Hated because of their insecurity

First of all, I really want to say that I'm grateful and fortunate to have all of the things I have right now and I have no intention to brag whatsoever.

For the past 4 years in college, I've been that girl people think as good-looking, smart, talented, brave, and maybe a little ambitious. I get good grades and I have lots of activities and hobbies besides campus, and I have quite a bunch of acquaintances. I'm mostly cheerful, playful, and I'm actually quite quirky and I'm not really afraid to look 'ugly' in some cases, I just don't like the idea of looking like an arrogant person. Because I hate them. And i stand in my ground, not easily influenced by others (because I'm actually very insecure opening up with other people).

The thing is, I just can't seem to fit in anywhere. I have no idea what belong to a group means. I'm not feminine but I'm not really 'one of the guys', but I'm also not the popular girl type (and tbh I'm scared of them, a little bit inferior because of my bullied past), but not really the nice girl-next-door type (I drink and go to parties a lot).

Some guys blurt out that I'm just a trophy wife, a decoration, and so on. Girls on the other hand, no matter how hard I try to befriend them usually end up ditching me with their other drama friends / they just simply don't wanna be with me anymore because they say they feel insecure.. Some of them even bullied me.

I'm just saying that I'm lonely, and for the past years people ditch me without saying a word, it hurts so much. I was left feeling like I'm not enough, there's something wrong deep down with who I am, and so on. I have no idea how to handle all of this except setting barriers with other people so I won't get hurt.

Have you ever had a similar experience? How do you handle that?

That happened to me awhile back.

I wish I had some insight, but in my case "luck" had a lot to do with both the problem and the solution.

People have told me that sometimes it helps to increase the number of one's acquaintances to give "luck" a helping hand.

Other people have told me that changing venues can sometimes help. So if meeting people in schools and libraries isn't helping, one could try bars and nightclubs. If that doesn't help one can try volunteering in various organizations and so on. I guess the idea behind this is to bring in more acquaintances and more different kinds of acquaintances.

To be honest, my problem was solved just through luck and I have never tried these techniques. I hope you get lots of responses to your post and that some are really helpful. It can be very stressful and painful to not fit in anywhere.

I guess I am wondering if possibly talking to a therapist could maybe help offer some insights for you that might prove useful.

I noticed your other post and I also wonder if talking to a therapist might be helpful.

.. so I took a peek at your other thread, too.

Maybe I'm not understanding your post title. Are you saying you're hated because these people have their own insecurities and ditch you because you're attractive, smart, talented, and ambitious? I'm going to assume yes and respond with that frame of mind..

Is it possible these people are distancing themselves from you because of what you're subconsciously projecting out? You've mentioned you're socially insecure, and that may likely show.

If you're faking it in order to have "friends" and not feel lonely, then it'll show.. if not right away, eventually. If you're socially anxious, it'll show, too. My guess is, your own behaviours around your own insecurities and anxieties is what's making people uncomfortable around you.. and they may not even know why.

We can have all the beauty, brains, and talent in the world.. but if we lack social skills or the ability to connect with others, we will continue to struggle in life.

We're not just talking about friends, here, either. Our careers bank on our ability to connect. Those are the people who aren't as beautiful, intelligent, or talented.. who get the career advances, pay raises, and credits.. because they possess the skill to "sell".

It sounds like you have a lot of positives going on for you, judging by this post. Be proud of those and stay strong. I'm not a therapist and I may be on the wrong track here.. but my advice to you is to sort through your disconnectedness. I personally doubt people are disappearing from your life because they're jealous.

Try and dig deeper. You have a whole world ahead of you.

@Chocopiano27, many women are jealous and insecure around other women who are attractive and who have all your traits and characteristics. Women can be very petty and small with one another, and they can gang up on other women together that they are envious of. My take on this is that they are simply just envious of you and feel threatened by you.

I would stand tall and be confident in who are you are. There are others you will click with who will not feel threatened by you.

I agree that therapy could help you to sort all this out.

We all belong somewhere. These people are just not your "tribe" but that doesn't mean you don't belong anywhere.

My whole life has been like that & I am now 67. No one ever bullied me because I was a strong enough individual that no 9ne bothered me. Even now, I have so many different interests I am involved with & each one has different people involved. It was like that growing up too & yes, I was always the one with good grades too. Enjoyed music performing (flute) & also enjoyed my computer design engineering career, loved to compete playing racquetball & winter sports.

I have always been satisfied being the individual I am. If people hated me for that, it was their issue & I never let it bother me & I never had anything to do with them. I seriously ONLY connect with down to earth people. It has worked all these years even when I had insecurities.

Did you have a relationship where your SO made you feel this way by telling you things about other women?

Be yourself and do what is you. Always. If people do not love you for you, then they arent worth having around.