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Be Still
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#1
I have a crush on this guy who is muslim and I am christian. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen or been in an interfaith relationship and do they work or is it just a recipe for confusion. I am devoted to my faith and I don’t want to compromise myself. I also know that God is Love. I just don’t want to be confused or feel guilty/ashamed about it anymore. Is it worth it?
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lizardlady
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#2
Be still, my in laws were of different religions, though both were Christian. It worked for them.
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#3
I think it really depends on where you differ.
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But I also know that monotheism tends to be dogmatic and evangelical. It's a lot harder for competing monotheists to have a relationship than competing polytheists, because they tend to see "true" and "false" gods and religions that polytheistic systems don't normally have. I see that tear even Christian relationships apart when they're different denominations, like Baptist and Catholic. So I think it really depends on the religions and the individuals adhering to them. Last edited by FooZe; Feb 19, 2020 at 01:39 AM.. Reason: added trigger tags |
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#4
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Be Still
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#5
Thank you @feb2020 it makes a lot of sense where the conflict may come from (we have competing monotheistic views). I also see the division sometimes between Christian denominations. I didn’t think I would mind that he has his own god but I think long term and maybe families and children involved?? It also becomes tied to culture. I feel like I’ve opened pandora’s box and I just want to close it.
@HaveHope I feel like I need to water down what I believe, almost make it as secular and non-offensive/political as I can. Almost stay at the level of “God is love”. But I feel like I’m suppressing a big part of me. He says if we have children they will be Religion-free until 17 years old! I asked him how that would look like for example and he couldn’t give me an answer. So I think he is also confused about how to tackle it. |
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#6
Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of inter-faith relationships plus a link to DocJohn's article on how to know that you're with the right person:
The Emotional Challenges of Interfaith Marriage 7 Ways To Make Interfaith Relationships Work Interfaith Relationships During The Holidays 6 Tips to a Joyous and Peaceful Interfaith Holiday Season How Do You Know that You're with the Right Person? __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#7
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Be Still, feb2020user, Twilight1227
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#8
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um as for the specific religions you mention they both have their good sides and bad sides. the best way to make the two work together successfully is by doing your research and being fully informed. before entering into any muslem Christian relationship you might want to read the book Not With Out My Daughter by Betty Mahmoody it details one woman's struggles after marrying into a Christian - muslem relationship. its based on a true story and details what her inter faith marriage was like, and much more. this way at least you can make your decisions while being fully informed of what to expect and what it will be like should you go ahead with this relationship. |
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#9
I think if you marry him and have children, yet bring the children up religion free, what happens to your own beliefs and religion? Do you suppress that even further for the sake of the kids? How do you practice your own beliefs in that kind of relationship dynamic? It seems like you would disappear and disintegrate a large and important part of yourself for the sake of this relationship. To me, that's unhealthy.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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#10
Thank you for the comments friends ♥️ And for the articles and book recommendations!
Thank you @HaveHope I feel a huge sense of relief. Even though like @Amanda said a relationship can work as long as the two individuals are willing committed participants, I think our foundations are built differently. I respect him so much and besides beliefs he is a very sweet person but I haven’t met his family or his friends, or his community and I know it’s just going to overwhelm me (especially because I’m a woman marrying a Muslim man so they are inclined to assume stronger authority about how we end up living). |
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Twilight1227
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#11
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Be Still
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#12
That’s a sticky one! I think for me when I started thinking about starting a family that’s when our faiths started becoming a sticky point in my mind. Do you see yourself marrying him?
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#13
Are you serious with this person to the point of you being able to see having kids with him in the future?
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#14
For me, it wouldn't work. My faith is too closely tied to who I am. I'm sure there are examples on both sides of the issue where it worked or where it failed. Just I know for me personally, it wouldn't work. Best of luck to you. Kit
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#15
If you plan on having children its important to decide religious issues before you get married and have them.
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Be Still
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#16
Thank you @sarahsweets ♥️ At this point I honestly cannot see myself marrying him. I’m in my mid 20s so I don’t want to be in a relationship that may possibly end the way I’m picturing it. We are not committed yet to each other, so I have time to call whatever this is quits!
I never knew someone’s beliefs would mean so much to me. I always thought it’s just personality and having similar interests. But I’m also tired of having shallow connections with people. I’ve never been in a deeply connected relationship. Maybe that’s why things like belief are starting to pop up? |
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#17
I am a Christian and my fiance is a atheist and he is cutting down God to me every day, Trying to make me feel bad, Sometimes I wonder if he is trying to lose my faith, But no matter what, I keep strong, I am not even allowed to mention God in his presence because he does not want to hear about it
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#18
What ever my fiance does not agree with He is always right and I am always wrong, I want to leave him at times, But something keeps me holding on, He can be very sweet but he argues with me at least once a day, I cant take the arguing anymore its driving me crazy, I think he is a abuser emotionally and dont know what to do, Sorry I brought this up it didnt have to do with the subject at hand
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Be Still
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#19
Atleast you’re not married yet. You have time to assess the relationship. I hope you stay strong and remember what you deserve ❤️
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#20
It depends on if you plan on having children. I am Jewish and my husband is Christian. We are happily married so it’s clearly not an issue. But we are not having kids together. (We do have kids from first marriages).
Prior marrying my husband I had a long term significant other we lived together with and he is Muslim. Again no faith issues but again we had no kids together. I’d not be in inter faith relationship if I planned having kids with the person unless they’d be ok with me raising kids Jewish as it’s important for me. So for me it boils down to raising children. If you potentially thinking of raising children with this person then I think it might be an issue. If not, I personaly am ok with being in inter faith marriage. We try to incorporate both our traditions into our lives |
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