Arguing in relationships - what's normal?

TishaBuv · Feb 04, 2020 at 02:29 PM

If you like to argue in order to be right, that would mean your opponent would be wrong. Who likes to be wrong all the time?

My husband said to me yesterday, “You just want to fight with everybody.”

i really didn’t think that was true. I just want them to treat me with love. They don’t. It angers me. I tell them off. Now I want to isolate, too.

I’ve had relationships in the past where we got into a flirty, play fight that got us both hot and led to great sex. I like that kind of fighting. It never got mean. It was just saucy.

What kinds of things do you find yourself fighting about? Why does the other person not agree with you and argues with you?

Feb 04, 2020 at 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If you like to argue in order to be right

No, that isn't the point at all. I don't even mind losing as long as the fight was entertaining enough and I learned something from it.

TishaBuv · Feb 04, 2020 at 03:39 PM

You’re not that alone then. I like that, too. My FOO is like that. We debate. It makes for animated, interesting conversation. We don’t get mean with personal attacks.

Feb 05, 2020 at 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You’re not that alone then. I like that, too. My FOO is like that. We debate. It makes for animated, interesting conversation. We don’t get mean with personal attacks.

Oh yeah, I know I'm not alone. I've met quite a few people who are almost always down for a good fight, and I get on rather well with them. Usually.

I just wanted to know if it was normal, and if it isn't, how normal people tend to react to such hostile interactions.

TishaBuv · Feb 05, 2020 at 03:32 PM

“ how normal people tend to react to such hostile interactions” — I assume there are only a small percentage of people looking for a hostile fight. Most people will avoid it. They deal with it when they need to. They don’t enjoy it.

Haven’t you observed that for yourself? Do you agree with me, based on your environment? You may be in a world where lots of people around you like a good, nasty fight.

I suppose in my environment, people do fight for power, and often like to act like they are the smartest in the room. But it’s subtle. I’ve rarely seen outright hostile and nasty.

I’ve had some hostile altercations. I sure didn’t want it to go that way, but when it did I held my ground. I try to soften the hostility and find something to agree upon, but sometimes the other person wants to battle and there’s no making peace.

divine1966 · Feb 05, 2020 at 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

So normal folk don't like to argue. Got it.

I'm just going to avoid people.

I am not sure what’s normal.

I’d say lots of people probably do like to argue, otherwise you’d never get anyone to argue with you.

mote.of.soul · Feb 06, 2020 at 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

Ahaha. Belligerent asshole is my normal.

I think it's best I just try to keep my distance from people.

No, come on. You're probably a pretty nice guy in real life but it's just the arguing where things go a bit haywire. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Feb 09, 2020 at 01:22 PM

Apologies for the delayed response. I had things to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Haven’t you observed that for yourself? Do you agree with me, based on your environment?

Yeah, I notice when people are getting uncomfortable, and I'm capable of pulling back somewhat. But it'd be interesting to know their perspective, or why they get so uncomfortable.

For example, I have two friends, one of whom is much more domineering, whereas the other is quite passive. The more domineering one pretty much steamrolls over the other such that she's now pressured her into living a lifestyle that has put her into financial debt, yet the passive friend still won't stand up for herself. I don't understand that. I'd like to, partially so that I could offer her some advice which might actually stick, or just in general because I'm curious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I’d say lots of people probably do like to argue, otherwise you’d never get anyone to argue with you.

I've been told on several occasions by various people in my life that they refuse to argue with me anymore because it distresses them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

No, come on. You're probably a pretty nice guy in real life but it's just the arguing where things go a bit haywire. Don't be so hard on yourself.

No no. I'm an asshole. It's important we not deceive ourselves.

divine1966 · Feb 12, 2020 at 09:40 PM

[QUOTE=theoretical;
I've been told on several occasions by various people in my life that they refuse to argue with me anymore because it distresses them.

.[/QUOTE]

That makes sense.

I am just saying there must be people out there who do like to argue otherwise you’d not find anyone to argue with. People either find it distressing or not interesting for them so they don’t want to argue, but some people might enjoy it like you do.

Some couples actually like drama and seek conflict. I find concept of make up sex ridiculous but it seems to be somewhat common?

You just have to find like minded lovers of a fight lol there are out there. I’d not worry about what’s normal in a relationship but just focus on finding right match. That would be “your normal”.

I’d warn against raising children in argumentative household as it’s not healthy for kids but two or however many consenting adults could fight to their heart content!

mote.of.soul · Feb 12, 2020 at 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

No no. I'm an asshole. It's important we not deceive ourselves.

Well, we're all a-holes brother, in one way or another. I just think try to be nice - and that takes effort, work, - but accept in your fellow man b.s., just as you accept it in yourself. Grow is my main message.

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TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,186 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,869 hugs given	Feb 04, 2020 at 03:39 PM #23 You’re not that alone then. I like that, too. My FOO is like that. We debate. It makes for animated, interesting conversation. We don’t get mean with personal attacks. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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