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Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 34
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#1
Please help. I am shaking as I write this. This morning my son (age 3) peed his pants. Weve been having trouble potty training him, where his twin sister is fully trained.
Possible trigger:
Last edited by bluekoi; Feb 20, 2020 at 08:13 PM.. Reason: Add trigger code. |
Be Still, Bill3, MickeyCheeky, Open Eyes, TimTheEnchanter, WovenGalaxy
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MickeyCheeky
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Member
Member Since Dec 2019
Location: South Africa
Posts: 48
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#2
Oh my goodness! That is terrible, I am so very sorry. Does your husband have history with anger/short temper? If this is his reaction to a 3 year old I cannot imagine how he argues with you or the other kids. This is not an environment any child wants to grow up in. This is abusive behavior and it’s sickening and traumatizing the entire family.
What are your options of dealing with this? Does speaking to your husband about this work? Are you financially stable enough to temporarily separate (worst case scenario).? |
Twinmama831
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Twinmama831
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#3
Leave.
Kids can be overwhelming, and not everyone was meant for parenthood. If your husband reacts to a simple childhood accident with screaming, threats, and assault and battery, then he clearly lacks the emotional capacity to raise a child, let alone two of them. He's a liability to both you and your children. |
Be Still, Twinmama831
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*Beth*, Open Eyes, Twinmama831
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 34
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#4
Yes, he has always had anger/temper issues. Hes a recovering addict, been clean off heroin for over 5 years. The other is my sons twin, so my girl is 3 also. We all get the wrath of it. Speaking to husband, I am always in the wrong and not doing enough. Very untrue, when I give my all to my family... I guess actually speaking never works because its same problems repeating... I am currently a stay at home mom, have been since pregnancy. My husband also likes control.
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Anonymous48672, Be Still
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 34
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#5
Quote:
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 34
6 10 hugs
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#6
I feel sick if I forgive this one. I know that if this situation was called on he would be removed and arrested. But hes going to act like I need to apologize to him for my action, and I never will. My children come first. I just wish it never made it to this point.
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Be Still
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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#7
Hey @Twinmama831: I am going to be perfectly blunt. This is not ok, it never is or should be. It is unacceptable. Since he has a history of anger issues and a hot temper, I doubt an incident like this is the only one or will be the only one. If he used the 12 steps to get clean then I assure you he is not acting sober. Clean and sober are very different things. Is there any chance at all that he is using again? I am amazed he threatened to call the police. He would be the one getting arrested for child endangerment or abuse. You were just protecting your child. Don't believe the threats. When it comes to children I draw the line. There is no walking back from abuse "mistakes". You dont get another chance. An abusive parents' apologies dont mean *****. The fact that they lost control like that is enough. He has/will cause trauma. Getting in the face of a toddler yelling....aside from the physical stuff can actually ruin your progress with potty training.
He obviously doesnt understand basic childhood behavior. Punishing toddlers is useless due to their ability to self reflect. All they do is associate fear with the behavior. And that causes shame. And your daughter is watching this and what kind of person do you expect her to date and be with if this is her example. I assure you with fathers and daughters that the relationship with their father forms their ideal of partners. I speak from experience. Other than my husband it was bad boy after bad boy. I took crap and abuse because it seemed "normal" I happened to have met and fallen in love with my gentle husband young so my choices were limited and short lived. But I spent a lifetime caring what men thought of me and being a pleaser. You need to leave him or ask him to leave. Would he hurt you if you told him to leave? if that is the case then you need a domestic violence escape plan. If you are interested in resources in your area for this tell me your state, even in a pm and I can gather some info for you. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
*Beth*, Be Still, Bill3, Middlemarcher, s4ndm4n2006, Twinmama831, unaluna, winter4me, WovenGalaxy
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#8
Here's the 24-hour crisis hotline for battered women. Please call and set up an escape route to a battered womens shelter where you can go with your children.
Because he has conditioned you to be passive, this will be the most difficult action you take, because you'll feel like you are betraying him and betraying his connection to you as your husband. You may possibly be suffering from battered women syndrome. It is extremely difficult for battered women to leave their abusive husbands because their abusive husbands have emotionally and physically abused their wives' to the point the wives are afraid to seek help for fear of being punished by the husband. What you need to understand is this is a false belief conditioned in you, based on the repetitive, relentless abuse you've endured by your husband. So, you are not betraying your marriage or your husband by seeking help for yourself and your children by leaving him. Once you make the phone call, an advocate will connect you to a local battered womens shelter where you and your children will be escorted to when your husband is not around. The advocates will coach you through the entire escape process. It's scary, sure, but by escaping him, they will help you and your children get free and start your lives over away from your husband's abuse. You cannot change him or help him. That is not your job. Your job, is to protect yourself and your children. The shelter advocates you connect with locally will wait until your husband is gone and will come get you and your son and hide your location from him so that he cannot find you. That's how this system is set up to help abused women. You have to decide if you want a life free of your husband's abuse and what that looks like to you. 24-Hour Crisis Hotline | Women In Distress (954) 761-1133 Quote:
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Bill3, Middlemarcher, winter4me
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
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#9
Quote:
Good post. I agree. TwinMama, |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#10
Can you call the police? He threatened your child by asking him “do you want to die?” I would take your children and leave ASAP for their safety and well-being. Do not wait a second longer.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Bill3
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Be Still, Cardooney, Molinit
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 34
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#11
How long do I have to call police? He is an overnnight worker and sleeping right now upstairs, I want to ask him to stay in his mothers house for now while shes out of town another week.. I feel if that goes south I will have no other choice but call the police to have him leave and it breaks my heart. Someone nailed the battered woman sydrome on the head for me. Yes.
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Anonymous48672, Be Still, Have Hope
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,787
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#12
Get away from this man immediately. Call a crisis hotline, find a shelter, do whatever it takes to remove yourself and your children from this abusive situation.
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Be Still
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*Beth*, WovenGalaxy
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#13
Quote:
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Bill3
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#14
Take your kids immediately and go to local police station. File a report and call domestic abuse shelter from there, police csn hell you to make a report. Don’t go back.
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Have Hope
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WovenGalaxy
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#15
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#16
A child should not live in FEAR of a parent. A parent should NEVER threaten a child's life like that. A child can get traumatized from this kind of abuse and develop PTSD.
What are you going to do, wait for your husband to punch your little child next time instead of spit at him? Have you read about childhood emotional neglect and how the affects from that can last the individual's entire life? YES!! little boys can take longer and can pee their pants and wet their bed. PATIENCE is required, not spitting at them, dumping water on them, and threatening their life. And this little boy is mimicking his father by spitting at his sister? That is not good AT ALL. It's time for you to take action even though it's scary for you to do so. |
Twinmama831
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2012
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#17
Please don't become a statistic (being beaten or murdered). He is not going to stop terrorizing you and these innocent children.
I agree with the other posters; take your children and leave the house; go to the police or hospital and someone should be able to find a place or shelter.....Do not do it while he is there (he will try to stop you), or if he does get violent do....take the children out of the h ouse;.... Is there a way to make a call to the police when he is asleep or not around? You can tell the police you need to leave and are in fear for yourself and your children; they can come and give you a safe escort. |
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#18
every community/county has a safe house. contact the police and go to it. you will be safe. file a complaint if you can..but be safe.
before you can make any big decisions, you need to get some deep calm breaths, and so do your kids. |
Be Still
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
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#19
If you don't leave, you're the problem, not him!
If you can't leave for yourself, do it for your children. Your son could grow up to be an abuser, and your daughter could be in abusive relationships. After all, this is what will be modeled to them if you stay. The chances are either or both you and your husband grew up in dysfunctional homes. Break the cycle now, while they are young. Give yourself and your children and grandchildren a chance at happiness. If you stay with this man, the cycle continues, and everyone is robbed of happiness, and that's on you. I apologize for pontificating, but I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and I still suffer the effects of it (and I'm 60!). They don't have a choice of staying in an abusive home. You do. And your choices affect them the most. If you want to stay, then do. But don't subject small children to that horrendous choice. Send them somewhere loving to live. Somewhere where they will at least have a chance. |
Be Still, Bill3, Middlemarcher
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*Beth*, Be Still, Bill3
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
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#20
OK. I got my strong feelings out and I apologize for my harshness in my previous post.
I will continue on now with a little more compassion. As so many posters have stated, contact an abuse hotline. The national number has been listed. If you do this, you will have a lot of support to move on. They can help you apply for government assistance if needed, and also for child support where it is set up that he pays the government program and not you. They will chase him down if he doesn't pay, garnishee his wages, take any tax return etc. All on your behalf. They can help you deal with your fears, not only of him, but how you can financially make it on your own. One of the biggest reasons women stay in abusive relationships is financial and also deep seated insecurity/low self esteem. And those fears can be real. But there is help. Reach out. I wish you the very best, and my desire for you is that you can find your inner strength to make any hard choices you may have to make. |
Bill3
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Bill3
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