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Member Since Jan 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 275
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#1
I found out my dad wasn't my biological father when I was 20, and that everybody knew except myself.. I felt very betrayed because half of my family wasnt really blood relation .. but more so because they all knew and I never did.
I always felt left out when I was a kid. My mother was always very mean towards me.. and now i honestly believe its because she hated my father. Now I know about everything, she says how vindictive and evil he was.. then in another sentence will say I'm like him in many ways. She thinks it's disgusting that I would ever want to talk to him etc. Well today there is social media and so many of my real family members are reaching out with photos of us together when I was a baby etc. I found out where my red hair came from, that I have a brother and that I'm half Irish! But I feel so much guilt about it all! They post on my facebook and my mother laughs about it and mocks that I talk to people who didn't make an effort beforehand. I have so many emotions about it.. and I haven't told anybody about these things How do I navigate through this? I feel sad and happy about it.. but so much guilt to my family who are here. (We moved to a different country). Sigh. |
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Be Still, Bill3, bpcyclist, Buffy01, Open Eyes
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Bill3, Buffy01
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
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#2
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It's ok if you spend time leaning about your blood relatives. Ignore what your mother thinks or says. You have every right to investigate and learn. And if your actual father was a jerk, well, could have been due to how he was raised. We can inherit "some" traits, some things are genetic, not all of who we are is genetic. |
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Be Still, bpcyclist
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Wise Elder
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: USA
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#3
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bpcyclist
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Be Still
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Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Portland
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#4
You deserve to be loved and supported for the wonderful human being you are. Explore away. Don't listen to the background noise. Remember, we do not get to pick our parents.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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Be Still
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2012
Location: new england
Posts: 7,733
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#5
You are navigating through this & there is no reason to stop. I would not share your journey with your mom (if possible) if she is not able to be kind and supportive for you.
It will always be a part of you. __________________ "...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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Be Still
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