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birdcrazy
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 05:46 AM
  #1
I found out there is a term for this, oversharing, that is giving out way too many personal details after barely meeting a person...

I do it badly, but now I have a new friend and I'm understanding how bad it is because HE does it, saying things to me way to personal.... I now understand why he has a hard time making friends and me too!!!

What is good advice for people like us? I'm his friend now because we have similar personalities but yeah...

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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 06:03 AM
  #2
It's OK if you have someone you can do it with comfortably...
But, yeah, I've done it too many times (and can hear myself and not be able to shut up, or sometimes I am hypomanic and it seems fine in the moment, awful later)---
it's like a switch gets flipped.
Advice might be good.....I seem to have periods of time during which I do this and times when I don't.

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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 01:32 PM
  #3
Yeah, I think just be mindful if whether you are feeling kind of up on that day, as that may put you at risk of an overshare or two.

The other thing to keep in mind is that in some of these situations you may be sharing perfectly appropriately but your audience may lack empathy or caring. I find this a lot. There are just a lot of jerks out there among the normal-person population. Forget about them. They are not worth your time.

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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 01:38 PM
  #4
I think it’s hard to find a balance. If you don’t share anything it’s hard to form connections with others. If you share too much you run the risk of running them off.
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 06:41 PM
  #5
We both run people off...

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Default Feb 06, 2020 at 06:45 AM
  #6
What this means is you're both trying to establish emotional closeness and emotional intimacy by sharing so much too soon. It seems like you really want a connection with people; therefore, you overshare to establish a deeper connection.

Be mindful that friendships take a while to establish. It's a process, a natural and slower process, of getting to know one another over time. If you share too much too soon, it does freak people out. They don't want to know all your problems right off the bat because then it creates pressure on the person to maybe help you.

So take it slowly and share things more naturally over time. That's how you establish friendships.

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Default Feb 07, 2020 at 01:42 PM
  #7
I agree with Have Hope, I believe you and your friends intentions are pure when you overshare but it may come from a deep need to be loved, to be liked by others and to show yourself as authentic and open as possible.

But you really don’t have to prove your awesomeness to anyone immediately. In fact I’d play it very casual for a while so I can see the other persons intentions for this new friendship. When you are speaking so much, you don’t give them a chance to speak about who they are and what they expect from the encounter. So protect what’s in your heart until you are sure that you are sharing with someone that has the same values and sincerity as you. Anyone else doesn’t deserve to know anything past what your favorite series are, how many siblings you have and maaaaybe what your relationship status is 😊
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Default Feb 07, 2020 at 09:34 PM
  #8
I think this so-called oversharing is basically fine - it's just talking really, sharing. But obviously not everyone will be into that, and that's okay as well. To me, it's all about just finding people who can accept you the way you are.
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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 07:38 AM
  #9
This was interesting to me as I have a friend who often over shares, I on the other hand am often described as circumspect.

What I would like to say is that it won't necessarily run people off, I still like my friend, but for me it can be exhausting sometimes it's quite full on. On the other hand some people it may chase off, I'm inclined to agree with mote that maybe those people weren't right for you.

A couple of things that may or may not be helpful. Try experimenting with listening, not just hearing, but really listening hard to the other person, be curious about them, being a better listener is something many of us could benefit from.

Also how about making a goal of the conversation to keep it on fun topics, obviously not always, but certainly at first, so maybe music, film, sport etc, safe topics you can't over share on.

Lastly, I think it's good you recognise it in yourself, maybe if you feel it is safe to do so you could confide in the other person "Excuse me, I tend to over share sometimes " if you catch yourself doing it. My friend does this and it is helpful for us both.

Good luck!
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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 09:31 AM
  #10
There is a word for it but its not as "kind" as oversharing. Im speaking about what the other person is probably thinking. I have the same problem. I think I do it to try and get a conversation going. Most of the people I know basically NEVER share at all , especially their "true" feelings or take on most subjects.
I starve for a real conversation since my real life friends and family are not many. I wish many times that I could be like them and not talk about anything,
( at least anything real ). I'm actually practicing how to just shut up.
I AM a good listener ( believe it or not ! ). Im assuming "oversharing" in the personal sense ? Like blurting out too much private information ? Sometimes being too honest with the wrong person can get you into a jam ! Trust is a hard thing to determine. Anyhow......see ! I think I just overshared

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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 01:20 PM
  #11
I overshared with a friend a couple weeks ago, and she hasn't written back. People have their limits of what they want to hear and can deal with hearing.

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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 04:03 PM
  #12
See, I'm on the autism spectrum and I have a hard time telling if a guy likes me too. I lost my husband to death not long ago, but I'm finding myself attracted to this guy (he happens to be my uncle's roommate, but me and him are only three years off in age). And he keeps telling me in text messages he wants me to visit all the time, stares at me when I'm around, cracks jokes, etc... But he's told me things that are just TMI and I've told him things too... Yeah.... But overall I enjoy his company at least.

Problem is I know he's actively looking for a girlfriend cause he said so, but my husband just passed and it's just possibly too soon...

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Default Feb 08, 2020 at 07:09 PM
  #13
I am so sorry you lost your husband. How awful. (((hugs)))) You probably need more time to truly grieve the loss. Some people can be a comfort to us during a grieving period .but just know that your outlook and viewpoint on this man may be terribly skewed and colored because of your immense loss. And since he wants a real relationship, I would tread carefully with his heart and feelings. I would be completely upfront with him that you may not be in the best place for a relationship. Also, if it feels like TMI, then perhaps he's crossing a comfort boundary for you? When it feels like too much too soon, it usually is. He may be rushing into a relationship with you. I would caution you to be careful.

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 06:51 AM
  #14
Oh, I need to add: I think I should nickname him Mr. Stim because he has so many stereotyped movements and he constantly does them I'm guessing Autism, ADHD or maybe tourettes.... (Arm flapping, hair twirling, rub hands together, spinning in spinny chair)

He's like me too... My uncle joked we have the same personality in different bodies but two people way alike really makes a good relationship?

If it's true were both autism spectrum would that even make a good friendship even???

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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 11:50 AM
  #15
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Originally Posted by birdcrazy View Post
Oh, I need to add: I think I should nickname him Mr. Stim because he has so many stereotyped movements and he constantly does them I'm guessing Autism, ADHD or maybe tourettes.... (Arm flapping, hair twirling, rub hands together, spinning in spinny chair)

He's like me too... My uncle joked we have the same personality in different bodies but two people way alike really makes a good relationship?

If it's true were both autism spectrum would that even make a good friendship even???
Possibly you may understand each other if you are both ASD, I think it's certainly possible for you to have a friendship or even more. Lots of variables are at play in any relationship and everyone is different even if both are ASD, there are no guarantees.

After reading you are recently widowed I wonder if you may still be vulnerable and grieving for your husband. It's definitely good advice to take your time and not be rushed.
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 01:13 PM
  #16
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdcrazy View Post
I found out there is a term for this, oversharing, that is giving out way too many personal details after barely meeting a person...

I do it badly, but now I have a new friend and I'm understanding how bad it is because HE does it, saying things to me way to personal.... I now understand why he has a hard time making friends and me too!!!

What is good advice for people like us? I'm his friend now because we have similar personalities but yeah...
I understand how you feel. I do the same thing myself. I wish I knew the answer.
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