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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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Jan 23, 2020 at 12:02 AM
#21
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 Purple,Violet,Blue
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 Have Hope, ~Christina
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,087
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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Jan 23, 2020 at 06:40 AM
#22
Quote:
In addition to that, once I wrote out ALL things that an ex did that meant I shouldn't be with him -- everything he did that upset me, that disappointed me, that made me feel like I should walk away -- and I carried that list around with me in my wallet and referred to it each time I thought I would go back. It worked. I even wrote down all the times he called me nasty names, and included the nasty words in my list of negatives. You have labelled this man as a sociopath and a narcissist. I am wondering if you personally feel defeated by walking away from him? Like YOU lost the battle? As though YOU somehow couldn't make it work? Do you feel responsible for making this relationship work? It seems you carry that on your shoulders. Remember that it's HIM. He is an alcoholic and a narcissist. You cannot change those things. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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| Bill3, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Bill3
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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Jan 23, 2020 at 06:52 AM
#23
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| Bill3, Have Hope, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,087
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
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Jan 23, 2020 at 07:12 AM
#24
Quote:
You cannot change this person. I think you took it upon yourself to change and mold him into what you needed and wanted. That doesn't work -- not ever. And we cannot take ALL the responsibility of a relationship on our shoulders. It's not YOU that needs to make this relationship work. He failed to step up to the plate to give you what you needed and wanted the most. He is who he is, and that will never change. Know this. Don't keep going back trying to mold him into someone he is not. Please absorb what I am saying, and carry these thoughts around with you. It's NOT your fault. It's NOT your responsibility. HE is not your responsibility. 
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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| Purple,Violet,Blue
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,369
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Jan 23, 2020 at 07:46 AM
#25
You didn’t fail. It’s not your job to make him a better person. He failed himself. Now you can focus on yourself and your son and not failing you and him. This guy is an adult and can take care of his own life and business. You can do it
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| Purple,Violet,Blue
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Bill3
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 264
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Jan 23, 2020 at 03:48 PM
#26
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| Bill3, Have Hope, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,087
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,626 hugs
given
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Jan 23, 2020 at 06:18 PM
#27
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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| Purple,Violet,Blue
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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