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Old 02-17-2020, 09:00 AM   #31
sarahsweets
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I fought

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Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
I broke up with him. Told him not to contact me.


Now block him on all social media and block his number so you donít even know if he tries to contact you.
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Old 02-17-2020, 09:11 AM   #32
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I fought

Yes... my advice as well. Block him, do not contact him, and do not get back together with him.

@Aviza, I think this is a GREAT time to take a break from dating, to reevaluate your own behavior in this situation and to make some much needed changes in how you approach dating.

You rushed into this situation very fast. You wanted a commitment very quickly and you overlooked many red flags along the way. You wanted a commitment so badly that you blinded yourself to many important factors in this relationship that came into play.

Here's some tips to help:

-Don't commit yourself to someone without meeting their most important friends first, and their important family members.

-Don't commit yourself to someone before you get to know their full character first - and this takes TIME. [You must be able to observe the person's behavior in many different kinds of situations to get to know their TRUE character -- for instance: how do they behave towards strangers? How do they behave around their family and friends? How do they treat other people generally speaking? And how do they treat YOU in all different types of situations? When things get difficult or stressful in life, how do they react, and how do they treat you? These are situations that arise over time and are important situations THROUGH which you get to know someone's character.]

-Don't commit yourself before knowing that you have common values and common principles in life.

-And don't believe someone's fast declarations of 'love" and statements saying that we're "soulmates" -- that's a glaring red flag when it's said so early on before you even know one another.

This relationship has taught you many important lessons.

Please don't rush back into online dating because you're going to run up against the same exact problems if you continue moving forward with the same exact approach that you've had to dating. You must change your thinking and your entire approach.
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Old 02-17-2020, 02:45 PM   #33
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Do you have friends? Maybe join some meetup groups and go out have fun with like minded people and keep yourself busy. Spend time with your daughter. Find hobbies. Going after unavailable or inappropriate men only causing you problems. In the future you could resume dating but right now it seems to only cause issues.
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Old 02-18-2020, 08:53 AM   #34
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You've gotten some good advice in the last several posts. I hope you consider it.
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Old 02-19-2020, 07:26 AM   #35
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I didn't go after an unavailable man. He was on a dating website and claimed to be divorced when in fact he's married. He lied. I found out, I ended it. I'm done talking about him. I'm back online and we'll see who I meet next.
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Old 02-19-2020, 07:30 AM   #36
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Default Re: Boyfriend and I fought

Aviza, please take your time. You're jumping into dating right away again, which is very concerning. You could rush in all over again, and make the same exact mistakes. I don't understand why you cannot take a break from dating? What's your hurry? Are you unable to be alone in life?

You should be very wary at this point of whom you may meet on the Internet. People lie ALL the time, about who they really are, and about what they really want.

What's concerning is that you're right back online, right back in the game, immediately following this fantastical charade and lie with this man, whom you claimed to have loved. I'm worried you haven't listened to any of the wisdom that's been given to you on here and through numerous threads, and I'm afraid that you're not allowing yourself ANY time in between men to process what just happened, and most importantly, to learn from it.
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Last edited by Have Hope; 02-19-2020 at 07:58 AM..
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Old 02-19-2020, 10:18 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by Aviza View Post
I didn't go after an unavailable man. He was on a dating website and claimed to be divorced when in fact he's married. He lied. I found out, I ended it. I'm done talking about him. I'm back online and we'll see who I meet next.
Well honestly I think you do go after unavailable men and maybe you do it subconsciously, not on purpose.

You said youíd only date a man who wants to be married, yet when he told you he has no interest in getting married or even be a serious boyfriend, you still pursued a relationship with him and even became intimate

He refused to date you at any reasonable time of the day being unavailable for you to talk or date, you still pursued a relationship with him

He was unavailable from the beginning (even if you dudmt know he was married) but you still pursued him for few months. You even said you loved him and wanted kids with him even though you barely knew him and he wasnít available for you at any deep level

Itís good you are done talking to him but I really hope you work with a therapist. I worry that youíd pursue unavailable men again without giving yourself time to process it. I hope good therapy helps
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Old 02-20-2020, 04:10 AM   #38
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20-25 something years ago back in the hayday of MSN and AOL chatrooms ... I had a friend. Very sweet and kind and just couldnít believe someone would lie.

She met lots of guys online, oh they sounded great ! She would type away for hours , they would make plans to met , some plain never showed or the ones that she did meet had used 20 year old pictures.

I kept trying to tell her slow the hell down, why can guy x only see you on Monday and not a Friday etc etc etc. why is he too busy to meet for a coffee but wants to meet at a bar ?

She was desperate and would accept crumbs. Often told people where she lived , not the address but she allowed them to pick her up at the restaurant or grocery shop ?? A literal stranger ?? Sheís lucky she wasnít a statistic.

I honestly got sick of it .. I made a fake account found a decent looking guys Picture on line and started chatting (typing) her up, I talked about my job as a office manager of some fake company, I talked of wanting a family one day, I cut off the conversation because I ď got a call ď I talked to her 2 more days, 3rd day my neighbor came over and pretended to be that guy for me .... she gave him her home address !!!!!! So I drive over and she opens the door...

I could have been a rapist,killer, some kinda crazy obsessive freak.

She finally realized how dumb she was for believing everyone.

Itís a shame people arenít all trust worthy, but people lie for alll kinds of reasons.

A year later and much pickier she met a nice guy through that chat room and had a baby on the way.

My husband ? Yep met him online MSN local chat room , we typed back and forth for months eventually , talked on the phone all hours of the day. He had 3 boys , business owner.. we were friends , we got involved romantically 6-8 months later. This year is our 16th year anniversary.

If your willing to accept breadcrumbs then expect vultures.

Raise your standards , go slow, you have posted somewhere about itís not safe for you to have another child so your biological clock ticking isnít an excuse. Build a good relationship with the daughter you have. Find hobbies, learn to enjoy being okay alone with yourself.

Acting desperate will only attract losers and abusers.
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