whatever it may be. Being rejected a lot can lower trust towards others so that's why I have trust issues and even if someone doesn't reject me right away, I still expect it to happen anyway at some point. For me, the most likely times I appear to be rejected is when a friend or even someone who I was hoping would be friends with finds someone else to hang out with and totally forgets about me and may even treat me like I don't exist. In my opinion, that's a sign they didn't see you as a friend in the first place, no matter how much they may say they are.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 12:18 PM
  #2
I don't think it's so much rejection as it is fear that you are dealing with. People can struggle if they come across a person that has a facial problem that interferes with that person's ability to exhibit facial expressions that so many people get signals from. It can a challenge for someone when it comes to interact with someone with face challenges in that they don't want to disrespect that person and may not quite know what to focus on that won't cause the individual to feel uncomfortable that has the facial challenge.

I had a customer come out to my farm and he was a nice man on the phone and when I met him he had a big patch on one of his eyes. When I looked at him in conversation I did not want him to feel uncomfortable and I did my best to focus on the side of his face where I could focus on his good eye and go along with his emotional expressions. If I had time to get used to interacting with him to a point where I had time to get used to the patch, I would have found a way to feel more comfortable. That's me, not him and it's not rejection on my part either, it's simply more learning to adjust myself to seeing him to where the patch isn't a distration at all.
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Default Jan 20, 2020 at 12:31 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I don't think it's so much rejection as it is fear that you are dealing with. People can struggle if they come across a person that has a facial problem that interferes with that person's ability to exhibit facial expressions that so many people get signals from. It can a challenge for someone when it comes to interact with someone with face challenges in that they don't want to disrespect that person and may not quite know what to focus on that won't cause the individual to feel uncomfortable that has the facial challenge.

I had a customer come out to my farm and he was a nice man on the phone and when I met him he had a big patch on one of his eyes. When I looked at him in conversation I did not want him to feel uncomfortable and I did my best to focus on the side of his face where I could focus on his good eye and go along with his emotional expressions. If I had time to get used to interacting with him to a point where I had time to get used to the patch, I would have found a way to feel more comfortable. That's me, not him and it's not rejection on my part either, it's simply more learning to adjust myself to seeing him to where the patch isn't a distration at all.
I can see where you're coming from. Makes sense, yeah fear can be involved too.
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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 02:04 AM
  #4
Hi there I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to this. I wasn't born with any official facial paralysis but when I become social anxious in public I feel as if my face muscles become rigid and fixed which escalates more panic because I realize I look akward but then this panic just ends up in more fear and more facial paralysis.... i heat people say I look wired, they think it's all a willful act for attention whereas the reality is that I can't help it sometimes...

I can read peoples energy levels sometimes I can tell that someone is genuinely interested in hanging out and other time that they are being g polite and are scared of me...it's frustrating because when people are scared of me it really hurts emotionally, sometimes I dwell on this more than I should... ultimately I think I can only control myself and that I have to learn to deal with rejection.
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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 02:34 PM
  #5
I can only speak for the United States and Australia here, but in these places, the first and, in many cases, primary thing people judge us on is our outward appearance. I know this because my job often involved dealing with people who wanted to change their appearance, for a variety of reasons. We could have a giant discussion about the role of sales and marketing campaigns, the fashion industry with its ridiculous presentation of 21 year-old women with 0% body fat who are 6' tall as an "average" woman, but really, it is impossible to stop the overwhelming force of these companies and their thirst for sales.

If we didn't have this crap constantly thrown at us, I think people would be a lot less judgemental about outward appearance. Those people, the ones who want us to look perfect, they aren't worth the time of day, in my opinion. What matters is what is in our hearts.

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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 03:25 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by quietsoul77 View Post
Hi there I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to this. I wasn't born with any official facial paralysis but when I become social anxious in public I feel as if my face muscles become rigid and fixed which escalates more panic because I realize I look akward but then this panic just ends up in more fear and more facial paralysis.... i heat people say I look wired, they think it's all a willful act for attention whereas the reality is that I can't help it sometimes...

I can read peoples energy levels sometimes I can tell that someone is genuinely interested in hanging out and other time that they are being g polite and are scared of me...it's frustrating because when people are scared of me it really hurts emotionally, sometimes I dwell on this more than I should... ultimately I think I can only control myself and that I have to learn to deal with rejection.
I agree. It can hard. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Yeah I can tell if someone genuinely likes me and when they are just being polite. I think it is easy to tell.
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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 03:27 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
I can only speak for the United States and Australia here, but in these places, the first and, in many cases, primary thing people judge us on is our outward appearance. I know this because my job often involved dealing with people who wanted to change their appearance, for a variety of reasons. We could have a giant discussion about the role of sales and marketing campaigns, the fashion industry with its ridiculous presentation of 21 year-old women with 0% body fat who are 6' tall as an "average" woman, but really, it is impossible to stop the overwhelming force of these companies and their thirst for sales.

If we didn't have this crap constantly thrown at us, I think people would be a lot less judgemental about outward appearance. Those people, the ones who want us to look perfect, they aren't worth the time of day, in my opinion. What matters is what is in our hearts.
Yeah I agree, people make first impressions of others by appearance. Shouldn’t be that way but it is.
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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 03:34 PM
  #8
People do often first judge on appearance. In my case, I believe I am on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum. Although I function fairly well and am "book smart" I do have a hard time reading people and behaving "appropriately" in social situations. I think that can turn people off and cause them to reject me.
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Default Jan 25, 2020 at 04:30 PM
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People do often first judge on appearance. In my case, I believe I am on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum. Although I function fairly well and am "book smart" I do have a hard time reading people and behaving "appropriately" in social situations. I think that can turn people off and cause them to reject me.
Yeah unfortunately it can turn people off but I know you don’t mean it. I work with autistic high school students and I had a couple friends at my college that had high functioning autism and they never meant to come off as inappropriate. To them, something we see as weird may be normal to them and vise versa. I’m sorry you deal with rejection.
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