TRIGGER WARNING: Husband spit in 3 year old sons face.

Please read this blog, Twinmama about why battered spouses don't leave their abusers. Both men and women can experience abuse from a spouse.

Battered Spouse Syndrome: Why Victims Don’t Leave | Thought Catalog

I totally agree with other posters, you have to get out for your children's and your safety. This man does not deserve a second, third etc chance just because he has issues. Assaulting a child or adult is totally unacceptable.

Am no expert on potty training, but listening to others' experiences there are no set times and can even have "accidents" when seven years old. Some boys can take longer to be dry than girls. Anxiety of upsetting his father isn't helping your son be successful. Even children of their ages pick up on these things.

Update: Everything hit the fan when he woke up. I got angry he wasnt speaking and said I was taking the children with immediate family for dinner. When he repeatively asked who, he knew it was my mother, whom he hates. He went and grabbed a hammer from the tool box, and said he was calling police. When he came through with the hammer, I didnt know if he was going for me or the door. I panicked. My mom and her boyfriend were parked around the corner but I dialed 911 because of his threats, I hung up. They call back and my husbands in the background saying Im free to go wherever, when I KNOW he was going to smash up my mothers car (or worse). (He has damaged a friends car of mine years ago with a round weight...that was PFA #2 I had.)He called his father, his father came down knowing police coming. (Later on he says I betrayed trust for calling...) They took their time. The police show up and I explained it. The whole story. My whole day. As long as we were "okay" and he didnt swing at me it was "fine"... the trooper also has twins and has worked overnights and short tempers I guess.. my mom was very upset and was asked to leave when they did The cop actually reccommended my husband put a PFA on my mother... I'm at a loss. Im so conditioned to this, I am from a broken home, my homes broken.. and all my husband wants to blame yesterday on was my mother. He doesnt even see what he did to our son it seems.

Hon, he is NOT going to see what he did was wrong. There is no reasoning with someone like this. Either you leave OR you stay and put up with the abuse towards you AND your children. Everyone here is advising you to leave for the safety of yourself and your own children.

STop TRYING to reason with him. He doesn't care what you think. He is dangerous. When you are living with abuse, it is difficult to see how terrible it is; it is literally brainwashing. Can you stay with your mom? How will you forgive yourself if he injures or kills your children. If he kills you, what will happen to your children. ?Does he have guns? You re the only thing standing between the abuser and your children. They are helpless. You CAN find the courage to save yourself and your children. It is like your house is on fire, and you are waiting for it to stop; it wont. I, too came from a broken home and divorced an abuser. What if he takes a hammer to you or your children? If you stay, someone is going to be injured or dead (one reads stories like that every day). Iunderstand your fears, but you cannot let them stop you from saving your children and yourself...you are all living in a war zone with a raging "animal." Abusers need control; that is why it is so dangerous when you leave, and why yu need an escape plan to stay safe...Police can come to your house and escort you to safety. PLEASE don't wait any longer to leave.....This is an emergency situation; stop trying to reason or explain to him; he is full of rage and won't stop. .

I am so sorry the Police didn't help you, @Twinmama831! I know it is easier said than done, but please leave. There are shelters for women who are running away from their abusive Husbands. And your Husband IS abusive. Please take the children and go. Trust me, it is the best thing to do. Do you think you can stay at your Mother's Home for a while? Please stay safe and do keep us updated! We do care about you and we want you to stay safe! Do EVERYTHING you can to stay safe and to keep your Children safe as well! You WILL get through ALL of this and you WILL survive if you do what you must do! PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Twinmama831, your Family, your Friends, your Children, your Mother, your Doctors, your Nurses, your Relatives, your Therapists, your Buddies, your Uncles, your Brothers, your Sisters, your Cousins, your Grandparents, your Great-Uncles, your Aunts, your Great-Aunts, your Nephews, your Nieces, your Sibilings, your Father, your Acquiantences and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK??!! PLEASE STAY SAFE, FRIEND!!!!!

You need to think of your children and get the hell away from him. Not to be harsh but regardless of how you are conditioned to feel about his abuse you have to rationally think about your kids in a life or death matter. Go stay with family and if he shows up there and is asked to leave they can call the police and have him removed.

Please get yourself and your children to safety now!

Get yourself and your kids OUT OF THERE. This is not something that will get better with time and the kids need to Know that they have an adult who will protect and care for them.

Stop calling the police and call that phone number that I posted. You already know that the police are not equipped to help you.

You need the help of a battered women shelter.


For years you have lived with this abuser and posted about him here.

Either take action and get out or acknowledge that your abusive husband’s love is more important to you than the safety of your children.

This is my last post in tour thread. Here’s a documented list of reasons why abused women(spouses) refuse to leave their abuser.

Why Do Victims Stay?

Please stop being complicit in the abuse of your children by allowing your husband to continue it without any consequences. Go to a shelter with your
children and get the help you need.

I read fully what you have said, and maybe I do need *some* harsh words. I called the police for protection...As you posted yourself with links, it is hard for a victim to leave the abuse. I am interested in help unlike you think, I want advice because I dont have a therapist, and want to know the resources god forbid I really need it but I do have family who steps in. I protected my child, and am evaluating where to go from here.

Well, the advice you've received seems to be unanimous, and we're otherwise powerless to assist you further in this situation. But what exactly do you want and how could you go about achieving it?

I think it should also be mentioned that your advisors are sounding a bit harsh right now because they're afraid for the safety of you and your children. When one offers advice on something like this, it's difficult not to get emotionally involved, especially since a lot of them have lived through similar experiences and know firsthand how bad it can and will get.

Maybe I'm pointing out the obvious, but in case anyone's forgotten, we're all human and occasionally get a bit emotional at times.

Well, most of us. Heh.

"When you blame me and shame me, you keep me silent." I am a moderator of an abused survivors' group, if you want to pm me Iwill be glad to help. Iknow there is a lot of stuff going on in your head. If you leave, you can sort it out then.......We are all concerned about you and people will get frustrated at you. Try to forgive them...you may feel stuck, but you are not......I would suggest FIRST, go to your mom's, then you can find a shelter.......FIRST be save and then get help in figuring out what to do next. The NationalDomestic Violence hotline will help you. What is keeping you in this violence? Your fist job (I know you know this) is to protect your children. I am not judging yu, because I was in that situation....if your children were old enough to verbalize their fear and terror, they would beg you to leave.....if a stranger came into your house with a gun and threatened to kill you and your children, what would you do? I believe you would run for your lives.. Are you willing to take the chance that he won't kill one of you? You said you wanted advice, and you have heard from lots of us who were once in your situation. DO NOT tell him you are leaving, leave when he isn't there, and go to your moms house....Please don't be another statistic, where we see on tv some/all of your family are murdered. Again, you can pm me.

My dear, what you need to realize and absorb here is that your husband's behavior towards your child is entirely unacceptable. Perhaps you've accepted so far his abusive treatment towards you, or perhaps you've not accepted it and hoped he would change by telling him how you feel and what is wrong with his behaviors.

The fact of the matter is, it's abuse towards you and towards your child. You need to come to a point in your own mind where you say enough is enough and I am not going to allow this any further... not one second longer. He will continue to abuse and your children will suffer the consequences. You need an escape PLAN.... a plan of action so that you and your children are safe from him. Are you ready and willing to do that?

Mods have also previously stated that they cannot contact authorities or intervene.

have hope is right, ...sometimes we have to let go...

This is a public forum. We can’t do anything but express opinions and share resources.

I have to say that I myself was very triggered by what you shared Twinmama831. I am 63 years old and can clearly remember seeing my older brother dragged to a shed and hearing him scream because my father was under the impression that HITTING and YELLING was going to fix whatever my brother did wrong. It did not work and actually traumatized all of us in the family including my brother who constantly wet his bed to the point where my mother had to have him sleep on shower curtains. This was a problem that went way beyond three years old.

I watched my mother pace back and forth repeating "this is wrong". THIS is what YOU are doing now. I can tell you for a fact that YOUR CHILDREN are being hurt in ways that will last them THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. This is something many members here know first hand.

It's possible that because your mother's marriage failed, YOU are trying to do better than that, somehow thinking if ONLY you could JUST then it can keep your husband with you and your family in tact. This is WRONG thinking and will not only hurt you but your young children. They are learning day by day that ABUSE IS ACCEPTABLE AND NORMAL. Your children NEED you to help them FEEL SAFE. Your children don't even know how to tell you they don't feel safe around Dad who can erupt and be mean and abusive towards them, towards you in front of them. Children need to feel safe to love, but you are NOT allowing them to experience that and this can cause them to feel UNSAFE to love for the rest of their lives. A little three year old doesn't have ANY life skills, their brains are not even formed enough so they actually have a sense of personal identity as that doesn't happen until a child reaches the age of five and may never happen if that child is traumatized while their brain is slowly forming to the point where they can begin to form their own identity.

Maybe you don't think you are worthy enough to experience a healthier man yourself. That must be a big factor in this for you because otherwise you would have ended this abusive relationship a lot sooner. It's very unfortunate, but this CAN happen with women where they do stay in abusive relationships.

Your husband is a control freak and he has proven he can be VERY abusive, even physically. So, DO NOT TELL HIM you will leave as all he will do is threaten and frighten you so you stay. You need to plan now and LEAVE HIM without him being around or knowing you are planning to do so. Your husband was a drug addict, he may be sober, but he is FAR FROM well or healthy.

YOU have to be the one that steps up FOR your children and do right by them. Just as your very little boy spit at his sister, YOU can teach him that when someone is mean, abusive, spits at you, hits you and threatens your life that what you do is LEAVE, to find safety instead of copying that bad behavior towards someone else. Children LEARN by doing, that means YOU have to be the one that is DOING with them so they learn.