I wish this feeling would go away

Have Hope · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:14 AM

Ok, you did start this thread by saying you wanted to tell him. So move on with your life. Do you have friends? Hobbies? Interests? Do you live on your own? Throw yourself into your own life and focus on that instead. Do you work together? Is that why it’s hard to ignore him? How old are you? You sound very young.

Bill3 · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:36 AM

Why is ignoring him not the answer?

Denise70 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:08 AM

Its making things worse and causing a great deal of pain regret and guilt for thexway i reacted to hin our last interaction. I froze and shut down acted pike i didnt care but didntvmean too. But yet i know he shouldnt have chased. It just scared me

Bill3 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:18 AM

Can you/would you be willing to share how much of your pain right now is from the guilt and regret over that interaction, and how much from wanting him?

Have Hope · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:40 AM

From what you’ve stated it seems you’ve already crossed the line with this man. And that he’s pursued you. I’d tell him you can’t pursue or be with him while he’s still married. Deal with the pain of not speaking with him and move on. This too shall pass. It’s the right thing to do. Trust me, you don’t want to be the reason his marriage breaks up. And you didn’t answer whether they have kids.

Denise70 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:52 AM

Bill 3. Its about equal.

Bill3 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:55 AM

I wonder whether alone each pain might be manageable but together they feel overwhelming?

Denise70 · Feb 22, 2020 at 08:59 AM

Bill 3. Its all overwhelming. The attraction the guilt yes

Have Hope · 09:32 AM

Well you’re ignoring my messages. Im stepping out. I’m getting too triggered by your situation. Especially for me, when I’m married and I would be most upset if my husband was playing around with a woman, rocky marriage of not. . I wish you the best.

Bill3 · Feb 22, 2020 at 09:32 AM

I'm really sorry for how overwhelming the feelings are right now.

Judging by the title you gave this thread, it sounds like you wish you didn't have the feelings that assail you at the moment.

divine1966 · Feb 22, 2020 at 09:36 AM

“My marriage is on the rocks” is a typical story cheaters give women so they can get laid. Please don’t fall for this.

If a man “pursued” you while married, he isn’t a decent person. You want a relationship with this kind of guy?

If he is a cheater he’ll cheat on you too. He’ll tell women that his relationship is on the rocks so he can get into their pants, all while you are clueless about the whole thing

I understand it might painful for you now to have these desires for him, but imagine how painful it will be when you two get together and one day you’ll find out that he pursues other women or sleeps around. I ensure you it will be much more painful

Please. Plenty of available men out there

And if your goal isn’t an affair then what is it? Ignoring him is just perfectly fine. You aren’t required to interact with anyone for any reason

Feb 22, 2020 at 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Denise70

He does and i want to make it clear that ibdont want an affair.
I have ignored him which is not doing anyone any good.

And yet you've gotten yourself emotionally invested in someone who is, at present, emotionally unavailable.

As everyone has already mentioned, what he does with his marriage is ultimately his decision to make, and he needs time and space to make that decision. You trying to get involved is only going to complicate things. Regardless of what your intentions are, their supposed happiness, or anything else, it's important that he be allowed to make that choice of his own free will.

Until such a time, you sitting around waiting for him is only going to cause you emotional turmoil.

Denise70 · Feb 22, 2020 at 04:12 PM

I am not waiting on him i am living my life i actually was dating soneone elsexwhen we met

divine1966 · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Denise70

I am not waiting on him i am living my life i actually was dating soneone elsexwhen we met

I think you should continue living your life and stop worrying where he is in all this. If he is the type to pursue women while married, you can never trust anything he says. So reaching out in hopes of clarity is pointless. Move on and enjoy what life has to offer outside of being interested in married men

Open Eyes · Feb 22, 2020 at 07:49 PM

How old is he, does he have children? Can you answer that question?

Denise70 · Feb 22, 2020 at 10:49 PM

He has one chi middle ages

Open Eyes · Feb 23, 2020 at 12:09 AM

Don't cause any harm to that man's family. Children suffer from a father cheating on their mother too. They tend to feel Dad did not love THEM enough to stay loyal to his family. The family unit is sacred, really, don't be a part of any family breaking apart.

If this man is not happy, let HIM figure all that out.

bpforever1 · Feb 23, 2020 at 02:00 AM

Look, my pen pal is a married man and we talk about everything. I like him but know we will just be friends. If you set boundaries and limit the amount of contact, there is nothing wrong with being in contact with a married man. If he is interested in more than a platonic relationship, well, that is a different story. I talk to different men too, not just to this pen pal who is married. I like him a lot too but know that his marriage is his choice and responsibility. So, if you tell him how you feel about not wanting an affair and like talking to him, I don’t see any problem with interacting with him. You say you are falling for him in your op,. If this is the case, then I would try to distract yourself with other interests or people. Most married men who have affairs don’t leave their wives. They just want sex and if this is all you want too, well, I am not one to judge. You are your own master!

Denise70 · Feb 23, 2020 at 08:13 AM

No i dont want just sex. And yes either whether its just sex its not right thats why i feel so guilty. I put myself in other shoes. And yes i stay busy

Open Eyes · Feb 23, 2020 at 05:48 PM

It's good to keep a good distance so you can actually "think" about it instead of just acting on your emotions.

It's is ok to ask how old you are?

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

I wish this feeling would go away

My Support Forums

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 07:36 AM #22 Why is ignoring him not the answer?
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 08:08 AM #23 Its making things worse and causing a great deal of pain regret and guilt for thexway i reacted to hin our last interaction. I froze and shut down acted pike i didnt care but didntvmean too. But yet i know he shouldnt have chased. It just scared me
	Reply With Quote

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 08:18 AM #24 Can you/would you be willing to share how much of your pain right now is from the guilt and regret over that interaction, and how much from wanting him?
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 08:52 AM #26 Bill 3. Its about equal.
	Reply With Quote

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 08:55 AM #27 I wonder whether alone each pain might be manageable but together they feel overwhelming?
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 08:59 AM #28 Bill 3. Its all overwhelming. The attraction the guilt yes
	Reply With Quote

Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 09:32 AM #30 I'm really sorry for how overwhelming the feelings are right now. Judging by the title you gave this thread, it sounds like you wish you didn't have the feelings that assail you at the moment.
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 04:12 PM #33 I am not waiting on him i am living my life i actually was dating soneone elsexwhen we met
	Reply With Quote

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,116 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 07:49 PM #35 How old is he, does he have children? Can you answer that question?
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 22, 2020 at 10:49 PM #36 He has one chi middle ages
	Reply With Quote

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,116 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 12:09 AM #37 Don't cause any harm to that man's family. Children suffer from a father cheating on their mother too. They tend to feel Dad did not love THEM enough to stay loyal to his family. The family unit is sacred, really, don't be a part of any family breaking apart. If this man is not happy, let HIM figure all that out.
	Reply With Quote

Denise70 Member Member Since Feb 2020 Location: Tennesee Posts: 40 4 4 hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 08:13 AM #39 No i dont want just sex. And yes either whether its just sex its not right thats why i feel so guilty. I put myself in other shoes. And yes i stay busy
	Reply With Quote

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,116 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 05:48 PM #40 It's good to keep a good distance so you can actually "think" about it instead of just acting on your emotions. It's is ok to ask how old you are?
	Reply With Quote