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cutman2000
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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 07:06 PM
  #1
We have not had sex in a year and a half. She left me once for 90 days(she was at her mothers' place). We've been together for almost 30 years, married 26 years. I love sex. I love sex with her. I think she argues with me to avoid having sex, I dunno. She says sex is all I want. Is it normal to deny a guy sex for that long because he's not intimate? She says this is the reason. She says I'm rude, disrespectful and controlling.
I don't want to be, I want a happy life with my wife.
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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 01:51 AM
  #2
Did you guys ever try couples' therapy? It can help sometimes.

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 03:03 AM
  #3
Couples counseling could help but both people want things to work out for it to be of benefit.

Is it possible she has a medical issue that could be causing her pain while being intimate? Or it could be a medication killing her sex drive.

My husband and I have been on meds that just took away our ability to have sex or reach orgasm. We both had to make medication changes...

I’m not sure how old your wife is but many women struggle to want sex, hormones and all

Have you guys ever just cuddled with no expectation of being intimate ? Maybe she would rather argue than be in the position of needing to
Be intimate.

Of course these are all just ideas to think about , maybe something will help.

I’m sorry your having marital trouble

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 05:31 AM
  #4
I wonder why guys think of a woman not wanting to have sex as "denying" them.
Maybe you need to listen to what she says---and what do you mean by "because he's not intimate"?

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 06:48 AM
  #5
Maybe she's not having sex with you because she thinks you're rude, disrespectful and controlling? I would listen to her and give her the chance to tell you how you are this way towards her. Maybe you are this way, and it's impacting her ability to have sex with you and be intimate.

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 03:48 PM
  #6
And I’ll just add ... sometimes people are just honestly unhappy in a marriage and resentment builds and people divorce.

I don’t want you to think that everything is turning into a “ your the problem” deal.. that not right not fair.. you are here seeking advice.

She just could have just become a miserable person and it have nothing to do with you. It happens

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Default Feb 11, 2020 at 04:13 PM
  #7
Oh sorry... I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was if she has a complaint that maybe he should hear her out. That’s what I meant.

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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 02:43 AM
  #8
Hey @cutman2000 when she left you for 90 days what were her reasons? And why did she come back? Was this recent? Has sex always been an underlying issue? When you are saying she says you are not intimate what do you mean? Do you think she means romantic? And what do you mean by "denying"? I am sorry for all the questions I just wanted to be clear before I share my opinion.
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Originally Posted by cutman2000 View Post
We have not had sex in a year and a half. She left me once for 90 days(she was at her mothers' place). We've been together for almost 30 years, married 26 years. I love sex. I love sex with her. I think she argues with me to avoid having sex, I dunno. She says sex is all I want. Is it normal to deny a guy sex for that long because he's not intimate? She says this is the reason. She says I'm rude, disrespectful and controlling.
I don't want to be, I want a happy life with my wife.

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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 02:51 PM
  #9
"She says I'm rude, disrespectful and controlling."

maybe she is "denying" you because you deny her respect and freedom to be in control of her own choices.

Not saying whether it's true or not but if that's her perception there's a reason for that. It sounds as thought you are simplifying a problem that you are avoiding facing either about yourself or the relationship as a whole. I have a hard time believing that after 30 yrs of marriage you are completely unaware of the things your wife has a problem with in your personality and/or behavior.

*edit* I meant to add this thought.

Typically women do choose not to have sex (or deny as some men put it) because they are unhappy or expect something more from their husbands and boyfriends. too often the men only see that they are not being given sex as much and focus on what their so is refusing to do rather than ask why

I doubt this is new, but instead of focusing on what she is NOT giving you (sex) how about trying to figure out what it is she is asking you to do/give (to her) ?
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