I am my own worst enemy in my thoughts.

I am dating a girl who is suffering From PTSD from her recent divorce and house fire who recently underwent an alchohol detox and is now in a women’s wellness center for the month outpatient program. For the past 8 months we have been dating while she was finalizing her divorce. We have had such an amazing spiritual, emotional and sexual connection. Have fallen in Love. For the past month she has been pushing me away, blaming it on alchohol and stress, but after admitting her fears and feelings to herself doesn’t want to push me away and doesn’t want space... now she is in the women’s wellness center and her therapist has made her sign many forms, one being an agreement to not be in an intimate relationship, told her that I was a crutch and an addiction to her as she has not dealt with her previous relationship/marriage which is causing her PTSD. She was told we are to not see each other or communicate in any way while she is in her treatment. Only to spend time with other women in the program or female support system/ female friends. Deep down, I know she knows I love her and am 100% there for her in anyways possible, but this is a hard time to not know what is going on, not be able to be there for her or even know what she needs or is going through, or if a therapist should be denying us from having contact. Any advice from anyone that has had a similar situation, or a therapist that has given similar treatment?
Thank you for anyone that has some time to share some advice for me. Johnny

Johnny--

It is very difficult to try to keep an intimate relationship going under these circumstances. Your GF does, in fact, need space right now. She needs to focus on her recovery. She is of no use to anyone else if she cannot take care of herself.

I would urge you to try to do the hard thing and step back a bit from this situation. Do not even think about trying to force your way into some kind of regular contact with her. It's hard, but this is where she is. If you really love her, not because you want to control her or own her, but becuase you lover her unconditionally, you will give her that room to try to heal.

Giving you strength and support!! You can do this!!

I agree with bpcyclist. Also, when someone is trying to get sober and recover from ptsd as well, that person should not be involved in any relationship other than focusing on her healing and recovery. What she has been advised is standard and what is recommended from specialists she is seeking treatment from. Just so you understand when someone is involved in learning how to stay sober they are advised not to have any relationship for at least one year. This girl you are sharing about has an additional challenge with the ptsd so the girl you have fallen for is not a person standing on their own two feet and she is going to go through some changes and she does need to learn how to stand on her own two feet. She has probably been expected to be a codependent as well so she will need to learn how to identify these habits and instead learn how to do healthy SELF CARE first.

I am sorry this leaves you in such a confused state. Yet, this girl WILL need a lot of time and help and YOU can not change that and will have to wait and she will be needing a lot of time to recover before she can have a relationship, she will be learning this herself. She is very lost right now and in no position to be in ANY romantic relationship with anyone.

Thank you cyclist and open eyes. I know she needs space, but all I have read is saying that after treatment, a strong support system is needed, I have read all kinds of information now and am learning a lot about it. So I can not just turn my back and walk away... or should I just move on? I love this women all the way!!!

I know how hard this must be because I'm sure you care about her and want to make sure she's okay, but I agree with bpcyclist and Open Eyes 100%. She needs time and space to heal on her own. Not only will it be healthy for her, but it will be healthier for your relationship when she is ready.

Best wishes to both of you!

If you don't mind my asking, how old is this girl and how old are you?

I am almost 40, she is 43....?

Does she have children John?

Sent u a pm. OE

@JohnnyB0913, I agree with the others. She will need a long time to recover. She also may relapse, which can frequently happen after a detox. She will struggle with this for the rest of her life since she's an alcoholic. Many remain sober, but need to attend AA meetings, sometimes every night and sometimes a few times a week. It is true that addicts may cling to a romantic partner as a crutch during their addiction. She does need to learn how to stand on her own two feet, to be sober for at least one year and to recover without a relationship. If you were involved, it would be an unhealthy relationship. I know you love her immensely, but since you love her, you should do what's truly best for her. I can imagine how difficult that will be for you, but it's what's best for her. You cannot save someone... that person must save themselves and learn how to cope in life without any crutches, including a relationship and alcohol.

If I have to be honest, I have never heard of someone signing up a contract that doesn't allow you to have any intimate relationships. Is that even legal? In any case, I agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. She will need time to heal so just let it be for a while. As for whether you want to wait for her or not, it is your decision. I am not sure how long it will take for her to recover, but I doubt that it will be a short one. So please consider it carefully. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with you seeing other women in the meantime. You're not engaged at the moment after all. Like I've said, though, it's your decision! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @JohnnyB0913, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Hi Johnny.
My heart hurts for you right now! Recently, I was in a similar situation. I was dating my boyfriend (now ex-) long-distance for about 1 1/2 years. We had been friends before we were dating and I knew he had past issues with PTSD, substance abuse and alcoholism. He went to in-patient rehab for 30 days and at the end of rehab, he decided to move-out of his house, divorce his wife and leave the kids. We BOTH knew he should'nt have dated for at least a year afer rehab, but it seemed SO right to be in a relationship that we ignored that rule and started a relaionship about 5 months after he was in rehab. In hindsight, I REALLY wish we would've waited the year. After 5 month, he wasn't full healed or healthy and beacuse of that, we had a hard time our entire relationship because he couldn't take care of himself. He always looked to me to support him emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. It was really a mess, because he didn't take the time to learn to be independent and confident in himself. It eventually tore us apart and ended our relationship 1 1/2 years later. Six weeks after the end of our relationship ended, he's now in a new relationship and in full blown active addiction.
I still love him dearly and heartbroken that I've lost my soulmate, but I truly believe if we could've done things differently and he took the full year to learn about himself and become independent, it would've saved a lot of emotional turmoil, pain and devastation.
I know it's extremely hard right now to be without her, but she needs time by herself to devote to healing and figure things out on her own. If not, the relationship will not be healthy because her issues with intrude every aspect of your realtionship.
As much as we want to try to help our partners get thru trauma and substance use, we can't make them better. We can support them as much as we can, and be by their side thru it all, but unfortunately, the hard work has to be done by them. And the best way to do that is to give them alone time to process their issues and heal properly, even though it hurts to the core to be without them.
Habg in there. This is not an easy road to travel, but will be worth it!
Peace and hugs!